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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148606">Whole As We Are</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreathThatCarriedMe/pseuds/BreathThatCarriedMe'>BreathThatCarriedMe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whole As We Are [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Everything that Steven has been through catches up with him, First Time, Homeworld Politics, Hurt/Comfort, More tags to be added, Multi, Polyamory, Slow Build, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Steven is Angry and Sad, some fluff here and there</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:19:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>67,899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreathThatCarriedMe/pseuds/BreathThatCarriedMe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything that happened on Homeworld it seemed like Steven was finally going to get his happily ever after. Why then does he feel so on edge all the time? Why instead of just being happy he keeps expecting something to blow up in his face? And why does he feel angry with everyone around him more often than not?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pink Steven Universe/Steven Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whole As We Are [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1981699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Beach City</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is the direct continuation of Broken Apart, so read that one first in case you haven’t!<br/>Welcome back to the story everyone! A weird thing happened while I was writing the continuation. The longer I tried to find a fitting way to end the story, the longer the story got! I still don’t have everything figured out, but I decided to share what I have for now anyway. I’m excited, so let’s get started!:3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lunch (dinner?) went as well as expected, meaning everyone was on edge and a pretty much lost about what to do. The pizza was tasty, but Steven found it hard to eat under everyone’s watchful stares. It’s like they thought he was going to disappear again any moment now. Connie, his dad and Amethyst tried to get some small talk going. Steven was asking them about different things, mainly about Beach City and its’ residents. Not much had changed while Steven was away. They carefully avoided talking about how exactly Steven had spent his time on Homeworld. Pink was sitting close, a glowing (literally) reminder of everything Steven and his family had been through. His gem was sitting tall, with his hands on his lap, and everyone kept throwing him either open glowers or fleeting nervous glances. Steven felt his own anxiousness inevitably build up. He was considering escaping to the bathroom again for a little break, when Connie spoke up.<br/>
</p><p>“We could go up to the lighthouse, if you want to. You can see all of Beach City from up there,” she added, looking at Pink. Pink looked at Steven.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s a great idea, Connie! I wanted to show Pink the city!” Steven said immediately, smiling.<br/>
</p><p>Every time Steven said his name, Pearl twitched almost imperceptibly. He understood why, but if Pink wanted his name unchanged, then the only thing she could do was get used to it. Steven managed after all.<br/>
</p><p>“I’ll come along with you guys, if that’s okay,” his dad said, getting up from the couch. Steven, Connie and Pink got up as well. Pearl opened her mouth at that moment, and Garnet gently shook her head. Pearl stayed silent. Steven sent her what he hoped to be a reassuring smile. Garnet took a step towards them.<br/>
</p><p>“I will come too.” The tone of her voice brook no argument.
</p><p>Their small group got out of the house and started down the stairs. Pink Pearl followed them, sticking close to Pink’s side. They should maybe give her a nickname, to avoid the confusion, Steven thought to himself. His dad was quiet and he looked concerned, Pink was stone-faced, Garnet was throwing glances at him and adjusting her visor from time to time. Steven looked at Connie, and she smiled like she understood. Of course she did.<br/>
</p><p>“So, uh, how’s college prep going?” Steven asked, trying not to feel awkward in the strange situation he found himself in.<br/>
</p><p>Connie started talking about her college plans, and Steven honestly tried to listen, but it was hard. He didn’t exactly understand how college stuff worked, so he ended up just looking at Connie intently and nodding from time to time. He tried to save in his memory every expression on her face, every little smile. She was so beautiful. Steven missed her so, so much, it felt like he couldn’t stop looking.<br/>
</p><p>They got to the lighthouse in no time. Steven walked closer to the edge of the cliff, and Pink followed. The rest of their group stayed a little back.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink, meet Beach City!” Steven exclaimed, gesturing with his hand to the panorama that opened in front of them. He used to play this exact moment in his head while stuck on Homeworld. Him and Pink on Earth, together. Steven showing his gem the town they grew up in. They were finally where Steven wanted them to be, and he felt light and excited and so, so happy.<br/>
</p><p>Pink looked at Steven first, then at the small town sprawling close by. Then he looked at Steven again and extended his hand. Steven took it, not doubting for a second. Pink tugged him closer and a moment later Steven found himself in the gem’s embrace, right in front of Connie and the others. He flushed, but hugged back, resting his hands lightly on Pink’s back. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Garnet relax slightly.<br/>
</p><p>“Your city,” Pink said so quietly that only Steven could hear. “Steven’s city.”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, it’s not like it’s <em>my</em> city,” Steven giggled. The warmth and energy seeping into his body made him pliant and relaxed. “But I – <em>we</em> grew up here.”<br/>
</p><p>At this moment Pink swept him off his feet suddenly. With Steven securely in his arms, Pink floated gently from the edge of the cliff and started moving down slowly.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink!” Steven exclaimed, seeing Garnet draw her weapon and Pink Pearl take a step forward at the same time, shielding them with her body. His dad looked scared, Connie was wide-eyed, her fists clenched. Pink floated a little further, but hearing Steven’s cry he stopped, hovering in the air, and looked at Steven.<br/>
</p><p>“What are you doing?” Steven asked. Wind was whipping his hair in every direction and his gem’s skirt was fluttering. Their house was a long way down below, but they were a little off to the side, with only sharp cliffs below them. Steven had no idea what his gem intended to do. He kept his eyes firmly on Pink.<br/>
</p><p>“I want to see Steven’s city,” the gem explained, like it was all no big deal. God, his Pink could be so reckless when he was after something that he wanted. Didn’t he understand the situation they were in? Maybe he wanted to stop Steven’s family from tagging along, but that was definitely <em>not</em> happening.<br/>
</p><p>“We can’t just leave everybody!” Steven exclaimed, gesturing with one of his hands towards the others. He looked down without meaning to and quickly drew his hand back, clinging onto Pink. His breath stuttered. They were very high up.<br/>
</p><p>“I will not let you fall, Steven,” Pink said quietly, and when Steven looked at him, the gem’s eyes were shining with silent adoration.<br/>
</p><p>“I know,” Steven answered. “But I feel more confident on solid ground.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded and then floated gently back to where everyone else was standing. Steven breathed out when they touched the ground, glad to have resolved another building conflict.<br/>
</p><p>“Everything is fine, Pink just wanted to take a look at Beach city,” Steven reassured everyone.<br/>
</p><p>“By jumping off a cliff?!” his dad exclaimed, clearly not reassured.<br/>
</p><p>“He… didn’t want to walk?” Steven tried, smiling nervously. Pink was still holding him close. It was embarrassing to talk to his family while being cradled in his gem’s arms like that.<br/>
</p><p>“Walking is slow and ineffective,” Pink confirmed.<br/>
</p><p>“I get slow, but why is it ineffective? It gets you where you want to be,” Connie said.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s <em>slow</em>,” Pink answered pointedly, looking at her. She snickered, clearly amused.<br/>
</p><p>“You can, uh, let me go now, Pink,” Steven said, feeling uncomfortable. Pink immediately complied.<br/>
</p><p>“If you don’t wanna walk, we could use my van? If you and, uh, your gem want to?” his dad suggested, scratching at the back of his head.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s a great idea, dad! I missed the van!” Steven cried out immediately, getting excited.<br/>
</p><p>“The ‘van’?” Pink repeated, sounding unimpressed.<br/>
</p><p>“I’ll go get it now,” his dad said, sending Pink a glance. Steven felt a stab of guilt. He didn’t want to make his dad worried or uncomfortable, and he looked both now. His dad left then, and a tense silence settled over their company again. Steven was still standing close to Pink. He kept gazing at Beach City, trying to pretend that the situation wasn’t awkward. He wasn’t succeeding much.<br/>
</p><p>“So… what are you planning to do next, Pink?” Connie asked all of a sudden. She walked closer and stood right beside them now. Pink looked surprised, like he didn’t expect her to ask him something like this. He smoothed out the flowing material of his skirt, which was perfectly smooth already, and then started talking.<br/>
</p><p>“I will spend forty-five Earth hours here, and then I will go back to Homeworld to attend the ceremony and the official announcement there. Then I will get busy with the reforms that will change our gems’ way of life. Hopefully for the better.”<br/>
</p><p>Connie hummed thoughtfully. “So every gem will have an opportunity to be themselves now? There will be no prosecution of those who fall out of line? No more shatterings?” she asked.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes,” Pink nodded, looking out at the expanse of sea before them. The look on his face was pure, unyielding resolution. Steven was so proud of him in this moment.<br/>
</p><p>“You and Steven are alike, even though you look different,” Connie said, looking from Pink to Steven and back. Pink sent her a bewildered look. Then he looked at Steven, and the expression on his face softened, turned almost dreamy. Steven blushed, turning his gaze away, but then he noticed that Pink was reaching for his face with his hand. Maybe he wanted to cup his cheek, or <em>kiss him</em> – without finishing that thought, Steven met his gem’s hand halfway, guiding it away from his face. Pink intertwined their fingers immediately, and then brought Steven’s hand to his lips, giving the back of his palm a soft kiss. His eyes with diamond shaped pupils glowed bright. Steven’s face felt so hot. Garnet, Connie and Pink Pearl were <em>right here</em>. Steven pulled his hand back and send them all a quick look, assessing the situation. Pink Pearl kept smiling softly, unbothered by his gem’s show of affection, Garnet’s face wore a stony, unreadable expression, and Connie… Connie was looking at them with her mouth slightly opened, and a blush was spreading across her face. Steven wanted to disappear off the face of the Earth for a bit.<br/>
</p><p>At that moment, his dad showed up, driving the familiar van. He pulled up and called to them, “Get in, everyone!”<br/>
</p><p>Steven almost run to the van. Everyone else followed. Pink looked at the van with his eyes narrowed in suspicion.<br/>
</p><p>“Such an outdated type of vehicle,” he muttered mostly to himself.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, the van is amazing!” Steven objected instantly.<br/>
</p><p>“And it’s not as <em>slow</em> as walking,” Connie added, her eyes glinting with a hidden smile. Steven wanted to laugh from the expression on Pink’s face. It looked like he didn’t know if he should smile or be affronted.<br/>
</p><p>In the end, all of them settled in the back of the van, with Garnet sitting in front. Steven was brimming with excitement. He couldn’t wait to show Pink around Beach City and meet everyone.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Pink looked at doughnuts with a very intense kind of look. Steven watched him, finishing his second chocolate doughnut.<br/>
</p><p>“Come on, Pink, you know you want it,” Steven said.<br/>
</p><p>Pink only shook his head. “Gems do not consume… food.”<br/>
</p><p>“Sure they do, if they want to. You should try it! You see that one there, with pink frosting?”<br/>
</p><p>“It looks… strange. Why does it have a hollow space in the middle?” the gem asked, sounding oddly disturbed.<br/>
</p><p>“Because it’s a <em>doughnut</em>.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink was almost pressing his face to the glass, paying no mind to Dewey, who tried his best to act like this kind of situation was normal. Steven turned to Connie and shook his head. Pink was hopeless. She giggled.<br/>
</p><p>They continued their tour through Beach City and went to Fish Stew Pizza where Steven met Kiki, Jenny and Kofi. After Jenny gave him a bone crushing hug and a short speech about how “you can’t just fly off into space while all your friends are worried about you, Universe”, Jenny told him that she’ll call Sour Cream and Buck and that they will all have a good old get together. Steven was so happy to see her and the others. No one at the pizzeria paid much attention to the pink glowing version of him in a dress. Beach City residents were used to things that were much weirder than this.<br/>
</p><p>Steven wanted to walk around more, to show Pink the little town they built where the farm used to be, but this day had been long enough as it was, and filled with a lot of worries and emotions. Steven was simply too exhausted, and it was decided that they should start heading back. It was around eight in the evening, and the sun was slowly setting.<br/>
</p><p>“I feel like I’ve had enough emotional moments today to last several months,” Steven laughed, getting into the back of the van. His body wasn’t used to being out and about so much, with all the endless hours he spent locked up in one room, and sitting down felt like a blessing.<br/>
</p><p>“Get some rest so we can meet up tomorrow,” Connie told him, ready to hop onto Lion who was standing beside her. Steven didn’t want her to leave, but he himself talked her into spending the night back home. Her parents would be worried otherwise, and also Steven’s house didn’t have another bed. The last thing Steven wanted was to make her sleep on the couch.<br/>
</p><p>“See you tomorrow,” he smiled, and she smiled back. Then Connie hopped onto Lion and a moment later both of them disappeared in the portal. Steven missed her already. He sighed, then leaned on Pink who was sitting next to him. He closed his eyes. This day was an emotional rollercoaster, no kidding.<br/>
</p><p>Amethyst and Pearl were waiting for them back home, both looking anxious and unsure. There was a mess of dirty dishes in the kitchen. Steven wondered what they were trying to cook and how it went with Pearl being as jittery as she was. Probably not that great. When Pearl was worried, she couldn’t focus on doing anything.<br/>
</p><p>“We sent Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth home. Lars left too,” Pearl said as soon as Steven stepped through the door. She was wringing her hands together nervously and sending Pink fleeting worried looks. “Also, we made some food for you,” she added and tried to smile. “Are you all… alright?”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, we’re all fine,” Steven answered and sent her the best smile he could muster. He was so tired, his head was heavy and the only thing he wanted to do now was to lay down and close his eyes. “I’m not hungry right now, I just want to lay down,” he said, and Pearl nodded quickly, “Yes, of course, you need to rest.”<br/>
</p><p>“Do you want me to crash here for the night, Schtuball?” his dad asked, coming to stand close to him.<br/>
</p><p>Steven shrugged his shoulders, “I know the couch is not too comfortable, but…”<br/>
</p><p>Steven wanted him to stay, but at the same time he knew it was a long day for all of them. His dad was probably tired, and the couch really was nothing much. Dad put a comforting hand on Steven’s shoulder then, making him relax a little.<br/>
</p><p>“The couch sounds great,” he said, and Steven smiled. Then he looked at Garnet, who was also standing close.<br/>
</p><p>“Get some rest, Steven,” she smiled, for the first time since they headed out of the house together. Steven felt warmth seeping into him. His family was going to be okay. He scared them so much, made them so worried, but they still loved him. They were still here for him, no matter what.<br/>
</p><p>“So Pink will go with you or what?” Amethyst asked. Steven gave a nervous laugh as an answer. Everyone tensed up again, but no one said anything. Instead, they all turned to look at Pink, who stared back blankly.<br/>
</p><p>Steven said, “Yeah, I think that will be best. Pink will just,” he shrugged his shoulders, “sit nearby quietly.”<br/>
</p><p>Amethyst looked unsure, Pearl seemed ready to object, but at that moment Garnet spoke, “That works. Just leave the door open.”<br/>
</p><p>And that seemed to settle it. Steven breathed out, relieved, and headed for his room. He didn’t have it in him to go brush his teeth or change out of his clothes. He just fell into bed and groaned in relief, closing his eyes. His soft bed felt like heaven.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink, you really should try sleeping sometime,” Steven mumbled, getting under the covers and settling down. Pink hummed in acknowledgement, then went to sit down next to Steven and started playing with his hair, the movements of his hand gentle, soothing.<br/>
</p><p>“Thank you, Pink,” Steven said, looking at his gem.<br/>
</p><p>“Sleep, Steven,” Pink answered. Steven yawned. He was planning to do just that, but then a thought crossed his mind.<br/>
</p><p>“Why was everyone so surprised when you did that weird move, like a bow or something, when I introduced you to Connie?” he asked, trying not to close his heavy eyelids.<br/>
</p><p>“Because this ‘weird move’ is a way of showing respect to the other Diamonds,” Pink answered without stopping the movements of his hand in Steven’s hair.<br/>
</p><p>“So you,” Steven yawned again and then finished, “you showed everyone that you respect her?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded. “The Diamonds do not make such gestures to other gems. Much less to organics.”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, you did good, Pink,” Steven said. His bed was so soft, and he was so tired. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep almost immediately.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The next morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pink was watching Steven sleep for a while, keeping his hand in Steven’s soft hair. It was getting darker steadily. The planet rotated around its’ star so quickly that it got completely dark before Pink could even think about it. Steven’s face was now bathed in soft glow coming from Pink’s form. Surrounded by shadows, it looked even more beautiful, almost hauntingly so. Pink had to leave him so soon, too soon. He frowned. The gem inside his form vibrated unpleasantly from the thought alone. But it couldn’t be helped. Pink’s presence was needed on Homeworld. In fact, even this small trip was taking things too far. He was risking a lot by coming to Earth with Steven, but he didn’t care. He wanted to be with his human for a little longer. And even if they had to part, they will meet later. Steven wouldn’t leave Pink. The thought eased the building knot of anxiety in his chest.<br/>
</p><p>Pink pulled up his panel and got busy with the last preparations before the announcement. Everything had to be done perfectly. They couldn’t afford any slip-ups. Pink knew that if all the Diamonds did was announce complete freedom for everyone, they would be surrendering Homeworld society to pure chaos. They had to keep some semblance of structure, of order, even if they were changing many things. The Diamonds had to create a flexible system that would allow the gems inside it to move from one occupation to another. They had to create some options for the gems that will have no purpose from now on. The first step was forming groups that will help Homeworld gems that will be purposeless to start with doing new things. The Diamonds wouldn’t be assigning them any strict purpose, that would have come in direct conflict with their idea of freedom. But they needed options for their gems, at the very least.<br/>
</p><p>They talked a lot about the process of change, especially with White. At first Pink was worried that it would be a fight for every step of the way with her, but surprisingly, White was willing to follow Pink’s lead. She was ready to listen and ready to help. Whenever Pink thought about it, a bright pleasant feeling bloomed inside of him. White <em>supported</em> him. He didn’t know if she was doing it for Pink himself, or for the previous Diamond, but it didn’t matter. Or maybe it did, and he just wasn’t ready to ask White about it.<br/>
</p><p>There was another thing that Pink gave much thought to, and it concerned the future of gemkind. The ways of growing new gems, to be exact. They had to find a sustainable way of producing more gems without destroying the life on other planets. Pink was sure it could be found, the Diamonds just never had the need to look for it before. But it was a complicated matter, and after a short discussion between the four of them, it was decided that they will wait until the announcement before making any plans. Yellow said it would be best to form a group of highly proficient Peridots who were taking care of the kindergartens on some of White’s colonies. The Diamonds knew everything about growing gems, but the Peridots were the ones with all the information about the planets’ resources and the methods of using these resources. They agreed that a way to grow the new gems harmlessly could be found, but it would take a good while. In the meantime, they decided to stop growing new gems on other planets. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was a necessary one. They didn’t want to cause more destruction that they already had.<br/>
</p><p>The time went by fast, with Pink working or contemplating one thing or another. He tore his eyes away from the panel when something around him began to change. He was alarmed for a moment, unsure of what had caused the sensation, but then he realized what it was. The dark period on Earth was drawing to an end. It was slowly getting brighter again. Pink looked through the glass panels, seeing the open space and a seemingly endless body of water. The ‘sea’ Steven had called it. It was unexpectedly beautiful, an always moving, mesmerizing thing. The sky over the sea started getting brighter, and the water was almost completely still under this patch of brightened sky. It looked strikingly beautiful. Pink put away his panel and kept looking, noticing the slow, gradual change of colors. He had never seen anything like this on Homeworld, and he had never visited the colonies.<br/>
</p><p>At some point, Steven started moving more. He made some sleepy noises and then yawned. Pink tore his gaze away from the sky to look at him. Steven smiled sleepily, and Pink smiled back.<br/>
</p><p>“You want to go see the sunrise?” Steven asked, whispering for some reason.<br/>
</p><p>“The sun?” Pink repeated, also whispering. The word sounded familiar, like he heard it before.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah. It’s our star,” Steven explained. Then he sat up in bed and stretched his hands over his head. “I haven’t slept this well in such a long time,” he sighed and rubbed at his eye.<br/>
</p><p>“I want to look at the sun,” Pink said and added, just in case, “with you.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven got up and moved the glass panel away. They went out on the balcony and leaned on the railing, standing close to each other.<br/>
</p><p>“I missed this so much,” Steven said, his tone still barely above the whisper.<br/>
</p><p>Pink was looking at the expanse of the sky, filled with rich colors. It was mostly gray and blue, but bright orange and yellow hues were blooming in one particular area. An unusual kind of silence was around them, the kind he had never experienced on Homeworld. It was often quiet on Homeworld, but it seemed… artificial in a way. It was a silence of deep hollow caves, an echoing, oppressive, structured thing. Here on Earth the silence seemed somehow… alive. It was accompanied by the sea making very soft noises as the water came to the shore and back, then to the shore and back again. It felt like everything was waiting for something. As if something was about to break the silence, but didn’t dare to yet.<br/>
</p><p>Far away on the horizon where the sky was changing color, a golden flash appeared, mirrored in deep water. Pink stood still, watching as the flash moved, almost liquid, too bright to look at. A delicate feeling, much like awe, was quivering in his chest. The flash got bigger and bigger, as the dancing golden lines on the water moved closer and closer to the shore. It was the Sun, the star at the center of this planetary system.<br/>
</p><p>He felt Steven pressing his arm to Pink’s own and looked at him.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s usually chilly at sunrise,” Steven explained, a light blush dusting his cheeks. Pink remembered that humans reacted to the slightest changes of the temperature. He turned and squeezed Steven in a hug. Steven relaxed into the embrace, and they continued watching the sunrise quietly, pressed snugly together.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s beautiful,” Steven whispered, barely audible, and Pink quietly agreed.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>When they returned to Steven’s chamber, Pearl and Amethyst were standing by the door. Pearl sent Pink a fleeting nervous glance, and Amethyst looked at him with clear curiosity. Pink answered both of them with a blank stare. He didn’t really have any definite feelings about the Crystal gems (except for Peridot, he couldn’t stand the sight of her). They were Steven’s family, but Pink didn’t move further than that statement.<br/>
</p><p>“Good morning!” Steven smiled in their direction.<br/>
</p><p>“Good morning, Steven,” Pearl answered.<br/>
</p><p>“How was sleeping in your own bed for a change?” Amethyst asked with a grin on her face.<br/>
</p><p>“It was great!” Steven exclaimed, moving forward, towards the door. Pink followed. The gems let them pass and followed the two of them down the stairs.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m starving,” Steven added, and Pearl suggested, “I could make some breakfast.”<br/>
</p><p>“No, Pearl, thanks, but it’s okay. I can make it myself. Good morning, dad!”<br/>
</p><p>Greg-dad sat up on the couch, yawning and rubbing at his eyes.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah.” He stifled another yawn (why did humans do that anyway?), and then continued, “Isn’t it too early though?”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, I feel rested and ready for the day, so…” Steven shrugged his shoulders and then opened some white rectangular object, peering inside. It was… a sort of storage?<br/>
</p><p>“Hm-m, how about scrambled eggs for breakfast?” Steven mused. Pink didn’t understand anything, but decided not to ask. He walked over instead and peered into the storage over Steven’s shoulder. He noticed how Steven’s Pearl stiffened at that.<br/>
</p><p>Steven looked at him and smiled. “You don’t know what a fridge is, do you, Pink?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink answered him with a puzzled look. Steven took out a type of box from the storage – the fridge? – and put it on the table.<br/>
</p><p>“In the fridge we store food that can get bad from, uh, the warmth,” Steven explained, doing something strange with the box at the same time. There were several white, oval objects inside. Pink was watching, intrigued.<br/>
</p><p>“Everything on Earth is so dependent on stable temperatures,” he mused. Steven nodded. “This is such a fragile system. What will happen if the temperature changes drastically?”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, life on Earth adapts easily to the changes in environment.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink wanted to ask about what was going to happen to Earth when Sun’s energy runs out. But the answer was obvious. The life on the planet will disappear as quickly as it once appeared. That wasn’t a pleasant thought. Pink tried to distract himself from it by watching Steven. He was doing something with a yellow and white substance now, which was making strange sounds on the flat metallic disk.<br/>
</p><p>“What’s that?” Pink asked.<br/>
</p><p>“These are eggs. A type of food.”<br/>
</p><p>“And what are you doing with it?”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m frying them.”<br/>
</p><p>“Frying?”<br/>
</p><p>“Um, well,” Steven looked around, as if he didn’t have the answer himself. “Pearl, can you maybe explain it properly?”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, yes, of course.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink turned his gaze towards her. The ‘eggs’ continued making strange hissing noise on the disk.<br/>
</p><p>“Frying means using high temperature to change the qualities of food. Certain types of food cannot be consumed by humans without proper preparations.”<br/>
</p><p>“Why not?”<br/>
</p><p>“Incorrectly made food would cause damage to organic creatures, my D—”At that moment, she covered her mouth with her hand, cutting off the end of her sentence. Amethyst that was standing close to Pearl looked at her with wide, surprised eyes. Pearl herself was looking at Pink with something close to terror. Pink frowned and looked at Steven. Steven looked very uncomfortable for some reason.<br/>
</p><p>“Where is Garnet?” he asked abruptly. His voice was too loud, filled with forced cheerfulness. Pink frowned harder. Something was clearly wrong, but he couldn’t get what it was exactly. He wasn’t sure if he could ask Steven about it now, in front of everyone. Pink didn’t quite get how Steven’s relationship with the Crystal gems worked, much less with Greg-dad. It could be something private.<br/>
</p><p>“She’s on a mission,” Amethyst answered. “She should be back soon.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven finally stopped ‘frying’ the ‘eggs’, just in time for Greg-dad to come out of the bathroom. Steven went there himself, gesturing for Pink to come sit at the table meanwhile. He complied, settling on one of the chairs, watching as Greg-dad put the eggs on two flat white disks and then set them on the table. The human sat down then as well, throwing Pink an uncomfortable glance. Pink maintained his stoic expression. If Greg-dad was displeased with something, he could voice whatever bothered him, otherwise there was nothing to be done. Garnet came back, quiet, silent, a hovering presence. Pink suppressed a scoff. If this was her trying to be menacing towards <em>him</em>, it was definitely not working.<br/>
</p><p>After a couple of minutes, Steven appeared from the bathroom and sat down at the table as well. The two humans started eating and making conversation, talking about a ‘Sadie’, a ‘tour’ and some kind of suspects. Pink got distracted looking around at the house and its’ furnishings. It looked nice, even though it was clear that everything here was made using very outdated technologies. Steven’s house was much better than Pink’s own empty chamber. Pink didn’t want to think about coming back there soon, alone this time. At that moment he noticed that Amethyst also ended up sitting at the table. She propped her cheek on her hand and was watching Pink with the same curiosity. Pink raised an eyebrow.<br/>
</p><p>“So Pink,” she started, effectively interrupting Steven’s and Greg-dad’s conversation, “you don’t have any of Steven’s memories, right?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded. Steven was looking at Amethyst with clear worry.<br/>
</p><p>“So you’re not Steven?” she asked again.<br/>
</p><p>“No,” Pink confirmed.<br/>
</p><p>“And not Rose.”<br/>
</p><p>“No, not her either.”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, then who are you exactly?”<br/>
</p><p>“Amethyst!” Steven and Pearl exclaimed at the same time.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s a good question,” Pink answered. If Amethyst had it in her to breach the topic, then he would answer her question. They had the right to know after all. “I am still Pink Diamond. I’m just not <em>her</em>. I am someone new. First, I was shaped by White, and then by Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven got very red in the face, lowering his gaze to the table.<br/>
</p><p>“What are you talking about? What does Steven have to do with this?” Pearl asked, frowning. Pink didn’t like neither the phrase itself, nor how she said it.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven is the <em>most important one</em>,” Pink announced with absolute certainty. “He changed me.”<br/>
</p><p>Then he reached for Steven’s hand and covered it with his own. Steven was still looking down, his face bright red, but he didn’t pull his hand away. Garnet’s face wore a stony expression, Pearl and Greg-dad were looking at the both of them in bewilderment and some other feeling which Pink didn’t have time to understand. Amethyst just laughed.<br/>
</p><p>“Woah, okay. Steven is cool, we all know that. I’m glad you decided to bring him back.”<br/>
</p><p>“And what about…” Pearl started and then fell silent. Pink looked at her, but it seemed like she didn’t intend to continue. Garnet put her hand on Pearl’s arm and Pearl flinched, looking at Garnet with a frown on her face. Pink decided that it was time to mention another very important thing.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, we will have to pick a ship for you,” he said, and Steven finally met his gaze.<br/>
</p><p>“A ship?”<br/>
</p><p>“For the purpose of visiting Homeworld,” Pink elaborated. The atmosphere in the room got very tense at that same moment. Pink felt the gems’ heavy stares on himself. Of course they didn’t trust him yet. But choosing a ship was urgent and very, very important. This ship, parked here on Earth, would give Pink a peace of mind. It would imply that Steven will have the opportunity to go to Pink whenever he so wished. It would mean that Steven still wanted to be with Pink, even though they were going to be in different Galaxies for now.<br/>
</p><p>“We better get several ships,” Steven said and a nervous laugh escaped his lips. “So that everyone could visit Homeworld, if, uh, if they wanted to.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded. “As many ships as you wish.”<br/>
</p><p>Amethyst laughed again. “Dude, it’s like you’re Amelia from <em>The castle of my dreams</em>, and he’s duke Edwards.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven got very red in the face again. “What the hell, Amethyst? That’s… not how it is!”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah right,” she snorted. “And the way he’s looking at you is just a trick of light.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink blinked. The way he was looking at Steven? What exactly did she mean by that?<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, is this a situation where I need to, uh, step in? Do we need to have a talk?” Greg-dad asked, looking very uncomfortable, but also concerned. A talk? About what exactly? Pink felt like he was missing out on some crucial part of the conversation. He wanted to ask, but Steven was faster.<br/>
</p><p>“No, no, everything is totally fine, dad!” he said in a higher voice than usual and then got up abruptly. His hand slipped out of Pink’s loose grasp. “I’m gonna go do the dishes!”<br/>
</p><p>He took the flat disks with him and hurried to where the fridge was. Amethyst snorted, looking smug. Garnet continued standing near the kitchen, silent, unmoving, a small frown on her face. Greg-dad wore a weird expression that Pink couldn’t decipher. Pearl’s worried gaze followed Steven. It seemed like worried was her default state.<br/>
</p><p>Pink turned to his own Pearl that was standing near the couch, watching the scene unfold before her. “Pearl, prepare a list of possible ships for Steven. We will have to make adjustments to at least one of the ships that will be chosen,” he said, and his Pearl immediately summoned her panel. Steven’s Pearl twitched as if she was going to do the same. Steven stopped what he was doing to look at them, and then said, “I think that maybe we should give, uh, Pink Pearl some kind of nickname. Since we have two Pearls present,” he finished awkwardly. Pink thought this over for a couple of moments.<br/>
</p><p>“If that is convenient for you,” he said finally.<br/>
</p><p>“I think it will be convenient for everyone,” Steven answered. “If you don’t mind?” he asked, turning to Pink’s Pearl.<br/>
</p><p>“Not at all,” she smiled. “Pink Diamond used to give me all kinds of silly nicknames.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink felt a sting of irritation, his gem burning with warmth. She always did that, the insufferable creature. His Pearl always talked about the previous Pink Diamond, and with such warmth too. As if it was important. As if it was needed. Pink couldn’t stand it. He was watching her for a few moments, annoyed to no end, and Pearl was staring back, smiling politely. Then Pink looked lower to where a round object was lying on the floor, right at Pearl’s feet.<br/>
</p><p>“What is that?” he snapped, some of the irritation bleeding into his voice.<br/>
</p><p>“What?” Steven said nervously. Pink pointed at the object. “Oh, this? This is a ball for playing volleyball?”<br/>
</p><p>“Volleyball?”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, yeah. It’s a human thing, a game.”<br/>
</p><p>It sounded absurd enough, that was all that mattered.<br/>
</p><p>“Perfect. Pearl, you will be Volleyball from now on.”<br/>
</p><p>She had the audacity to laugh. Pink suppressed the urge to cringe.<br/>
</p><p>“Volleyball? That’s just splendid, my Diamond,” she said, and the smile she sent him wasn’t as fake as before. Pink didn’t know how to answer that. He was taken aback by the sudden… friendliness that his Pearl – Volleyball now – seemed to exude.<br/>
</p><p>“If we’re done here, I suggest you get to work,” Pink said.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink, be nice,” Steven cut in. “Ask Volleyball what she would <em>like</em> to do first. No ordering the gems around, remember?”<br/>
</p><p>They practiced that back on Homeworld. Pink was learning not to be as commanding, and Pearl was teaching herself how to speak her mind and prioritize her own needs and wants. It wasn’t easy for both of them then, and it wasn’t easy now. Pink drummed his fingers on the table and then phrased what he wanted to say differently, “Volleyball, would you like to start searching for suitable ships now?”<br/>
</p><p>“I will do it gladly, my lustrous Diamond,” she answered immediately. “But first I would like to come back to the ship and inform our crew that everything seems to be going well so far.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink raised his eyebrows. He didn’t expect to hear that.<br/>
</p><p>“They haven’t seen my Diamond for more than three cycles, they must be getting anxious,” Volleyball elaborated. That was something Pink himself hadn’t thought about. “And after I am done with the ships, I would like to take a look at the expanse of water on Earth.”<br/>
</p><p>A while back Pink would have gotten angry. Now he was slowly learning that his gems speaking their minds meant that not everything will be going exactly as Pink himself meant it to. It was a hard thing to accept. Pink wasn’t used to adjusting his plans and including someone else’s point of view in a neat row of his own thoughts, but it was a necessary skill now. He even felt a bit of pride seeing his Pearl speaking her mind like that in front of all these Earth gems. Pride and irritation were a strange combination of feelings when experienced together.<br/>
</p><p>“Splendid,” Pink concluded. Then he turned to look at Steven. “Now that that’s settled, I want to take another look at Steven’s city, if you don’t mind of course.”<br/>
</p><p>“How many times do I have to tell you that Beach City isn’t exclusively <em>my</em> city?” Steven said, but a content, happy smile appeared on his face. “Let’s go, we’ll meet up with Connie along the way.”<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>“Are you <em>serious?</em>”<br/>
</p><p>“Does it look like I’m joking?”<br/>
</p><p>Lapis rubbed her face with her hand, a sharp, impatient move. Peridot stayed where she was, arms crossed over her chest. These two were in the forgery with Bismuth, not far from the Off Colors’ house. All three of them were talking for a while now about Steven and his gem being back. Peridot told them everything she knew, and by the looks of it, they found themselves in a very troubling situation. Their talk wasn’t going that well too. They were all tense, worried and upset after hearing Peridot’s story.<br/>
</p><p>“We can’t just stand back and do nothing!” Lapis exclaimed, hands flying up in frustration. “It’s clear that this Diamond is up to something!”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, I’d like to see you try and prove it,” Peridot muttered grimly.<br/>
</p><p>“Peridot, this isn’t a joke! Steven is <em>in danger!</em>”<br/>
</p><p>“And I’m <em>not joking!</em>” she shouted suddenly, taking a step forward, her hands lowered at her sides, her fists clenched. “He was in danger from the moment that gem set foot on Earth!”<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, let’s take it easy…” Bismuth started, but Lapis cut in, “I will take it easy once I find a way to get Steven as far away as possible from this… <em>thing</em>,” she spat, eyes glinting with a torrent of emotions.<br/>
</p><p>It was glaringly obvious that they could do no such thing. Steven’s gem was a Diamond, and if he wanted to be near him, then that was exactly what was going to happen. He proved it before too, ripping Steven away from them and not thinking twice about it.<br/>
</p><p>A heavy silence hung over them. Peridot was staring down at the floor with a scowl. Lapis was pacing this way and that. Three steps one way, three steps the other. Bismuth closed her eyes for a moment. Being angry and upset wouldn’t help them figure out what to do.<br/>
</p><p>“We won’t get anywhere with this. How much time have we spent here?”<br/>
</p><p>Lapis stopped and turned to glare at her. “And what do you suggest? That we give up?”<br/>
</p><p>Bismuth felt a sharp sting of disappointment. Was she really thinking that Bismuth would suggest such a thing? Lapis sighed, looking contrite, and then said, “I’m sorry. I’m just… I don’t know myself what we should do.”<br/>
</p><p>“We’re all worried about Steven. And we’re trying to come up with the best possible solution here,” Bismuth answered, tome placating. “First, I suggest we don’t make scenes like yesterday.”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, so it’s my fault for saying exactly what I think about this Diamond to his face?” Peridot asked, narrowing her eyes.<br/>
</p><p>Bismuth put her hands up immediately, trying to smooth away the burn of anger in Peridot’s eyes. “That’s not what I meant. We all have Steven’s best interests in mind here, right? And the more we try to engage his gem in a conflict right now, the more Steven himself gets worried and upset.”<br/>
</p><p>Lapis and Peridot were quiet at that. They knew it was the truth. They all saw how hard Steven tried to keep their interactions peaceful yesterday, doing all he could to mediate any budding conflicts.<br/>
</p><p>“The situation wasn’t… It was complicated. Yesterday everyone was…” She tried to find fitting words. Bismuth wasn’t good at softening thigs up, she was usually the blunt one. But she needed to get her point across now, not get Lapis and Peridot more upset. “We were all very surprised and happy, but we also knew that this return wouldn’t have happened without a reason. The Diamond wanted Steven on Earth, for which purpose we don’t yet know. But us shouting accusations now will only make things worse. I think us letting up will give Steven a much needed break, the poor guy was stuck on Homeworld with this gem and just came back! And anyway, if this Diamond has a plan, he won’t share it with us, and neither will he be moved by our anger. I think us being blinded by anger and confusion is what he aims for, so let’s not give him that,” she finished, voice firm. Bismuth dealt with Diamond shenanigans before, she went through a war and experienced personally the unbending will of at least one Diamond.<br/>
</p><p>“So you suggest we leave the Diamond to walk around in Beach City doing whatever the hell he wishes?” Lapis said very quietly.<br/>
</p><p>“He will do whatever he wishes whether we get involved or not,” Bismuth cut in. “And didn’t this Diamond say he will be leaving Earth soon? If he isn’t planning on taking Steven with him, then we will get what we want without any unnecessary fights. He will be back on Homeworld, Steven will be here with us. And we’ll be able to assess the situation again, with no Diamond hanging over our head.”<br/>
</p><p>What she didn’t mention was that the Diamonds were hanging over their heads at all times, whether they were here or on Homeworld. She wanted to support her friends, not stress them out more.<br/>
</p><p>“And what if this is all a trick? What if he is planning on taking Steven again?” Peridot asked anxiously.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, then we will see if the Diamonds can truly be shattered,” Bismuth answered, lips curling in a grim smile.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Steven was spending the sunny afternoon together with Connie and Pink, sitting on a bench not far from the beach. He was enjoying the warmth of the sun against his skin. Steven squinted, looking at the sea, and smiled. They were just done eating ice cream and finished trying to talk Pink into trying it. Steven gave up halfway, but Connie promised Pink with a mischievous glint in her eyes that one day she will make him “try the wonders of the human cuisine.” And to be fair, if anyone could succeed with such a thing, it would be Connie.<br/>
</p><p>Being lazy and relaxed like this was a thing he missed a lot. Steven was completely content to sit like this for an indefinite amount of time, in the queit company of the gem and the human that were closest to him.<br/>
</p><p>“I wanted to show Pink the little town,” Steven said after what felt like ten minutes of comfortable silence. He shielded his eyes from the sun and then looked at Connie. She looked thoughtful and a little worried.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not sure that this is such a good idea,” she said.<br/>
</p><p>“Why not?”<br/>
</p><p>“Because the Off Colors live there. I’m not sure how they will react to a Diamond going around their place saying hello.”<br/>
</p><p>That… Steven hadn’t thought about that. The Off Colors were terrified of the Diamonds, and Steven couldn’t blame them.<br/>
</p><p>“I think that maybe we should wait until the official announcement is out before we introduce them to each other?” Connie went on.<br/>
</p><p>“The Off Colors? What are such gems doing here on Earth?” Pink asked. He was sitting on the bench by Steven’s left side, squinting at the sun. He looked really cute.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, it’s a very cool story about Homeworld, and Lars, and space adventures, but it’s kinda long and I’m too lazy right now, sorry, Pink,” Steven answered.<br/>
</p><p>“Lars? Isn’t that a human from Earth?” Pink asked, sounding puzzled.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah. The one with pink hair,” Steven mumbled and then closed his eyes again, lifting his face up towards the sun. He wasn’t in the mood for telling stories just now. He was getting some much needed rest without the need to always check if the situation between Pink and the Crystal gems was peaceful. He loved his family, but sometimes they could get… very intense. No need to say that Pink was the definition of the word ‘intense’ as well.<br/>
</p><p>In the end, Connie did the talking, and Steven was grateful.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, I can give you the short version of the story,” she said. “Lars became the captain of the ship called the Sun Incinerator after he and the Off Colors stole it from Emerald. They used the ship to get to Earth. And the Off Colors fled Homeworld because if they were discovered, they would have been shattered.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink hummed in a way that suggested that he was thinking this over. Steven opened his eyes a little to look at him. Pink nodded to himself and said, “If our own gems didn’t feel safe on Homeworld, then some change was definitely needed.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven nodded, and Connie did too. They were silent for some more time. Steven felt suddenly sleepy and warm, sitting in the sun after their long walk around the town. At some point they were joined by Lion, but Pink still treated him with suspicion, so Steven was relieved when after some ten minutes Lion disappeared in a portal, going off to some lion-related business.<br/>
</p><p>After some time, Pink’s voice pulled Steven back from the slow flow of his own thoughts.<br/>
</p><p>“You’re not like the others,” Pink said. Steven opened his eyes, blinking drowsily. He found Pink looking at Connie in his usual intense manner. Connie held his stare firmly.<br/>
</p><p>“What do you mean?” she asked.<br/>
</p><p>“You’re not like the Crystal gems,” Pink said. Which… didn’t really explain much. Connie lifted an eyebrow. Steven straightened up on the bench, his drowsiness completely gone. Something interesting was under way.<br/>
</p><p>“Because I’m a human?” Connie asked, a touch of sarcasm in her voice. Pink shook his head. Steven was looking at the two of them in turn. He didn’t understand what Pink meant either.<br/>
</p><p>“I need to speak with you,” Pink said. Then he looked at Steven and added, “Alone.”<br/>
</p><p>That caught Steven off guard. Connie looked surprised as well.<br/>
</p><p>“What do you mean alone?” Steven asked, bewildered. “What exactly do you want to tell her that you can’t tell me?”<br/>
</p><p>The gem looked at Steven again, his gaze piercing, but left his question unanswered.<br/>
</p><p>“Can I speak to Connie alone?” was the only thing he said. Steven opened and closed his mouth a couple of time. Then looked at Connie. She shrugged her shoulders, but she looked curious.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay,” Steven said. Pink got up from the bench immediately. Connie did too, and then the two of them were walking away. Steven watched them walk further away, then they turned a corner, and Steven turned his gaze back to the sea. The waves didn’t seem as calming anymore. What exactly did Pink want to tell Connie? It must be important. He looked serious. And what did he mean by saying that Connie was not like the others? Steven had no idea. But he wished he knew. Of course they had a right to talk alone, they had a right for privacy. But Pink was Steven’s gem! Was he keeping secrets? The secrets that he could share with Connie, whom he knew barely a day, but not with Steven?<br/>
</p><p>Steven glanced in the direction of where they had left, trying to tone down his anxious curiosity. Pink didn’t… He didn’t want to proclaim his undying love to Connie or something? That was exactly what the characters in the books did when they said things like, “You’re not like the others” or “You’re special”. Could Pink… fall for Connie in a matter of days? Of course he could, Connie was simply amazing. But why then would he compare her to the Crystal gems? He should have compared her to <em>Steven</em> then, right? Steven felt his face heat up. These were dumb thoughts, and they probably didn’t have a grain of truth in them. He was overthinking.<br/>
</p><p>After a couple of minutes Steven was relieved to see them coming back. Connie looked both serious and gentle, and Steven had no idea how she was able to do that. She was so beautiful, bathed in bright sunlight, smiling at him. Pink was wearing a calm, content expression and he was moving with a kind of graceful dignity only he seemed to possess. He looked completely stunning as well. Steven loved both of them so, so much.<br/>
</p><p>Finally, they reached the bench and sat down on either side of Steven.<br/>
</p><p>“So what did you talk about?” Steven asked immediately, knowing that they probably wouldn’t tell him anyway.<br/>
</p><p>Connie smiled, “That’s a secret.”<br/>
</p><p>“Are you serious?” Steven whined, disappointment and curiosity mingling inside him. He wanted to know <em>so much</em>. It must have been <em>important</em>. Why couldn’t they just tell him?<br/>
</p><p>“What are you doing, Steven?” Pink asked, looking at him.<br/>
</p><p>“He’s pouting,” Connie said. She looked like she was trying really hard not to laugh.<br/>
</p><p>“I have never seen you do this before,” Pink said, sounding curious. Connie laughed then, and Steven groaned in frustration. Now his best friend and his gem were in cahoots. That was just his luck.<br/>
</p><p>“Just please tell me that it wasn’t like that chapter of the <em>Unfamiliar Familiar</em> where they were at the top of the volcano,” Steven said, trying to come off as nonchalant, but feeling anxious instead. Connie put her hand on Steven’s shoulder, gave it a light squeeze and said, “There were no claims of undying love, okay?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.<br/>
</p><p>“Love?” Pink repeated. Steven looked at him and found the gem wearing a puzzled expression. Pink blinked and said, “I only love you, Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven blushed brightly and covered his face with his hands, mumbling, “Oh God, Pink, stop.”<br/>
</p><p>“Why?” Pink still sounded confused. Didn’t he get that it was embarrassing, especially with Connie sitting right here?<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, Steven, why?” Connie said and laughed when Steven groaned. “We will have a talk about this, Universe, that’s for sure,” she added.<br/>
</p><p>Steven imagined how he would tell her about his weird relationship with Pink and immediately decided that they should wrap things up for today, before anything even more embarrassing happened.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. See you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m not going to update as often as I did with the first part of this story, but I’ll try not to take too long in any case:3<br/>Also maybe you noticed that the ‘Homeworld Politics’ tag lost its ‘in the background’ ending. That means that there will be quite a lot of political talk since now the time came for actual changes on Homeworld, even though they will still be happening in the background in a way. I just hope it’s entertaining to read:D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the evening of that same day, after an awkward dinner back at home, Steven was having a serious talk with Pink about helping the corrupted gems. Steven was trying to convince Pink that they needed to get the other Diamonds to visit Earth as soon as possible to help heal everyone. But Pink was only shaking his head, his mouth set in a firm line.<br/>
</p><p>“We cannot leave Homeworld after the announcement is made,” he told Steven. “We will have to be there, each one of us, to help our gems adapt to the major changes in their lives.”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, maybe you could all come by quickly before the announcement then?” Steven suggested. “It’s not like it will take long. Last time Centi was feeling instantly better once we all touched her.”<br/>
</p><p>They were sitting on Steven’s bed. The room was filled with the soft light of the setting sun. It was quiet. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl were downstairs, Connie went home, and his dad was outside in the van that was parked on the beach. It could be peaceful and nice, if not for the difficult conversation that they were having.<br/>
</p><p>“You can’t know that,” Pink countered. “These corrupted gems, once healed, will need a lot of help and support. Homeworld will not be able to give them that, not right now.” Steven wanted to say that the healed gems could get all the help they needed here on Earth, but Pink went on, “We don’t know what exactly the healing process will lead to. We do not know what their psychological state will be after they recover. Sure, your Centi was doing fine at first glance, but you can’t say the same about all the other gems. They could get angry, or be out of control. On top of that, the gems who took part in the rebellion will need to learn a lot about the current situation. The last thing they knew was war, after all. We cannot control this as well as look over the changes on Homeworld. And if we aren’t here and something goes wrong, that could put your planet in danger.”<br/>
</p><p>All that made sense, of course. But Steven couldn’t just leave all the corrupted gems to float, bubbled, in the Temple. They were his responsibility too, and he wanted to help. He clenched his fists, then unclenched them with effort. He knew that being angry wasn’t useful in any way, but he couldn’t help it.<br/>
</p><p>“But these gems are waiting for you! The Diamonds did this to them, and all four of you have to make it right now! They’ve been waiting for thousands of years, and it’s simply cruel to leave them like that when we have a way to heal them!”<br/>
</p><p>“Homeworld gems have been waiting for us too, and for a much longer time,” Pink said, his voice firm, his gaze unyielding. “And they are not in stasis, unlike the corrupted gems. Right now, Homeworld gems are the priority for us.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven hunched his shoulders then, lowering his gaze. He did all he could, but it seemed like even with the upcoming changes, the gems here on Earth will have to be bubbled for an indefinite amount of time.<br/>
</p><p>“Corrupted gems aren’t suffering, Steven,” Pink told him, as if it was supposed to make him feel better somehow. Well, it didn’t. They were silent for some moments while Steven tried to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t ready to back down yet, but he had no idea how to convince Pink that healing the corrupted gems was necessary, just as necessary as all the changes and reforms they were planning on doing.<br/>
</p><p>“I should have helped them four years ago, you know,” Steven said finally, feelings of guilt and responsibility pressing down on him. He couldn’t help them then, and he couldn’t help them now. That wasn’t easy to accept.<br/>
</p><p>“We will help them, Steven,” Pink told him, voice full of that unwavering confidence that Steven himself didn’t possess right now.<br/>
</p><p>“When?” he asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.<br/>
</p><p>“I cannot tell you that because I don’t know myself. It depends on how well the reforms will be coming along. The situation right now is… precarious, so to speak.”<br/>
</p><p>That made Steven look up. Pink was sitting with his hands folded in his lap, looking at Steven, his face set in a serious expression. Steven immediately tensed. That wasn’t good. Could something <em>else</em> go wrong, was that what Pink was implying?<br/>
</p><p>“What do you mean precarious? Do you think the gems on Homeworld won’t listen to you? Or that someone would want to start another rebellion against the Diamonds after they hear about the changes?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink shook his head, “No, I meant our society as a whole. Everything in it is being upheld by orders. Procedures. Everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing at any given moment. Literally every gem knows that, and if they can’t be of any use, they get cast out. What do you think will happen if this order of things disappears at once?”<br/>
</p><p>“Everyone will be happier?” Steven tried. “Isn’t that the point?”<br/>
</p><p>“Long-term, yes. But first the gems will have to get used to their newly acquired freedom. That is not an easy task,” Pink explained, calm and measured, like he had been thinking this through before. And he probably had. Why hadn’t he shared these thoughts with Steven before? “When a multitude of options are presented to a Homeworld gem, without guidance they could fall into a stupor, or worse yet, a panicked state. Our gems will need the Diamonds’ absolute support. We must try to make the change as smooth as is possible for them. It sounds complicated, and it is, but it’s not impossible.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven never really thought about it this way. When he himself was helping gems change, they never panicked about which option to choose. But maybe it was different when one tried to make the whole society change the ways that were set in stone for thousands of years. Yeah, that could be scary. And insanely difficult too. How were the Diamonds going to pull it off?<br/>
</p><p>“I didn’t think about that,” Steven admitted quietly. Pink moved closer then, put his hand on Steven’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. Steven smiled a little at the familiar warm gesture, even though he was still upset. Was he supposed to be helping the Diamonds more? But it sounded like Pink had everything under control. What was Steven supposed to do now even? Now, that everything was set in motion, what was <em>his</em> role?<br/>
</p><p>“We will help them, Steven, all of them. I promise. Once the situation on Homeworld is stable, the Diamonds will come to Earth.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven felt the knot of anxiety in his chest loosen up, even if just a little. He wasn’t the only one responsible for helping all these gems. Pink and the other Diamonds wanted to help too. They had the same purpose now, didn’t they? Steven could trust them with this, right? It wasn’t like he had any other choice. Right, just trust them and trust his gem.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, I believe you,” Steven said, lifting his gaze. Pink’s face wore the expression of single-minded intensity that he wore only for Steven. Then the gem smiled, his tense posture relaxing a little. Steven felt a strong urge to kiss him. He leaned closer, and Pink’s expression morphed into one of soft puzzlement.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Pink whispered quietly, his gaze fleeting from Steven’s eyes down to his lips. Then he closed his eyes and let Steven kiss him. They were kissing for a couple of moments, Pink opened his mouth wider – and then a sudden crashing noise from downstairs made Steven start and pull away sharply. It sounded like someone dropped something heavy in the living room. Steven looked towards the door, heart beating fast, but everything was quiet again, no footsteps, nothing. He looked at Pink. The gem shrugged his shoulders.<br/>
</p><p>“Is everything fine with you guys?” Steven shouted, hoping that someone would hear him. He didn’t want to go downstairs just now, forced into another awkward situation no doubt. A couple of moments later they heard Pearl’s high, loud voice, “Yes, Steven, everything is fine!”<br/>
</p><p>Alright then. He had definitely had enough strange situations for one day. Steven yawned. It was only nine in the evening, but it had been a long day. Putting all of his worries aside for the time being, Steven changed into his pajamas, told Pink to move and then got under the covers with a deep sigh of contentment. Getting to sleep in his own bed really was a blessing.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Steven’s morning started almost like the last one did. When he opened his eyes, he stared up at the ceiling in bewilderment, not getting why it was so dark or where were the pink walls and ceiling of his gem’s room. Then he realized where he was and smiled, stretching in bed, slowly, purposefully. He was home.<br/>
</p><p>Steven turned to the side, not quite ready to get up yet, cozy under the warm blanket. He found Pink sitting cross-legged on the floor by his bed. The soft pink shine of his form seemed different in the darkness of the early morning. A realization came to Steven then, one that made his heart clench and the remnants of sleepiness disappear. Pink was going to leave soon. His gem was going back to Homeworld, alone this time.<br/>
</p><p>“When do you have to leave?” Steven asked, sitting up in bed, voice hoarse from sleep. Pink turned to him.<br/>
</p><p>“In approximately two and a half Earth hours,” he answered, subdued. For some moments they were just looking at each other. Both of them knew Pink would stay on Homeworld for a long time, and Steven could only visit after he convinces his family that no danger will come to him on Homeworld. And that wouldn’t be easy.<br/>
</p><p>“Come here,” Steven said, opening up his arms for a hug. Pink moved closer immediately, and then they were close, pressed tightly together, just like they were supposed to be. It wasn’t very comfortable to cuddle while sitting up in bed among the blankets, but Steven didn’t care one bit. He pressed into the gem’s warmth, enjoying the familiar flow of energy, feeling safe, protected. Steven closed his eyes and squeezed Pink harder in his embrace. They spent almost half a year together. During that time, a week was the longest they had spent apart. It didn’t matter that Steven had a ship that could get him to Homeworld in a matter of an hour. Steven had his family that worried about him, he had his own life, and Pink did too. They weren’t going to see each other as often as Steven would have preferred. He was so used to having the gem by his side. He <em>loved</em> him. He was going to <em>miss</em> him, badly, he could already feel the emotions swelling up inside.<br/>
</p><p>“You’ll be very busy at first, won’t you?” Steven asked quietly.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s very likely,” Pink answered, matching his quiet tone.<br/>
</p><p>“I don’t want you to go.” Steven felt tears gather in his eyes. Pink was <em>his</em> gem. They were supposed to be <em><strong>together</strong></em>. Why couldn’t they just be together?<br/>
</p><p>“I know.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink smoothed his hand down Steven’s back, a slow, soothing motion. Steven started crying. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want Pink to leave him, again. It was necessary, but it wasn’t the slightest bit fair.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven?” He heard Pearl’s voice. She must have heard him cry. Steven didn’t turn to look at her, instead burying his face in Pink’s neck. He didn’t want to see anyone right now. He felt Pink turn his head slightly, no doubt looking at Pearl.<br/>
</p><p>“If you… need anything, we’ll be downstairs,” she said with effort and then left, closing the door quietly behind her.<br/>
</p><p>Steven was crying for some time, trying to accept the fact that he was going to be left alone soon. Pink was crying too, in his usual silent way, and he kept running his hand down Steven’s back.<br/>
After some time of this, both of them calmed down a little. The ache in Steven’s heart eased somewhat, but it was only temporary, that much he knew. In any case, Steven had to get himself together now, he could mope later.<br/>
</p><p>He pulled away from Pink’s embrace and wiped at his face with the sleeve of his pajamas. Then he got up from the bed, changed to his usual clothes and went downstairs. Pink followed him.<br/>
</p><p>The gems were all downstairs, each wearing their own expression of worry. Garnet was sitting on the couch, unmoving, brow creased, Amethyst was perched up on the table, swinging her leg this way and that, a jittery, uneven move. Pearl was standing close to her, a picture of perfect stillness.<br/>
</p><p>“Good morning,” Steven mumbled, hearing their strained answers. He went to the bathroom, while Pink settled himself at the table. Amethyst jumped down and awkwardly sat down on one of the chairs too.<br/>
</p><p>Steven closed the door of the bathroom after himself, letting himself enjoy some moments of alone time. He needed them, especially with the mess of emotions he was experiencing. He knew he got overly attached to Pink during the time they spent together. But how could he not? Pink was the only one Steven had a real close connection with during the five months he had spent on Homeworld. Steven watched him grow and change, Steven helped him overcome his fears and become the strong and unyielding Pink that he knew. Steven grew to love him, and he knew that Pink loved him back. This kind of closeness was hard to let go of, and Steven knew that their chats through the panel or the brief visits wouldn’t compare. They had their own lives now, and these lives, though intertwined, had to go different ways for now. Steven had to accept it, he had to <em>let Pink go</em>. But he just didn’t feel like he could.<br/>
</p><p>After he was done with his morning routine, Steven came back to the kitchen and sat at the table, where a plate was waiting for him. He started eating listlessly. Amethyst was trying for some kind of stilted conversation, but Steven found it hard to pull away from his thoughts enough to properly listen to her. He had absolutely no appetite, but he kept putting one spoonful of porridge after another in his mouth, cringing from time to time when it was too hot. Pink didn’t tear his gaze away from him thorough this miserable breakfast, but Steven couldn’t possibly look at him now. He was feeling bad enough as it was, and he didn’t want to start crying in front of everyone.<br/>
</p><p>When he was finished with breakfast, Steven sat staring at the table for a little while. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. The only thing he truly wanted to do right now was to get back in bed with Pink and hold him and never have to let go.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Pink called, and Steven had no choice but to look up at him. “You can walk with me close to the water, if you wish to.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink gave him a smile. Steven wanted to shout, ‘I don’t want you to leave, stay here, with me! You have to stay here, you are <em>mine!</em>’ Which would be incredibly selfish and immature, so Steven didn’t say anything at all.<br/>
</p><p>“Maybe it’s better if you stay here with us?” Pearl said. Steven looked at the three of them. They all looked tense and worried. Of course. They probably thought Pink would want to snatch Steven away at any given opportunity. Steven didn’t know what he could say to ease their worries, but he had a feeling that they would be anxious either way. He didn’t have the energy to deal with that now, when Pink was leaving so soon. They had so little time left that they could spend together, really together. He looked back at Pink.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s your choice, Steven,” the gem said.<br/>
</p><p>“I want to go to the beach with you,” Steven decided, getting up. Pink got up too.<br/>
</p><p>The Crystal gems didn’t say anything more. Steven and Pink left the house, walked down the stairs, past his dad’s van (it was pretty early, so his dad was probably still asleep) and Pink’s ship, as well as three others that were put there for the purpose of visiting Homeworld. The sun was rising, and the light glinted on the smooth metal plating of the ships. There was a crispness in the air that you can only feel in the early morning hours. The waves moved softly, endlessly.<br/>
</p><p>They walked side by side for a while, not speaking, just being in each other’s presence. Steven had no idea how much time they still had and he didn’t want to ask.<br/>
</p><p>“Where is Volleyball?” he asked instead, remembering about her suddenly.<br/>
</p><p>“On the ship.”<br/>
</p><p>“I will miss her,” Steven smiled sadly.<br/>
</p><p>“You will?” Pink looked at him in clear surprise.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Steven answered, stopping his slow walking. Pink stopped as well, turning to him. “Please treat her well,” Steven finished.<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded and reached to take Steven’s hand. They walked a little more, quiet again. The sand was glittering softly, soon to be warmed properly by the sun. A seagull flew over their heads, crying loudly one time, then another. They moved further from the ships, from the house.<br/>
</p><p>“You can always reach me through the panel,” Pink said finally.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s not the same,” Steven answered, petulant. He had no willpower left to be serious, or mature, or responsible. Not now. Not with Pink.<br/>
</p><p>“I know,” Pink said. This time it was him who stopped their slow walk. The gem turned to Steven and touched his cheek lightly with his fingertips.<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t pout, Steven,” he smiled, and Steven felt his lips tremble again. He moved forward and squeezed Pink in a tight embrace.<br/>
</p><p>“You can always come with me,” the gem suggested. Steven shook his head, “No. I feel like I spent enough time on Homeworld to last a decade.”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed, then pulled back a little to look Pink in the eye. “What else could you do half a year ago? You had no idea who I was. Who you were.”<br/>
</p><p>“I thought I had a right to have you unconditionally.” There was a clear expression of guilt and disappointment on Pink’s face. Steven blinked. He knew his gem regretted taking Steven away, but seeing such emotions on Pink’s face was… calming, in a way. Of course Steven didn’t enjoy Pink being distressed, but it meant that his gem fully realized how wrong it was to take Steven forcefully away from everyone. Pink changed so much, and Steven was so proud of him. He felt his heart clench.<br/>
</p><p>“What you did was wrong,” Steven said, picking his words carefully. “But I am here now. I’m home, and that’s where I need to be. And you need to be on Homeworld. It’s okay if we’re not together all the time, because I still love you, that’s what matters. And I’m sure you’ll do great.” He tried to smile, even though he wanted to cry. “Everything is going to be okay.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink’s gaze softened. He smiled back. “I love you too, Steven,” he said. Steven moved forward and left a quick kiss on his lips. Pink blinked slowly when Steven pulled away, and then said, “We need to get back now.”<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Everyone was waiting for them on the beach near the house and the ships. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl stood closer than everyone, with Lapis, Bismuth and Peridot on their left. A little way off stood Lars, Connie next to Lion, and his dad. The Crystal gems looked ready to attack were Pink to make one even slightly suspicious move. Steven smiled at them, then looked back at Pink.<br/>
</p><p>“See you,” he said, smiling a little shakily. Tears gathered in his eyes again.<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded, “See you.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven let go of Pink’s hand and walked to where his family stood, poised for a fight that won’t be coming. They all relaxed a little when he got close. Pink was left standing close to the foot of the giant ship. Steven stopped and looked at him, catching the look of his intense, bright eyes. Pink didn’t look away. Steven suddenly remembered the first time they met here, on this beach, almost half a year ago. How much things had changed since that day, and yet some still stayed the same.<br/>
</p><p>At this moment Pink, standing tall in the sand, was enveloped in a sphere of bright light. And then he was gone.<br/>
</p><p>“We should move back, give him more space,” Garnet said, putting her hand on his shoulder. Steven let her lead him away, closer to the house. All thoughts seemed to leave his head. When they were all away from the ship, it turned gracefully and took off, picking up speed, going further and further away with each passing second. Steven couldn’t tear his gaze away from it.<br/>
</p><p>“I can’t believe that he just… left like that,” he heard Peridot’s bewildered voice and decided that he’d had enough. He didn’t want to deal with their mistrust and suspicions when Pink just left him. He didn’t even know when they were going to see each other again.<br/>
</p><p>Steven wiped at his eyes and then climbed the stairs leading to the house quickly, not wanting to talk to anyone or explain himself. Thankfully, no one stopped him. When he got to his room, Steven flopped down on his bed face first. He was alone. It felt weird, the knowledge that Pink wasn’t in the same building, or even on the same planet as Steven anymore. It didn’t feel real. They were <em>just here, together</em>. He felt the urge to cry again. There came a quiet knock on the door. Steven considered not answering, but that would be rude.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah?” he rasped, voice thick with unshed tears.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, it’s me,” he heard Connie’s voice. “Can I come in?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed, sat up on the bed and said, “Yeah, okay.”<br/>
</p><p>She opened the door and walked into the room, closing it after herself. Then she sat down on the bed next to him. They sat in silence for a minute it felt like. Steven had no desire to speak.<br/>
</p><p>“You know, I didn’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t take you away,” Connie said quietly then.<br/>
</p><p>“Really?” Steven asked, moving closer to her. She opened her arms for a hug and Steven happily pressed into her familiar warmth.<br/>
</p><p>“Really. You changed him, Steven,” Connie said with confidence.<br/>
</p><p>Steven started crying again, clutching at her tightly. Connie understood him better than anyone, no wonder she could understand his gem so well too. She was just the best.<br/>
</p><p>“And now he left to Homeworld without me,” Steven said, pressing his face into her neck, hoping that she wouldn’t hear his selfish words.<br/>
</p><p>“To help the gems there and dismantle the dictatorship. And he will do it, I just know,” she said in that same self-assured tone.<br/>
</p><p>“But Connie, he’s my gem, he’s mine, without him I can’t, I don’t wanna, I just…” Steven rambled, feeling completely and utterly lost.<br/>
</p><p>“I know, I know…” Connie started petting his hair, her voice low, soothing. “You’ll see him soon. And everything will be okay.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven closed his eyes, hiccupping. He really, really hoped she was right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Not her</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The announcement was supposed to take place the same evening. Pink sent Steven a message with the exact time – 6:32 pm – and everyone was gathered in the house at six. Everyone meaning Steven, Lars and the Off Colors, all of the Crystal gems, Connie and Steven’s dad. Steven had no idea how to open up the hologram screen so that everyone could watch the announcement comfortably, so Peridot was tinkering with his panel, muttering under her breath. Steven himself was sitting on the couch between Connie and his dad. He felt empty and unfocused, but at least he didn’t want to cry, not yet. All the others were gathered in small groups, talking about something. Steven wasn’t really paying attention. He was squeezing Connie’s hand, his gaze fixed on the floor, his head empty and buzzing.<br/>
</p><p>Finally, the time came for the announcement. All the eyes turned towards the big holoscreen that Peridot opened up from Steven’s panel. The screen showed the big throne room, where Steven was attending the ceremony of Pink’s return what felt like an eternity ago. All four Diamonds were in their respective places. The Off Colors started murmuring quietly among themselves, but Steven only had eyes for the small pink figure on the pink throne. The figure got up slowly, with utmost grace. Pink did a series of complicated gestures with his hands that the other Diamonds matched with perfect synchrony. Steven thought that maybe it was a greeting, or something of the sort. The image shifted and the next moment it showed Pink alone, looking over the room that was undoubtedly filled with all kinds of gems. He was standing tall and proud, his eyes glowing bright, fierce, and Steven felt so proud of him in that moment, because that was his gem, right there, being awesome.<br/>
</p><p>In the absolute silence that hung over the throne room Pink started speaking, loud and clear, “Welcome to the official announcement from the four Diamonds of the Authority to all gems of our Empire, living on Homeworld and beyond. We have gathered you here today to begin Era three with the changes that were gathering force in our society for a long time and that are now, as the Diamonds realize, imminent…”<br/>
</p><p>He kept talking, but Steven had lost the thread of his speech. The longer he looked at the gem, the more Steven felt a tug, a longing that left a bitter taste in his mouth. He wanted to be close, he wanted to touch Pink, to feel the rush of energy and peace. Pink was doing <em>so well</em>. Steven himself felt unable to concentrate on anything other than the churning feelings in his gut. God, Pink was talking about <em>important things</em>. Pink was changing <em>everything</em>, and Steven wasn’t even listening to his speech. Then again, he could always watch the recording of it, he probably will, more than once.<br/>
</p><p>At some point the speech ended, and the screen disappeared alongside it. Absolute silence hung over the living room. Pink just made an official statement, and the gist of it was allowing all the gems to be whoever they wanted to be. No more shatterings. No more violence. No more destruction. Steven rubbed at his face with his hand. He should have felt happy, but the empty exhaustion tugging at his mind compelled him to go up to his room, fall into bed and sleep his loneliness away. And Steven planned on doing exactly that.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>The nest two days Steven spent huddled up in his room. The gems could barely get him out. Steven was busy moping, okay? He knew he was being childish. He knew that being this upset when he could (in theory) just take a ship and go visit Pink was completely ridiculous. He didn’t care, not one bit. He missed his gem, a lot. Steven felt a constant urge to write to Pink, but his gem was super busy and didn’t answer that often, so Steven tried not to bother him.<br/>
</p><p>The Crystal gems tried to talk to him several times, and each time Steven successfully slipped away or made some kind of excuse. He didn’t feel ready for a serious talk, not yet. His dad came to visit frequently during Steven’s mopey days. He would to play a song, or they would chat about some lighthearted things. Steven was so grateful, because that was exactly what he needed at the moment. Connie was busy with college prep, but they still chatted and called each other when she had free time. Steven missed his phone during his stay on Homeworld, and he was happy to be back in the all-consuming world of the Internet. It kept him from moping too much.<br/>
</p><p>By the third day of Pink and him being apart, Steven started feeling a little better. He still missed Pink a lot, still felt weak and incomplete, but now he got better at ignoring those feelings and distracting himself with something. Now Steven could do things like talk to other people and have serious conversations. He was thinking just that thought while descending the stairs to the living room, set on finally talking to the Crystal gems. They must be worried sick about him, and it wasn’t fair to keep ignoring them. When Steven stepped into the living room, only Amethyst was there, looking for something in the fridge.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey,” he said, and she turned to look at him at once, shutting the fridge door with more force than necessary.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh hey, what’s up?” she smiled, looking relieved, which made Steven feel guilty. He should have talked to his family sooner, should have given them reassurance and possibly some explanations.<br/>
</p><p>“Where is Garnet and Pearl?” Steven asked, looking around.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, on a mission, they should have been back—” The warp being activated interrupted her. There were Garnet and Pearl, stepping off the warp pad. Garnet was carrying some kind of weirdly shaped object, which Steven guessed was a gem relict or something of the sort.<br/>
</p><p>“What’s this?” he asked, coming closer.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, Steven, you’re here!” Pearl exclaimed, looking happy and then concerned the next second. Steven frowned a little. Were they that worried about him? Or was it something else? “It’s an artifact that Garnet and me found deep in the caves. It’s mostly harmless, but if activated by accident it could blow up,” Pearl went on.<br/>
</p><p>Garnet nodded, “I will take it to the Temple and then I’ll come back for the talk.” Then she turned and left.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, Steven, we’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Pearl said, looking even more antsy.<br/>
</p><p>“I should have come to you guys earlier, but you know how it’s been…” Steven trailed off, rubbing at the back of his neck self-consciously. They were all witnesses to his moping and longing for Pink. Pearl nervously brought her hands together, Amethyst wasn’t looking at him, but her expression betrayed guilt. Steven wasn’t expecting that.<br/>
</p><p>“Uh, guys? Is something wrong?” he asked, frowning.<br/>
</p><p>“Well…” Pearl said, but didn’t add anything more.<br/>
</p><p>“We should apologize to you, Steven,” Amethyst said firmly then, and Steven gave her a puzzled look. “Apologize?”<br/>
</p><p>Garnet appeared out of the Temple. “We can all sit down, that will be more comfortable,” she said. Steven was standing still, bewildered, for a couple of moments, while the gems went to sit on the couch. Did they plan that? What did they want to apologize for? Steven, following their lead, took one of the chairs, turning it to face the couch, and then sat on it, preparing to listen.<br/>
</p><p>“We wanted to apologize, first and foremost, for not trusting your gem,” Garnet said, voice serious.<br/>
</p><p>“We couldn’t believe that he changed,” Pearl admitted. She still didn’t look fully convinced, as if there was some kind of inner conflict brewing under the surface. Steven knew her too well.<br/>
</p><p>“And we want to apologize for eavesdropping,” Amethyst said firmly then.<br/>
</p><p>Steven stared. “What?” he said. They all looked ashamed. Then it clicked. “You mean… me and Pink? You were listening to us here, at home?” Pearl gave a tiny nod. Steven still couldn’t get over his surprise. “When?”<br/>
</p><p>“The last evening before he went away,” Garnet admitted. Steven remembered how that evening they heard a crash from downstairs. His bewilderment was slowly morphing into anger. Of course they were worried, but listening in to Steven’s private conversations was far too much. They could have just <em>asked</em>.<br/>
</p><p>“Are you serious right now?” Steven exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.<br/>
</p><p>“We were so worried, Steven,” Pearl said, tone almost pleading. She brought her hands together, gazing at Steven. “We didn’t know what to do…”<br/>
</p><p>“Garnet has future vision! You could have—”<br/>
</p><p>“It doesn’t work with your gem,” Garnet interrupted.<br/>
</p><p>“What?” he frowned.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, I have no idea what your gem is like,” Garnet went on, tone calm, but her arms were folded tightly on her chest, betraying her unease. “Any of the futures I saw could happen as far as I knew, because I didn’t have any idea what he was truly after.”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, that still doesn’t give you the right to <em>eavesdrop!</em> This stuff is <em>private!</em>” Steven cried out, feeling his face heat up. They must have heard him and Pink <em>kiss</em>. Thinking about that made Steven feel deeply uncomfortable, as if some essential piece of safety had been torn away from him.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry, Steven,” Garnet said, looking apologetic. “But you just came back after missing for so long, your gem was up there with you, and we were so worried that he would try to do something again. We didn’t know what else to do. We knew this would upset you, but—”<br/>
</p><p>“But you did it anyway!” Steven exclaimed, fighting the urge to clench his hands into fists and start shouting. “You <em>knew</em> it was wrong, you <em>knew</em> I would be angry, and you still went through with it!”<br/>
</p><p>“You are right to be upset with us, Steven. It’s exactly as you say. We knew it was wrong, but we did it anyway,” Amethyst said quietly. She looked ashamed, but at least she wasn’t avoiding his gaze.<br/>
</p><p>“Now we know that your gem won’t harm you,” Pearl added, as if this was supposed to make him feel better about the whole situation. Sometimes Steven was so frustrated with his family. It was as if they didn’t think it was important for Steven to have privacy, have some <em>space</em> from them.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, he is completely enamored with you, that much we gathered,” Amethyst snorted then, and Steven blushed again. Pearl blushed as well, blotches of light blue appearing on her cheeks.<br/>
</p><p>“About that,” she said with effort. Steven knew he wasn’t going to like whatever she would say next. “Steven, are you really… trying to build a… a <em>romantic relationship</em> with your gem?”<br/>
</p><p>Pearl looked as if she couldn’t quite believe her own words. She looked very uncomfortable too. Steven felt instantly guilty and ashamed. Was that what he was trying to do? Well, obviously, though he didn’t call it like that in his own head. There was no point in trying to deny it.<br/>
</p><p>“Not that we’re judging,” Amethyst said, shrugging her shoulders.<br/>
</p><p>“Amethyst, what are you even talking about?!” Pearl exclaimed and then got up from the couch suddenly, a hurried, fast movement. She still wore that same unbelieving look. “This… this is your gem, Steven! You should be <em>fused</em> with him, not try to… to…”<br/>
</p><p>“Try to <em>what</em>, Pearl?” Steven snapped back, getting up as well. “Pink isn’t—”<br/>
</p><p>“He even took Rose’s name!” Pearl cried out indignantly, interrupting him. Garnet looked like she was about to step in. Steven narrowed his eyes. No, this was between him and Pearl. (It always was, wasn’t it?)<br/>
</p><p>“My gem chose the name of Pink Diamond, that’s true,” he said slowly, tone measured. He could still get through to her. He could make her <em>understand</em>. “His <em>gem</em> is—”<br/>
</p><p>“This is your mother’s name!” Pearl shouted, clenching her hands into fists, and okay, no, Steven wasn’t having <em>any</em> of that.<br/>
</p><p>“Pearl,” Garnet started, reaching for her, but Pearl batted her hand away, cutting off whatever she wanted to say, “No, Garnet! Can’t you see that this is wrong?!”<br/>
</p><p>“And <em>why</em> is it wrong?” Steven asked, raising his voice too. “Is it because you still think that my gem is Rose?!”<br/>
</p><p>She was standing still for a moment, her mouth open and eyes wide, her expression pained. “No, of course not, I—”<br/>
</p><p>“Pink is <em>not her</em>,” Steven hissed, feeling that old pain deep inside him. All the doubts that he had as a child, that were cast away four years ago in White’s ship. All that pain that Pearl seemed so eager to dig up again. “And he’s not a part of me anymore! We’re both happy with the way things are! So what’s really the problem here, Pearl?”<br/>
</p><p>“I…” she started and fell silent. She looked stricken.<br/>
</p><p>“Let’s all calm down now, okay?” Amethyst spoke up in a tentative voice. Her worried gaze was fleeting between Steven and Pearl. Garnet looked apologetic, but she wasn’t saying anything.<br/>
</p><p>“I think we’re done here,” Steven concluded. Silence followed. He turned around and left the house.<br/>
</p><p>Steven trudged down the stairs and made his way through the sand as fast as he could, eager to get away. The indignation and anger were burning deep and hot inside him. Why couldn’t Pearl accept the fact that Rose didn’t exist anymore? Why was she pressuring Steven again and again into having these old doubts about his identity, and about <em>Pink’s</em> identity now? They were <em>happy</em> together. But that wasn’t something that mattered to her. Instead, they had to adhere to what was ‘normal’ in Pearl’s mind – and by being together like that, they weren’t. Pearl was accusing Steven, as if he did something wrong. But… he didn’t, did he? He wanted Pearl to support him in his decision, but it was foolish to hope for such a thing. She was never too understanding.<br/>
</p><p>Steven entered the town with no one coming after him, and started walking somewhere, his head hanging low. He was still deep in thought. After some time of walking aimlessly around the town, he heard someone calling for him.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven!”<br/>
</p><p>He lifted his head to find Jenny waving at him. He ended up near Fish Stew Pizza and he didn’t even notice. He smiled at Jenny, but judging by the look on her face, he wasn’t too convincing.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Jenny,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>“What are you up to?” she asked, coming closer.<br/>
</p><p>“Uh, just… walking around I guess,” Steven chuckled, rubbing at the back of his neck nervously.<br/>
</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him. “So you’re not busy or anything?”<br/>
</p><p>“I… guess not?”<br/>
</p><p>“Great! Follow me then,” she smiled.<br/>
</p><p>Steven followed her without protest. He was still turning the situation with Pearl over in his head, so he didn’t even notice how they ended up on a parking lot. Jenny was talking to someone on the phone, but Steven wasn’t listening too closely. She was done in a moment, and then she turned to him again.<br/>
</p><p>“Did you want to talk about something? Why are we in the parking lot?” Steven asked.<br/>
</p><p>“I just called Sour Cream, and he will be able to find a replacement for tonight’s gig. We are all going to Buck’s dorm, so get in!” she announced and then opened the car door for Steven with a flourish. Steven giggled, feeling warm and happy in an instant.<br/>
</p><p>“Is it okay if I tag along? I’m—”<br/>
</p><p>“Steven. Come on, I got the whole thing going because of <em>you</em>,” she said firmly. “Or was it me who just got back from another crazy adventure in space?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven laughed and got in the car. Jenny drove out of the parking lot and onto the street, heading for the highway. Steven felt his anxious, upset mind settle a little. They kept some easy conversation going while they were riding, the trees and the fields moving past, the breeze warm on Steven’s face. He missed Earth so much. The nature, the wild colors, the animals, all this life that Homeworld was completely devoid of.<br/>
</p><p>They got to Empire City in no time, at least that’s what it felt like to Steven. He forgot how busy and lively this city was, with its never ending car queues, shops and long, winding streets, teeming with people. Steven was turning his head this way and that, eager to see them all, catch glimpses of their lives, their smiles and laughter. He was so <em>happy</em> to see people. He was so happy to be back home, and he felt the relief sing a high, clear note in his body, washing over his tired mind. With how much he missed Pink, Steven had completely forgotten about all the good things that were waiting for him here. This was his home. This was his place.<br/>
</p><p>They picked up Sour Cream on the way and then headed to Buck’s dorm, resuming their relaxed conversation. The two didn’t pry Steven on the subject of Homeworld or Pink, and for this he was immensely grateful. They weren’t throwing accusations at him, nor did they watch his every movement worriedly, as if afraid he would disappear on the spot. He could just stay quiet when he wanted to, without feeling the guilt creeping up on him. Steven didn’t know it would feel like such a relief to be away from his own home, but that was the reality of it.<br/>
</p><p>Buck met them up at the entrance of the dorm and led them inside. Steven had never been to one before and was looking around curiously while they were making their way to Buck’s room.<br/>
</p><p>“Buck, what a cool place! It’s amazing here!” Steven exclaimed when they filed into Buck’s room one after another. The room was quite spacious, with a big window that let in the light of the afternoon. There were two beds in the room, two tables with laptops and a lot of books and notebooks on them, two chairs and a mini-fridge. It looked cozy and lived-in. Steven’s attention was immediately drawn to the photos that were hanging on the wall to their right. He walked closer, eager to take a look. There were Jenny, Buck and Sour Cream on the photos of course, one of the photos from Buck’s graduation showed Buck and Dewy, the latter wearing a huge proud smile. Buck was smiling faintly as well. There was also a photo of Buck with a red-haired girl, who was smiling cheerfully at the camera. They were both wearing doctor attires, or something of the sort.<br/>
</p><p>“Buck, and who is that?” Steven asked, turning to him. To his surprise, Buck blushed faintly. Oh, so <em>that</em> was where this was going. Steven’s smile turned suggestive, and Jenny nudged him in the ribs, making him choke a little.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s Laura. We study together,” Buck offered stiffly. “She’s into photography.”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, did she print these for you then?” Steven asked, and Buck nodded. “Cool!” Steven exclaimed, smiling brightly.<br/>
</p><p>“I missed how you find joy in simple things,” Buck said and then went to sit down on his bed, leaning his back on the wall. Sour Cream and Steven joined him, sitting by either side, and Jenny moved a chair to sit in front of them, leaning her elbows on the back of it. Steven was curious about the other person whose bed was standing across from them, but he didn’t know if it was polite to ask about them.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you like studying here, Buck?” Steven asked instead.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, it’s cool,” Buck said, shrugging his shoulders a little.<br/>
</p><p>“It must be exciting to live in a dorm too,” Steven went on.<br/>
</p><p>“Sure,” Buck nodded. “A lot of interesting people.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven had no idea how the dorms worked exactly, but he was happy that Buck enjoyed the life he had now, that he could do what he wanted. Steven looked at his friends, sitting around him, all of them living the lives they had chosen. He was so proud, but also he felt a little sad, for a reason he didn’t know.<br/>
</p><p>“And what did your dad say when he found out you want to study to become a doctor?” Steven asked again.<br/>
</p><p>Buck chuckled, but the expression on his face softened a little. “He supported me. Which was totally weird. But cool.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven remembered his fight with Pearl, Garnet’s tense expression and the lost look on Amethyst’s face. He sighed. Sour Cream put a hand on his shoulder, and Steven looked at him.<br/>
</p><p>“Dude, if you wanna share you know we’re like, all in the same boat here.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven smiled. Then sighed again. He really meant to make some light-hearted joke or maybe assure them that nothing was wrong. The truth came tumbling out instead. “I had a fight with Pearl.”<br/>
</p><p>“What happened?” Jenny asked.<br/>
</p><p>That story… wasn’t going to be easy for Steven to tell. All three of them were looking at Steven with matching attentive expressions though, ready to listen, ready for him to explain. Steven felt a sense of brittle joy bloom inside, because after all that had happened, his friends were still there for him when he needed it most.<br/>
</p><p>“She doesn’t approve of, uh, the way our relationship with my gem works,” Steven said.<br/>
</p><p>“What even happened? How did you end up… split?” Jenny asked cautiously, as if afraid to upset him. Yeah, he will have to start at the beginning with them. He never really told them what exactly happened in White’s ship, couldn’t bear sharing it back then. Now he thought maybe he could explain.<br/>
</p><p>“So, to keep it short, me and Pink got split by White Diamond, one of the rulers of Homeworld. Then my gem spent four years there while I was stuck back Earth. So now he’s basically his own person.”<br/>
</p><p>“And where is he now?” Sour Cream asked.<br/>
</p><p>“On Homeworld, helping to change it for the better. He acts like one of its rulers now.”<br/>
</p><p>“So… all this time you were away you spent with this newly formed person of a gem on this Homeworld?” Buck asked, his face pensive.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, he, uh, wasn’t the most understanding in the beginning,” Steven said, wringing his hands nervously. Now that he started with the story, he had to finish it though.  “That’s why I couldn’t leave. But he changed, I helped him change.”<br/>
</p><p>There was silence for some moments while Jenny, Buck and Sour Cream were mulling this over. They didn’t know much about gem business or Homeworld for that matter, but they asked Steven to share, and he did exactly that. Steven looked out the window at the huge tree that was growing just outside, its leaves fluttering in the gentle wind. It was so vividly green that it made him smile. If there were trees back on Homeworld, it would have been a much more welcoming place.<br/>
</p><p>“And what exactly made Pearl upset?” Jenny asked finally.<br/>
</p><p>Steven blushed, lowering his gaze. He didn’t want to get into too much detail, but he needed to explain it all somehow.<br/>
</p><p>“Me and Pink we… We got close during the time I spent on Homeworld with him,” he confessed, feeling his face burn. “Pearl thinks that it’s… wrong.”<br/>
</p><p>“But he’s your gem, isn’t he?” Buck asked, looking puzzled.<br/>
</p><p>Steven nodded, “Well, yeah, but he was also… my mom’s gem? In his past life? But he isn’t anymore.”<br/>
</p><p>A brief silence settled into place again. Jenny and Sour Cream looked like they were trying hard to wrap their heads around this situation, while Buck just nodded.<br/>
</p><p>“God, why is my life so weird,” Steven groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Sorry to dump all this on you, guys…” he mumbled, but Jenny cut him off with a firm, “Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven pulled his hands away from his face to look at her. She smiled encouragingly at him. “You’ve lived with aliens your whole life, of course it’s gonna be weird!”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, dude, we’re not judging here, or anything,” Sour Cream added. Buck nodded again. Steven smiled, blinking hard, willing away the tears that threatened to spill out. He had such <em>amazing</em> friends. They were the best.<br/>
</p><p>“Thank you, guys,” he said, and they all started smiling.<br/>
</p><p>“But dude, didn’t you tell Pearl that your gem isn’t your mom anymore?” Buck asked then, and Steven flinched a little. When he was younger he had so many doubts about his own identity. Now though… He remembered Pink, with his slow, graceful movements and strong, unbending will, he remembered how Pink looked at him as if Steven was everything he needed, how Steven slowly guided the gem to become the best version of himself. Steven knew that Pink was himself, and <em>only</em> himself. The question was how to explain that to Pearl.<br/>
</p><p>“For a long time Pearl treated me like… like a continuation of Rose,” Steven said with effort. It hurt to admit that, but it was the truth. “She didn’t see me as I was, she didn’t see me as Steven. So I’m not surprised that she can’t see Pink for who he is now.”<br/>
</p><p>“Maybe she just needs some time,” Jenny mused, twirling her hair while speaking. “When I told my father I want to start my own business, we got into a huge fight. He thought it was too risky, that I couldn’t pull it off. But even when it seemed like nothing would work out, I kept going. Kiki was always supporting me too. And in the end, papa had no choice but to accept my decision. To accept me as a grown-up, not a child.”<br/>
</p><p>She smiled at him again, and Steven felt the bitterness and worry inside him ease a little.<br/>
</p><p>“Amethyst supports me too,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>“See? I’m telling you, it’s gonna be fine. But you did everything right, you gotta speak your mind, even if it means getting into an argument,” she said.<br/>
</p><p>“I agree,” Buck nodded.<br/>
</p><p>“Everything will work out,” Sour Cream added.<br/>
</p><p>“Just don’t go flying off into space again without telling us first,” Jenny said.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, I promise I won’t,” Steven laughed, relieved. Maybe they were right. Maybe if he gives Pearl time, she will come to terms with the fact that Pink was his own gem now. Maybe she will understand that Steven was allowed to make his decisions too, without catering to what she wanted.
</p><p>Whatever happens, he knew one thing for sure. Steven wasn’t a ghost of his mother, and neither was Pink.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Acceptance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m honestly not sure if it’s common in English to write smiley faces the way I do? (People do wonder about the way Russians use parentheses as smiley faces, that’s for sure) But I’m sure it’s clear what they mean in any case:D<br/>So, this chapter is about Pink and Homeworld, and the next one is about Steven and Connie talking about Steven’s relationship with Pink. Steven may come to some conclusions finally;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pink knew that they would have to work hard, all of them, but he never could have prepared himself for how challenging the task of changing Homeworld would actually be. There were cycles upon cycles of meeting with his gems, of looking through the documents, of talking to White, Yellow and Blue. Only the outward calm and the guidance of their rulers allowed Homeworld gems to remain calm as well. But Pink saw how close some of them got to dissolving into a state of senseless panic. The other Diamonds saw it too, and they did everything in their power to reassure their gems. The four of them had different ways of doing so, and they complemented each other well.<br/>
</p>
<p>Yellow wasn’t much when it came to supporting her gems, but she had a sharp mind and she could analyze the full picture, gathering scattered pieces together. Pink never imagined how helpful this skill would be in the slow process of reforms. Blue was the one who was able to see the innate mechanisms of change and how it affected their gems. She was softening Yellow’s harshness, helping her relax at a times when it was most needed.<br/>
</p>
<p>Surprisingly, White turned out to be the Diamond Pink was working most with. She was the one who raised Pink to be who he was, even before he met Steven. Now they changed roles, with Pink being the teacher, sharing with her the knowledge that Steven gave Pink himself. No ordering the gems around, dismissing them after they carried out their orders, but asking and then listening to what their subordinates had to say. Treating their gems’ decisions with respect. No threats of shattering. No using your power when a gem was saying something White didn’t like.<br/>
</p>
<p>All of this took a lot of time and was frustrating at times, for both of them. But the teaching process worked both ways now. White’s skill, her extensive experience and knowledge helped them avoid a plethora of problems before they even became problems. Pink didn’t doubt White’s knowledge when it came to their society’s intricate workings, but he had never seen her deal with anything bigger than some disquieting reports. As it turned out, White was good at doing many things. The experience Pink lacked, being the youngest of the Diamonds, White gave freely in form of advice. She was Pink’s main source of insight when he was considering changing different structures of Homeworld, but even so, White was mainly following his lead. Pink’s word mattered now more than it ever did before. It was both scary and exhilarating. White and the others finally saw Pink as equal. And with their help, Pink was accomplishing something bigger than himself.
</p><p>It was almost too great of a responsibility. But he was a Diamond, after all. Steven believed in him. White, Yellow and Blue did too. Right now Homeworld gems depended fully on the Diamonds and their choices as rulers. And Pink would make sure that these choices were the right ones.<br/>
</p>
<p>*<br/>
</p>
<p>For quite a while now Pink was in a meeting with Yellow, dealing with Homeworld fleets that were now travelling deep in space. They were looking for a new colony before, but upon receiving new orders, they turned back to Homeworld. Homeworld fleets were numerous and they had to arrive back gradually, or they would overflow the planet. Measuring the distance, comparing time, making space was a meticulous, time-consuming work, and they couldn’t afford to make mistakes.<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink still had no ideas on what to do with such an expanse of army. These gems were powerful, and they were armed with powerful weapons. If left to their own devices, without a clear purpose and no control, they could pose a danger to their slowly forming new society. Pink didn’t know what to do about that yet, but he will figure it out. In any case, he was glad Yellow wasn’t asking him about this glaring problem. Instead, she helped him work quietly. They were in Yellow’s chamber, Pink sitting on the armrest of Yellow’s chair with his panel, while Yellow was skimming through her own.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Two of your colonies are fit to run experiments on finding a non-harmful way to grow new gems,” Pink muttered, looking at the two documents that popped up, distracting him from the fleets. Only the most important of documents came in like that, his Pearl dealt with the others. He welcomed the help, without her Pink would have drowned in the incoming documents, reports and inquires.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Yes. I already sent a group of Peridots with some Demantoids in charge. I am now waiting for a preliminary report,” Yellow answered. Pink nodded, returning back to the lists of fleets. There were <em>so many</em>. How will he be able to deal with them all?<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink reached his hand to rub at his eyes then, feeling a quickly building headache from the lengthy work and from his own worried thoughts.<br/>
</p>
<p>“We could take a break,” Yellow suggested. Pink lowered his hand back down and looked up at her. Usually Yellow didn’t like interrupting her work. His headache was unavoidable though, so Pink cringed and nodded. They put their panels away and sat quietly for some time. Every time Pink blinked, an imprint of symbols that he saw on the panel burned under his tired eyelids, so he decided not to blink for a while. The headache slowly ebbed away, and then Pink was suddenly very aware of the thick silence between them. He still found it hard to talk to other Diamonds when it came to things unrelated to work. Talking about something private or emotional was as hard as keeping himself away from Steven for as long as Pink had. Pink couldn’t let go of everything that he and Steven had both been through because of the Diamonds.<br/>
</p>
<p>“I was thinking about reconstructing my chamber,” Yellow said, pensive. “I could do with more light in here.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink nodded. There was something on his mind, a thought that came frequently to him now that he was spending more time with the Diamonds and had an opportunity to analyze their actions. Now that the silence between them was broken, Pink could try to breach the topic.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Before I came to Earth to get Steven,” Pink started, and Yellow turned to look at him, settling her chin on her hand. “I listened in on your conversation with Blue about him, even though I shouldn’t have heard a thing, by any means. That couldn’t have been a mere coincidence.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“It wasn’t. It was planned,” Yellow answered calmly. Pink stayed quiet, waiting for an explanation. “Me and Blue couldn’t outwardly go against White’s orders. That meant we had to find another way to let you know about Steven. White didn’t prohibit me and Blue talking about him, so…”<br/>
</p>
<p>“You <em>made</em> it so that I could listen in,” Pink interrupted, a sudden realization dawning on him. “And that report that you sent me – you did it on purpose, so that I would come to you, asking for further instructions on it. But… that was such an unlikely outcome. So many things could have happened differently.”<br/>
</p>
<p>He was still reeling from the fact that Yellow was apparently keen on helping him. That she wanted to help him so much as to even <em>make a plan</em>, going against White’s orders, putting herself in danger… And she did it all… for him?<br/>
</p>
<p>“It didn’t work before,” Yellow said. “So I kept trying until it did.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“All these reports that I felt so lost in,” Pink mumbled, still bewildered, but also feeling a tentative sense of joy. “You were sending them so that I would come to you asking for help and could overhear you talking. You’ve been trying to tell me all this time.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“Yes,” she nodded. “Blue didn’t know about the plan though. I wasn’t sure she could have managed otherwise. White’s orders always hit her stronger than us.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Blue must have felt powerless, unable to go against the oldest Diamond, and with Yellow so frequently trying to talk to her about Steven… Pink didn’t know what Blue had been feeling then, but it surely wasn’t anything pleasant.<br/>
</p>
<p>“And so, every time you planned that I might appear near the door of your chamber, you started talking to Blue about Steven?” he asked.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Yes, I did. Every time,” she confirmed, voice mild.<br/>
</p>
<p>“But that must have taken cycles upon cycles of time!”<br/>
</p>
<p>“I started trying almost right after White…” she stopped for a moment, then went on, “Right after your return.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“All this time,” Pink muttered, putting the pieces together finally. He looked up at her again. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”<br/>
</p>
<p>Yellow shrugged her shoulders. “I thought you wouldn’t be interested. You never asked.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t be interested?!” Pink exclaimed, hands curling into fists. “All this time I thought you did <em>everything</em> to make me <em>miserable!</em>”<br/>
</p>
<p>Yellow’s expression showed regret then. “I’m…” she started, then went on after a pause, “I didn’t know how to talk about this with you. You… Pink never…” she wasn’t looking at Pink when she finished, voice quiet, “She was never as angry as… as you were with us. She was… so small, at least we thought so, we thought we had a right not to take her seriously, and… But you are right. What happened is our fault as much as White’s.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink froze at her words. A lot of different emotions danced and melded inside him, and his mind kept fluttering from one thought to another, with no rest in between. “So… you see that I’m… that I’m not <em>her</em>, right?” he asked, every word heavy on his tongue.<br/>
</p>
<p>An expression of light sadness crossed Yellow’s face. “Yes. Yes, I see that. Me and Blue figured it out long ago.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink cringed at that. “Blue clearly thinks that Pink Diamond is our fusion with Steven.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Yellow lifted her eyebrows. “Is that what she told you?”<br/>
</p>
<p>“I don’t need to ask her to know the truth.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“Is that so?” Yellow said, crossing her arms over her chest, looking displeased. “Maybe you could have asked Blue herself, instead of deciding what is her opinion yourself. That’s one of the things you always tell <em>us</em> to do with our gems.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink didn’t know what to answer to that. It seemed like Yellow was genuinely upset with him for his opinions on Blue. She also seemed to think that they weren’t true. Pink remembered how Steven encouraged him to ask his Pearl what she wanted, instead of deciding it himself. He looked around the shining golden chamber, tracing the symbols on the walls with his gaze. Then he turned to look at Yellow again.<br/>
</p>
<p>“So you think that I am wrong?” he asked.<br/>
</p>
<p>“I think you should go talk to Blue,” she said, her tone suggesting that this conversation was now over. “Let us finish going over to the fleets first.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink sighed. Breathing was one of the habits that he picked up from Steven, along with blinking. Breathing made kissing and moaning much easier. It also meant he could show his frustration in a new way. The Diamonds got used to Pink’s new habit fairly quickly. The other gems… not so much. Pink remembered how he started breathing on purpose once while in a very drawn out meeting with two Emeralds. They looked at him in complete shock, and then proceeded to finish their presentation quickly, stumbling over their words. Pink was content. Thus far, breathing brought him benefits all around.<br/>
</p>
<p>But back to the fleets. Pink pulled up his panel and got back to work.<br/>
</p>
<p>Maybe Yellow was right, and he should consider talking to Blue. Maybe he had made some conclusions based on his own feelings, not on facts. Certainly not on Blue’s own words. Alright. He will meet with her then. He deserved to have the full picture when it came to their opinions on him, didn’t he?<br/>
</p>
<p>*<br/>
</p>
<p>The fleets and talking to Yellow seemed to have leached out all of his energy. When he was finally done with it, Pink headed straight to his own chamber. He asked Volleyball to make sure that no one will bother him for at least a third of a cycle. He needed some rest, and some time to think quietly.<br/>
</p>
<p>Usually Pink tried to stay away from his chamber, which seemed lifeless and dull now, without Steven waiting for him there. When Pink wasn’t buried neck deep in work, he felt the insistent tug, the urge to leave everything and go back to Earth, to his human. He craved to hold Steven close again and never let him go. Pink lowered himself on the pillows, opening up his panel again. At least they were able to talk through the panel. It didn’t even come close to seeing Steven and talking to him face to face, but it was better than nothing. When he wrote to him, Steven answered almost immediately.<br/>
</p><p>“How is it going???”<br/></p>
<p>Pink smiled.<br/>
</p>
<p>“It’s going alright. An overbearing amount of work concerning the reforms as usual.”<br/>
</p>
<p>He thought for a couple of moments, and then sent another message, eager to share.<br/>
</p>
<p>“It turns out Yellow wanted to tell me about you from the moment White deleted my memories. She thought up of a plan to avoid breaking White’s orders. Every time she thought I was near her chamber, she would start talking to Blue about you, and she did everything so that I could hear. And at some point I did.”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, that’s good right? She’s not so bad after all! :)”<br/></p>
<p>Pink frowned. He had a feeling that he saw this before, but he was still confused, and his thoughts were slow, sluggish.<br/>
</p>
<p>“What does the sequence of signs at the end of your sentence mean?”<br/>
</p><p>“That’s a smiley face! :)”<br/></p>
<p>“A smiley face?”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah! Two dots are the eyes and the bracket is the mouth!”<br/></p>
<p>Pink thought for a moment and then typed,<br/>
</p>
<p>“Where is its nose?”<br/>
</p><p>“Who needs a nose :p”<br/></p>
<p>“Is this another one of those faces?”<br/>
</p><p>“What do you think? :pp”<br/></p>
<p>“Now it has two mouths?”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not sure if I should be sad<br/>
about the apparent lack of smiley faces in gem glyph”</p>
<p>Pink didn’t even need to think about the answer.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Don’t be sad.”<br/>
</p>
<p>There was a short silence from Steven. Then,<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not sure when I’ll be able to visit you. My family is still not thrilled<br/>
with the idea. And you’re so busy right now. I miss you a lot.”</p>
<p>Pink squeezed the panel with more force than necessary, the longing inside him making his gem constrict and flare with unbidden warmth.<br/>
</p>
<p>“I miss you too, Steven.”<br/>
</p>
<p>No messages appeared on the panel for some more time. Then another short message came.<br/>
</p><p>“We will meet soon, I promise.”<br/></p>
<p>Pink felt ready to cry. He blinked several times, trying to get himself together. There was no use in being sad. Steven still wanted to be with him, he just couldn’t at the moment. He typed another message then.<br/>
</p>
<p>“I love you, Steven. I should probably go talk to Blue now.”<br/>
</p><p>“Good luck! Love you too”<br/></p>
<p>Pink smiled, closing the panel. As long as he had Steven, he could get through anything, having challenging talks with his family included.<br/>
</p>
<p>*<br/>
</p>
<p>Blue wished for their meeting to take place in her pool chamber. Pink found it strange, but he accepted. An array of dancing shadows greeted him when he walked into the chamber. There was a big pool in here, and the walls were all different shades of blue, the murals on them seeming to change in the shadows that the moving water cast around. Pink walked up the stairs to Blue, who was sitting in the pool full of water. He took his time to appreciate the chamber. He had never been here before. The light was a touch dimmer here than in the other parts of the Palace, it was soft, soothing. Pink found himself quite liking it.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Pink!” Blue exclaimed when he got to the top of the large pool filled to the brim with water. He found the sight disconcerting somehow. He didn’t like water much.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Blue,” Pink said and fell silent. He would be lying if he said that he knew how to proceed with this conversation. Talking to Yellow was easier, they were both straightforward and harsh at times, speaking their mind openly. Even with White Pink felt more sure of himself than with Blue. He had no idea what kind of thoughts floated around in her head. She reminded him of Steven in this way, she was filled with unknown emotions and thoughts. But the difference was, with Steven they could talk and explore this unknown world of emotions. With Blue they never spoke of such things.<br/>
</p>
<p>“I remember how you would visit me here before. We would talk for as long as we could before I was summoned on yet another meeting,” Blue said, tone wistful, the expression of light sadness touching her face. Pink felt a pang of exasperation. <em>Of course</em> she started the conversation by mentioning the previous Pink Diamond.<br/>
</p>
<p>“That is in the past now,” he said, cold detachment bleeding into his voice. She looked at him with her deep, sad eyes.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Yes, Pink, I know. You’re different now,” she said. A chance to ask had presented itself, so Pink grit out, “And you’ve been waiting for <em>her</em>, weren’t you?”<br/>
</p>
<p>He couldn’t discern the emotions dancing in her eyes. “We all were, this is no secret. And you… It was hard getting used to you at first.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink felt that old ache of not being enough. He wasn’t who his family wanted him to be. But he <em>couldn’t</em> be her. He could only be himself.<br/>
</p>
<p>“But we are trying, Pink!” Her voice trembled, and she extended her hands to him, as if begging. The water moved lightly, touching Pink’s feet, spilling over the edge, falling down below. “<em>I’m</em> trying. But we don’t have the connection that we used to have, and you seem so… distant. So cold.”<br/>
</p>
<p>It seemed their confusion on how to interact with each other went both ways.<br/>
</p>
<p>“So what do you suggest we do?” Pink asked then, not having any suggestions himself.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Just… talk to me, Pink. It seems like I don’t know you at all,” Blue said, her voice sounded softer now. She lowered her hands back into the water, looking at him with clear hope. It seemed like she was right. For their interaction to work, Pink needed to open up to her. The question was, did he want to? He looked Blue over, narrowing his eyes. It seemed like every time he tried to interact with her, he ended up getting hurt. But she was still family. He would try again. Just once.<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink lowered himself carefully, sitting down on the edge of the pool. His feet and his legs up to his knees ended up submerged in cool water. He shuddered a little, relaxing the tense, defensive set of his shoulders. He could try one more time.<br/>
</p>
<p>He was looking at the dancing reflection of light on the water when he said, “I miss Steven.”<br/>
</p>
<p>A piece of truth, an admission that could end up hurting Pink if Blue didn’t interpret it the right way, if she would start talking about their fusion again.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Me too,” Blue answered. Pink looked up at her, surprised. Blue smiled, shrugging her shoulders. “He always knows the right thing to say. He smiles so much. It feels like… he understands.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink sighed, moving his legs a little in the water. “He’s like that,” he said quietly. “And you… you would really enjoy seeing our fusion, wouldn’t you?” he made himself ask, tensing up, as if preparing for a blow.<br/>
</p>
<p>There was silence for a couple of moments, and it seemed to press on his form unbearably. His gem felt small and feverishly hot. He shuddered again.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Only if <em>you</em> want that,” Blue said finally.
</p>
<p>Pink let out the breath he was holding. Then he looked up at her, eyes narrowed, mistrustful. “I’m quite certain of your belief that our fusion with Steven is Pink Diamond.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Blue raised her eyebrows, looking utterly surprised. “What?”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink immediately lost the heat he was speaking with. It seemed like she was genuinely confused.<br/>
</p>
<p>“You were so insistent on us fusing. And you were always so <em>happy</em> to see Steven,” he said, gripping the stone of the pool edge with too much force. The stone splintered, small bits falling into the water, and Pink immediately loosened his grip.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Well, of course I was! Steven was the one who could help you, make you happier, I knew he could. Even if we couldn’t,” Blue finished quietly. She traced the surface of the water with her fingertips, following some patterns that she alone could see. “I would never want you to fuse if it is not something that you yourself want. But… but I thought it would be something you would prefer. You were fused with Steven for a while, and you… you were suffering, I could see that, but I… I could do nothing to help.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Pink stubbornly wasn’t thinking about what exactly he experienced when him and Steven fused accidentally. Instead, he mulled over the fact that Blue wasn’t actually keen on him and Steven fusing. It was a surprise, even though Yellow suggested earlier that that was the case. Blue wanted to help him too. In her own, misguided way.<br/>
</p>
<p>“You don’t mind me being who I am now?” Pink asked, still not able to fully believe it.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Don’t mind? Of course I don’t mind!” she exclaimed and moved closer suddenly, water moving with her. Pink suppressed a desire to pull away. She was too close. “Pink, it’s amazing that we can have you here with us again, and I’m…”<br/>
</p>
<p>Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, started sliding down her cheeks a moment later. They were leaving quickly vanishing marks on the water below. Pink was never comfortable with her crying. He didn’t know how to react or what to do, so he stayed silent, looking at her.<br/>
</p>
<p>“What White did to you was <em>awful</em>, truly awful,” Blue sobbed, blinking the tears away. “And I wanted to help you so much, but I couldn’t. But you, you became so strong, you were so brave, the way you talked to White… I’m so proud of you,” she managed, and then broke down in tears again, falling back to her place in the pool and covering her face with her hands. A huge wave of water borne of Blue’s movement collided with Pink, soaking his form, but he held onto his spot tightly, and after a moment the water was gone, falling over the edge in a waterfall.<br/>
</p>
<p>So, that was what Blue was actually feeling in relation to him? That was too much to take in at once. Pink never would have thought that she was <em>proud</em> of him, but she just told him that herself, and it didn’t look like she was lying. He blinked a couple of times, wishing she would stop crying so that he could stop feeling uncomfortable over it.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Steven helped me,” he said the first thing he could think of. He hoped that would calm her somewhat. “I would never have become what I am today without him.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Blue lowered her hands then, looking at him. Pink managed a smile. It felt strange to be smiling at her. Blue smiled back, wiping away her tears.<br/>
</p>
<p>In the end, their meeting wasn’t as bad as Pink thought it would be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A question of trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The days seemed to be all melting together somehow. It didn’t feel at all like three weeks passed since Steven and his gem had said goodbye to each other. At least, that was the case with Steven. He felt kind of lost now, even though he got everything he wanted. Steven was back home, Homeworld was slowly changing its ways and everything should be, by all means, going well. But Steven didn’t exactly know what he should be doing now that he got back to Earth. Pink was still very busy, and they couldn’t chat often. Steven didn’t have any idea when he will be able to visit his gem.<br/>
</p><p>His interactions with Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl felt weird, forced in a way, especially after he found out about the eavesdropping and Pearl proceeded to throw accusations in his face. They hadn’t touched the subject of Pink again, but Steven felt Pearl’s disapproval like a physical thing, pressing on him. Garnet tried to talk to Steven about it, but he shut down her every attempt. Steven was feeling down as it was, he didn’t want to have to explain himself again and possibly get into another fight.<br/>
</p><p>Out of the three of them, Steven found it easiest to interact with Amethyst. It was like that often, when the Crystal gems fought, it would be Amethyst who tried to cheer Steven up and relieve some of the tension at home. She didn’t blame him, didn’t give unnecessary advices, and it seemed like she accepted Pink as much as she could, given the situation. Steven was so grateful for her support. He didn’t know what he would do without her.<br/>
</p><p>He tried to talk more with Connie and his dad, even though his dad had mixed feelings about his gem. He will still, first and foremost, support Steven, was what he said, and Steven could have cried from relief at that. They never really breached the topic of Pink and Homeworld, but there was always plenty of other stuff to talk about with his dad.<br/>
</p><p>Connie was still busy with college prep, but she would free up a lot of time just to meet with him. Steven felt guilty, but she told him that he is not to change her mind on that decision and not to feel bad because of it. Which she repeated several times, forcing Steven to promise exactly that. Now he tried to use Connie’s free time to hang out at her place. Sometimes he would take Lion and sometimes the bus. He didn’t admit even to himself that meeting up with her and his dad was a perfect way of escaping the weird, tense situation that settled over his own home.<br/>
</p><p>Today Steven got to Connie’s place exactly on time. He brought some snacks, and they were honestly more for him than for Connie. Ever since he got back to Earth, Steven couldn’t get enough of food. Everything seemed to be bursting with flavor to him.<br/>
</p><p>Steven got off of Lion and stepped onto the pavement, holding several fruit bars and a big pack of chips in his hands.<br/>
</p><p>“Thanks, buddy,” he said to Lion, who only huffed in answer. Steven walked up to Connie’s house, humming softly, and rang the door. Connie opened it almost immediately. Steven was glad, in a selfish kind of way, that her parents weren’t home. Every time he met Mr. and Ms. Maheswaran, they threw him looks full of suspicion while Steven tried to be awkwardly polite. The whole thing honestly made him quite anxious.<br/>
</p><p>“Right on time,” Connie said as a way of greeting, smiling at him. “Come in.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven smiled back, walking through the door and dropping the snacks in her waiting arms. They had figured out a routine by now.<br/>
</p><p>“I’ll take that upstairs,” Connie said, turning away. “Want anything? Tea, coffee, juice?”<br/>
</p><p>“Just water, I’ll go get it myself. Thanks though,” Steven answered, and she nodded. After he drank a glass of water, Steven joined Connie upstairs. He liked her room a lot. The photos on the wall (he was on a lot of them, which he was proud of, even though it was a little silly), Connie’s bunk bed and a cozy, almost hidden space underneath where Steven liked to be most of the time. There was also a comfortable, soft beanbag, but Steven still preferred the cozy couch just next to the wall, right under Connie’s bed. Steven always felt at ease at Connie’s place. All of his worries and his family’s suspicions seemed to dissipate in Connie’s presence. It was honestly some kind of super power that she possessed.<br/>
</p><p>Steven let himself relax a little as he made his way to the small couch. Connie turned to him from her place at the table and said, “I just need to finish one thing quickly.”<br/>
</p><p>She sounded apologetic, so Steven rushed to say, “Sure! I’ll deal with these fruit bars meanwhile, if you don’t mind. Here are your chips.”<br/>
</p><p>“Thanks,” she said, accepting the bag of lentil chips from him.<br/>
</p><p>They spent some time in silence while Connie was finishing her notes and Steven was scrolling through the feed on his phone and eating the fruit bars one after another. He was trying hard not to blame himself for distracting Connie from her studies. It was hard.<br/>
</p><p>When Connie finished whatever assignments she had, she turned to him again. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” Her steady gaze and serious voice made Steven instantly tense up.<br/>
</p><p>“About what?” he asked, trying to feign nonchalance.<br/>
</p><p>“About Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>Oh. They hadn’t discussed Pink in any serious manner ever since the gem left to Homeworld. The last thing Steven wanted to do was talk to Connie about his weird, straying too far from normal relationship with his gem. But she deserved to know the truth. She deserved to know everything, and so Steven sighed, “Alright. What about him?”<br/>
</p><p>When she didn’t immediately answer, instead chewing on her lip, Steven felt a wave of sudden irritation. <em>All</em> of his conversations that had to do with Pink turned to this. First it would be unsure looks and worried expressions, then it would be accusations, opinions or advices for which he didn’t ask. He knew how it went with everyone else, but he thought that with Connie it would be different.<br/>
</p><p>“Let me guess,” Steven said, tone biting, “you want to tell me that I shouldn’t trust him fully. That he’s a Diamond after all. That he spent too much time on Homeworld in White Diamond’s presence. Or maybe you want to tell me how we should fuse as soon as possible?”<br/>
</p><p>“What? No,” she said, her expression surprised and wounded. Steven regretted his outburst immediately. What was he thinking? Of course Connie wouldn’t say such things to him. Connie was different. “You know my opinion on Pink, and you <em>know</em> I’d never want for you to fuse if it’s not what you want,” she went on, and Steven felt his heart clench. He wished Pearl told him something of the sort. Right, in his dreams maybe.<br/>
</p><p>Steven hunched his shoulders and rubbed at his face with his hand. Connie joined him on the small couch then, and Steven moved, giving her more space. It was a tight fit, but Steven was glad. It was easier to have this conversation when they were close.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Steven said with effort. “Pearl and Garnet…” And all the others, he thought to himself, but didn’t say it. He sighed and went on, “It seems like all they want to do is to criticize my decisions or my attitude towards Pink, but I shouldn’t have assumed that you would be the same. You and Amethyst are the only ones who treat Pink differently.”<br/>
</p><p>“It’s going to be okay,” she said softly, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Try to give them time.”<br/>
</p><p>“God, why do I always have to be the mature one? Why is it always <em>me</em> giving others time, or support or, or whatever,” Steven trailed off, sullen. She was silent at that, so he went on, “It’s been three weeks now. Pink did the official statement and is doing reforms right now, as we speak. What more do they want?”<br/>
</p><p>She hugged him then, and he pressed closer, hiding his face in her shoulder.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry it has to be like that. It’s not fair of them to treat you like this. But it has to get better. It will. I promise,” she said quietly. Steven hoped that she was right. He was tired of the silent, simmering doubt that seemed to have seeped into the very walls of his home. He was just tired. He didn’t know what was going to happen when he finally musters his nerve to tell the gems that he wants to visit Pink on Homeworld. He just hoped they would let him.<br/>
</p><p>Steven pulled away from Connie’s embrace.<br/>
</p><p>“Actually, I wanted to talk about your… relationship with Pink,” she said, looking him in the eye, watching his expression. Steven knew she wanted to know, it was only fair to tell her everything. But he had no idea where to start. What would she think of him when she learns the whole truth? The level of closeness that him and Pink shared, their touches, their kisses. He had to tell her. She deserved to know. That didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid.<br/>
</p><p>“Connie, I’m…” he started and then fell silent, wringing his hands together nervously.<br/>
</p><p>“I need to know, Steven,” she said, tone firm. He couldn’t look her in the eye, and there was a lump in his throat. He was suddenly so ashamed he wanted to cry. <em>Of course</em> she deserved to know, Steven had been denying her the truth for too long already, he was such a coward.<br/>
</p><p>“Because I don’t understand,” she went on. “You don’t act any different around me, but it’s clear that you and your gem are close. Does it mean we can’t be together anymore?”<br/>
</p><p>He looked up at her at once and told her earnestly, “I want to be with you, Connie!”<br/>
</p><p>Of course he wanted to be with her. Connie was just the best, she was kind, and understanding and so, so close to him. She was like a part of his very soul, and it felt like she knew him better than Steven knew himself. He couldn’t bear to lose her. He needed her close, needed her so much.<br/>
</p><p>She was looking at him, gaze piercing, intense, for several long moments. Steven held her gaze, even though his face felt warm with embarrassment. He needed her so badly, it was probably pathetic to need another person so much.<br/>
</p><p>“You do understand that I meant romantically?” she said, and Steven nodded, feeling his face get even hotter. “Yeah, that’s what I meant… too,” he said with effort.<br/>
</p><p>Connie was quiet again. Steven gave her time to think. The whole situation was complicated, and confusing, and maybe a little surreal. But it was time for them to have this conversation. It was time for Steven to deal with his mess of thoughts and emotions.<br/>
</p><p>“But Pink…” Connie started, bit her lip for a moment, then continued, “He acts as if you two are close, <em>very</em> close. He said he loves you.”<br/>
</p><p>She sent him a seeking look, and Steven nodded, feeling awkward and unexpectedly shy. “Yeah… Yeah, he does,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>“And do you love him back?”<br/>
</p><p>There was a beat where neither of them spoke.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes,” Steven confessed then. “Yes, I do.”<br/>
</p><p>He could love them both, couldn’t he? It felt right to love Pink, and it felt just as right to love Connie. Maybe there was something wrong with him, Steven didn’t know. Still, he was sure what his own feelings towards the two of them were.<br/>
</p><p>“And you… Were you two ever… close? What happened between the two of you? Can you tell me what happened during the time you spent with him on Homeworld?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed, then drew his knees up to his chest, curling into a ball. He was glad that the couch was just big enough for him to be able to do that. The position felt safe, comfortable.<br/>
</p><p>He felt like he could tell her, share everything with her. Connie never judged him. She, out of everyone else, would be the one who could get Steven’s story. At least, that was what he was hoping for. He couldn’t predict what her reaction would be. But Connie saw Pink for who he was. Even though there was a chance that she would be angry with Steven by the end of his tale, Steven was willing to take the risk. He needed her to understand.<br/>
</p><p>“This will be a long story,” he warned. She nodded, getting more comfortable, and then looked at Steven with an expression of sharp attention, which she gave him every time Steven told her something important. Steven inhaled and started talking.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Connie didn’t interrupt him. She was listening intently as Steven progressed with his story, asking questions sometimes that helped her better understand the situation or expand on it. Steven still felt a strong urge to keep some details out of the story, for both his and Pink’s sake. But that would be lying, and the last thing he wanted was to lie to her. Connie was squeezing his hand in hers when Steven found it difficult to talk, or telling jokes when Steven felt the incessant burn of shame, she was there for him all through his tale, and that was what kept him talking.<br/>
</p><p>When he finished talking, at last, silence settled over them. Steven looked at Connie. She looked back, a thoughtful and worried expression on her face. Steven didn’t like that. What was she thinking about?<br/>
</p><p>“Connie?”<br/>
</p><p>She seemed to get back from her thoughts enough to look at him properly. And when she did, she rushed to hug him close.<br/>
</p><p>“Connie? What’s wrong?” Steven asked, getting anxious.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s awful, so awful that you had to go through that. Abduction, and then the way Pink treated you…” she trailed off, voice trembling a little. She sounded like she was ready to cry. That was the last thing Steven expected.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, he changed now…” he started.<br/>
</p><p>“It doesn’t change the fact that what he did was wrong! He <em>hurt</em> you, Steven, there’s no denying that!” she exclaimed, pulling back. She looked upset and angry. Steven felt uncomfortable seeing that look on her face. He was <em>fine</em> now, there was no need for her to be angry or upset on his behalf. And still she looked mad. “Steven, he forced—”<br/>
</p><p>“He didn’t know what consent meant,” Steven rushed to say, not wanting her to finish that sentence. “And anyway, it was a long time ago. He apologized for it, sincerely.”<br/>
</p><p>Connie looked him in the eye. Steven snapped his mouth shut.<br/>
</p><p>“What he did to you was wrong, and we both know it. It’s good that he realized it too. But he hurt you, and there’s no taking it back,” she said, voice firm, a note of sadness in her tone. Steven blinked a couple of times, then heaved a sigh, wilting. She was right, of course. But what could he do about it now? What did it matter now?<br/>
</p><p>They were quiet for some more time. The light that was filling the room had an orange tint to it now. Connie’s parents should be home soon. Steven would rather not meet them if he could help it. Connie still kept her hand on his own, and the warmth of it was something that gave him courage to ask her a very difficult question.<br/>
</p><p>“So you think I want him because he made me?” he said quietly.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s not what I said,” she answered without missing a beat.<br/>
</p><p>Steven closed his eyes for a moment, feeling suddenly tired. Telling Connie everything left him feeling exhausted, and this conversation was exhausting too. He wanted to be done with it already. He wanted to know if she thought it was sick of Steven to love his gem the way he did. If she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. As if sensing his thoughts, Connie started talking again, “I don’t blame you for wanting what you want, Steven. Nor am I looking for what caused your attraction. Your story with Pink is not an easy one, and I don’t want to tell you how to feel. I want <em>you</em> to tell me how you feel,” she said, her gaze firm. She had her mind set now, that was clear. “I want to know if you trust Pink, <em>truly</em> trust him after everything he did. Because if you do, then I will too.”<br/>
</p><p>Did Steven trust his gem? After everything they had been through there was only one answer he could give.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes. I do,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>“And even…” she paused, then gathered herself and asked the difficult question, “Even when it comes to intimacy?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven felt his face heat up again. Did he trust Pink when it came to all the things they did with each other? Well, he wasn’t afraid of him anymore. He… trusted the gem, right? As long as Steven himself was in control. As long as Pink wasn’t too pushy, and he wasn’t, not anymore.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah. That too,” Steven mumbled, almost caving into the urge to avert his eyes. Connie frowned. “You don’t feel any pressure from him to do things that you don’t want to do?” she asked.<br/>
</p><p>“No, of course not,” Steven rushed to say. “He asks permission for every little thing now.”<br/>
</p><p>“That’s good,” she nodded, her tense posture relaxing a little.<br/>
</p><p>There was silence between them again after that. This conversation was so difficult, for both of them. Steven felt guilt welling up. He didn’t want to worry Connie, didn’t want to drag her into his messy drama. But she asked for the truth, and Steven gave her the truth.<br/>
</p><p>There was still one thing he didn’t tell her about though. The thing that was on his mind ever since he slid his fingers inside Pink. She knew so much about their relationship already, and Steven desperately needed advice. He needed someone to tell him what the feeling inside of him was, and if it was normal. Connie knew more about this stuff than Steven did. She was the only one he could talk to about a thing like this, and if he wanted answers, now was the perfect time to get some. Emboldened by the thought somewhat, Steven turned to Connie, looking her in the eye again.<br/>
</p><p>“Connie, I wanted to… tell you something else,” he started before he could change him mind. “Me and Pink, we were… well, really close as you know, and recently I started thinking that maybe I want… maybe I… we…” he trailed off, lowering his gaze, feeling the blush creep up on his face again. God, he couldn’t even say it out loud.<br/>
</p><p>“You want to go further?” she said quietly, and Steven nodded, blood rushing in his ears. The embarrassment was awful. “You want to have sex with him?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven couldn’t take it anymore, he covered his face with his hands, feeling shame and guilt like hot flames inside his stomach and chest. “I’m awful. This is awful,” he mumbled, almost too quiet for her to hear. Then he felt her hands on his own, gently guiding them away from his face.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven. Look at me.”<br/>
</p><p>He did, with no small amount of uncertainty.<br/>
</p><p>“There’s nothing awful in wanting to have sex with someone,” she said, tone firm, even though her face was red too. “If this is what the other person wants too, and if they are of age. And if you’re sure it’s what you want,” she added after a pause.<br/>
</p><p>“But this… this isn’t normal, is it?” Steven said, feeling lost and open and very vulnerable. Steven had never shared these doubts with anyone before. He remembered Pearl’s outraged face, her biting words. “Pink is my <em>gem</em>.”<br/>
</p><p>“And you two share a connection that no other two people in the Universe do,” she answered, unwavering. </p><p>“Seriously, Steven, with you I feel…” she paused for a moment, looking shy all of a sudden, and then went on, “I feel amazing with you, like I can conquer the whole world. We are so close, we basically grew up together, we <em>saved the world together</em>, and I feel so, so many amazing things when I’m with you…”<br/>
</p><p>Steven’s mouth opened a little and he was staring at her, wide-eyed. She never confessed her feelings like this, and it made him feel all warm and happy and almost brittle inside, as if the faintest breath of wind could carry him away. He felt an urge to kiss her, but she wasn’t done talking yet, so he stayed quiet.<br/>
</p><p>“And yet… yet when touching you, or kissing you, I never felt anything like what you did, when you and Pink touched each other. Your connection is special, and your relationship is… very special too,” she finished with a small sigh.<br/>
</p><p>Steven didn’t know what to say. Connie was still so close, but she wasn’t looking at him, her gaze turned down towards her knees instead. She looked a little sad. Steven touched her cheek lightly, and she looked up at him.<br/>
</p><p>“I feel like this too, when we’re together. Like I can conquer the world if I wanted to. Can I kiss you?” he asked, voice hopeful. The expression on her face turned first to a surprised one, and then she looked at Steven as if mesmerized and nodded. Steven brought their lips together then, and felt a mix of joy, and happiness, and relief, because everything was how it was supposed to be. Being with Connie was what Steven wanted. Being with Pink was what he wanted too. Connie told him herself that there was nothing wrong with that, and Steven fully trusted her judgement. There was nothing wrong with his love. It was such a relief to know that.<br/>
</p><p>They were kissing for some time, and when Connie pulled away at last, a mischievous smile was playing on her lips.<br/>
</p><p>“So you think Pink is sexy, huh?” she said, just as Steven exclaimed, mortified, “Connie!”<br/>
</p><p>She was teasing him, of course she was. She adored doing it.<br/>
</p><p>“What?” she went on. “I get it, he’s all gracefulness and manners and polite speeches. No wonder you fell head over heels for him. Oh, and did I mention his dress? <em>Nice</em> is all I can say.”<br/>
</p><p>She laughed, seeing the expression on Steven’s face. After a moment, Steven started laughing as well.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, I guess you have a point,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>“Of course I do, Universe.”<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>After Steven left, Connie was sitting in silence and thinking for a good while. She replayed their conversation in her head, trying to decide how she should treat Pink now that she knew about everything that happened between him and Steven. It made her bitter to think that even his own gem hurt Steven deeply, taking him to Homeworld and not caring about his opinion or his consent. Steven had to fight to be heard, he had to struggle and manage his gem’s angry outbursts, all the while being cut off from everyone he loved and afraid for what the gem might do.<br/>
</p><p>Of course Steven was quick to insist that Pink didn’t know better. He had no clue that what he was doing was wrong – and that was proven by the fact that he stopped, once he realized he was hurting Steven. But that didn’t change the fact that Steven got hurt, once again, by the one who was supposed to be closest to him, the one who was supposed to <em>protect him</em>.<br/>
</p><p>Connie sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. Memories flooded her mind, unbidden. Steven, fragile and completely human, pale and still in White’s ship. His glowing counterpart. White’s overbearing form, the harsh, withering glow of her power. The helplessness she felt. They were forced to leave Steven’s gem to White’s mercy. Was it really that surprising that he ended up hurt by her? Just like Steven and the old Pink Diamond were.<br/>
</p><p>They were all worried sick when Steven got taken away again. Everyone was trying to find some way to help him, to reach him, <em>something</em>. But there was nothing. What Steven didn’t know was that the last five months Connie spent in a maelstrom of hysterical tears and angry shouting matches from the gems, Greg’s empty stares and trembling lips, her parents’ worried glances and gentle words, nightmares of Steven’s gem being ripped out of him and endless, endless hours of feeling guilty and helpless, of crying the tears that didn’t bring any comfort. They didn’t even know if he was alive. They could only hope.<br/>
</p><p>No. There was no use in thinking about that right now, it will only make her more upset. Connie got up and went to throw the empty chips pack and the wrappers left behind by Steven. Then she sat back at the table and tried to bring her attention back to her notes. But she couldn’t. The thoughts and feelings inside her just wouldn’t settle. Now that she knew why Pink did what he did… she didn’t know how to feel. Pink clearly changed, and that wasn’t surprising to her. The gem spent so much time next to Steven, who possessed the amazing ability to connect with others and find good inside them. Because Steven genuinely cared. He cared about everyone <em>so much</em>. Everyone, it seemed like, but himself. Of course Steven forgave Pink, like he had forgiven many other gems that had hurt him in the past. Because Steven’s first priority was <em>them</em>, never himself. Well, Connie’s first priority was <em>Steven</em>.<br/>
</p><p>That left her with one question then. What was she to do about Steven’s and Pink’s relationship? How was she to treat Pink? Connie made a sharp move as if she wanted to adjust the glasses that she hadn’t worn in ages. That old habit still stuck with her. Connie wouldn’t lie to herself and say she didn’t feel the slightest bit jealous over their relationship. That level of closeness was something she herself could never reach with Steven, simply because Pink was closer to Steven than anyone was or will ever be. She had to accept that. Her own relationship with Steven was still something very special and precious to her. Connie didn’t want to ruin it by being jealous.<br/>
</p><p>She could understand Steven too, in a way. Pink was… definitely eye-catching. Connie was stunned when he first spoke to her in Steven’s house after bowing, because even if he looked like Steven, he was <em>definitely</em> different. (Something fluttered inside of her in that moment, something she decided not to examine too closely because there was <em>no way</em>.)<br/>
</p><p>Everything she ever wanted from her relationship with Steven was to love him, to support him. Could she still do it with Pink in the picture? Connie took a pencil then, rolled it in her grip, started doodling something absentmindedly on a piece of paper. She could. That was her answer. She could still love Steven and support him, god knows he needed that. She saw the crestfallen look on Steven’s face when he was suggesting to Connie that his relationship with his gem was not normal. Connie reassured him otherwise, and now she knew that Steven wanted to <em>have sex</em> with the gem. That… that was unexpected, but—<br/>
</p><p>She got up from the table abruptly, the chair making a creaking sound from how fast she moved. Her face was burning. That was <em>Steven’s</em> decision. Connie was <em>not</em> thinking about him and his gem having sex. She was <em>going to make herself some dinner</em>.<br/>
</p><p>She walked down the stairs towards the kitchen and started on getting all the products ready. Her dad should be home in no more than fifteen minutes. Her mom was coming back late, as per usual. Washing and cutting the vegetables was a familiar, soothing process.<br/>
</p><p>Unfortunately, it meant that her thoughts started getting away from her again.<br/>
</p><p>If Steven truly did love Pink, even after everything the gem had done, then Connie will support him in this decision. She wasn’t going to blame him, or his gem, though the latter would take time and effort. At the very least Pink sincerely apologized to Steven. That was more than everyone who hurt Steven in the past did. All these gems who were close to Steven but who didn’t put him first. Connie thought then of how Steven was using every possibility to visit her lately. How he would stay at her place for as long as he could, reluctant to leave, how a shadow fell over his face whenever Connie tried to ask him about how things were going at home. Connie knew Steven got into a fight with Pearl, probably because of Pink, but she didn’t know any details and she wasn’t going to push Steven if he didn’t want to share.<br/>
</p><p>She sighed quietly again. Steven had a lot of gems in his life who loved him but who weren’t supporting him. Connie was set on doing quite the opposite. Steven deserved to be trusted in his decisions, he deserved being supported and loved. And Connie intended on giving him all the love and support that she could possibly give. They were jam buds after all, weren’t they?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Now that Steven had this very important conversation, there will be another important one coming up soon. You probably know which one I mean;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Finally together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I really want to visit you,” said the unread message that Steven sent to Pink well over three hours ago. The gem needed to go on another meeting around that time and hadn’t answered Steven’s messages since. Steven stared at the glowing blue screen, a sense of frustration clinging to him firmly.<br/>
</p><p>Three days had passed since the conversation he had with Connie, and that conversation made it easier for Steven to breathe. It lifted an invisible weight off his chest, but it also filled him with a sense of urgency and of intense longing. If his feelings towards Pink weren’t sick or twisted (Pearl was wrong, wasn’t she?), then Steven could meet with him without feeling guilty over his thoughts and desires.<br/>
</p><p>They hadn’t seen each other for a month now, and Steven felt like he had definitely had enough. He was going to visit his gem, even if he would have to go through a fight with his family over it. And Steven was fairly sure that neither Pearl nor Garnet will be pleased once he tells them that he was planning to go to Homeworld on his own free will.<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed. His thoughts were circling around his inevitable conversation with his family for the past three days. It was time for a confrontation. He got up from the bed, stretching his arms over his head. He could see one of the spaceships, gleaming in the sun, from his balcony window. The way of reaching his gem, so close and yet it felt unreachable somehow. No one would make Steven stay on Homeworld for longer than he wanted. Now, how to convince his family of that? All Steven could do was try, he guessed. If he had to go through a fight, through pleading words and worried glances, then so be it.<br/>
</p><p>He braced himself for whatever was to come while going down the stairs. He was a grown-up. He could deal with his family. He remembered Pearl’s face, contorted in disbelief and quickly building anger, her loud, ringing voice, and winced without meaning to.<br/>
</p><p>In the living room there was only Garnet, who was sitting on the couch peacefully with Cat Steven in her lap. The sight made Steven relax a little. At least Pearl wasn’t here.<br/>
</p><p>“Garnet,” Steven started, voice firm and a little too cold. He was preparing to fight for his right to see his gem.<br/>
</p><p>“Hello, Steven,” she said, her smile a little strained.<br/>
</p><p>“I want to go to Homeworld. To see Pink,” Steven said quickly, putting a stop the anxious, doubtful flow of his thoughts.<br/>
</p><p>“Alright,” she nodded. He stared. Was this really going to be so easy?<br/>
</p><p>“So… you are going to let me, just like that?” he asked, leaning on the wall and crossing his arms over his chest.<br/>
</p><p>Garnet shrugged her shoulders, “I still think you should tread carefully with your gem. But you are a grown up. You know yourself what you should and shouldn’t do.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven tensed, then looked away, frowning. Her words were supposed to make him feel relieved because they meant he could avoid a full-blown fight. Instead, he thought of Pearl again, and then of Peridot who told him to be on his guard with Pink more times than he could count. It seemed like nothing he said could have convinced everyone, especially considering his close relationship to Pink. It felt like in their eyes, he was the one with a clouded judgement. He was the one who didn’t have any weight to his words, exactly because he loved Pink and was willing to forgive whatever wrong he had done. Garnet’s next words just proved Steven’s guess.<br/>
</p><p>“But we mostly agree that your gem will not try to hurt you,” she said, tone still calm. So they had to talk and decided among themselves, because Steven’s opinion didn’t count in this case, did it? And ‘mostly’ probably meant ‘except for Pearl who is still mad.’ Steven frowned harder, his expression turning grim. Garnet went on, “And we have the ships now too. With Peridot’s approval of their safety we don’t have much to worry about. If something was to go wrong, we would immediately travel to Homeworld ourselves. You know that, right?” Her tone was gentle now, soothing. Steven sighed, annoyed. He didn’t need their help, how could she not understand? He was <em>fine</em>, and Pink was fine too.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, I’d better go now then,” he said, still not looking at her.<br/>
</p><p>“I would still like for someone to be on the ship with you. That would make me calm,” Garnet said carefully, as if she was afraid that Steven would blow up and start shouting at her. Yeah, she knew now that he could. Steven finally looked at her and said, “Yeah, sure, whatever.”<br/>
</p><p>“I was thinking it could be Amethyst. She should be back in a minute. You could wait for her on the ship,” Garnet suggested, a tentative smile on her face. Steven felt relief then, because she hadn’t suggested Pearl, but then again, why would she? She saw that they weren’t exactly on friendliest terms now. Steven felt a pang in his chest, which he firmly ignored.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, I’ll do that,” he said, then turned and headed for the door. He opened it and was ready to step outside, when Garnet called for him, “Steven!”<br/>
</p><p>He turned to look at her, tensing a little again. Did she change her mind or something? Garnet was standing in the middle of the living room now, her expression unexpectedly soft.<br/>
</p><p>“We worry about you, but that’s because we love you,” she said. Steven smiled at her, feeling tired. “Yeah, I know. I love you guys too,” he said and left the house.<br/>
</p><p>Walking to the ship took less than a minute. The one that they programmed exclusively for Steven so that he would be able pilot it was stationed closer than the others. It was a rather small, sleek thing, shaped like a perfect circle that floated just above the surface of the sand. He activated it, like Pink showed him to, and then walked up the small smooth steps. Inside, the ship looked almost exactly like the Roaming Eye in which Rubies arrived on Earth one sunny day for what turned out to be a game of baseball. It was a long time ago now, and felt like another life to Steven.<br/>
</p><p>Steven walked to the control panel and sat in the pilot chair. The grim firmness that he felt before was replaced with a light sense of excitement. Will he really see Pink soon? Will Steven be able to hug him, and hold him, and maybe kiss him…<br/>
</p><p>“So, Homeworld huh?” he heard behind himself and almost fell off the chair, cursing. Why was everything operating so quiet on this ship, he didn’t even hear the main door open to let Amethyst in. “Couldn’t wait any longer?” she asked playfully, walking closer and settling in a chair beside Steven, legs crossed, her chin propped up on her hand.<br/>
</p><p>“Amethyst,” Steven chided. She just rolled her eyes.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh come on, your gem is probably just as eager to see you,” she snickered. Steven felt his face get warm. Not deigning that with an answer, he turned the engines on. The ship left the ground softly, smoothly, as if it always belonged in the air. Steven put the autopilot program on and then leaned back in the chair, watching as the they moved further up steadily, effortlessly. Soon they were out of Earth’s atmosphere and entering hyper speed.<br/>
</p><p>“How long are we gonna be there?” Amethyst asked, and that made Steven realize that yes, it was actually happening, they were going to Homeworld. And he didn’t even warn Pink that he was coming. God, he didn’t even think to bring his panel, too eager to get on the ship and go.
</p>
<p>“Dude, did you even hear what I just said?” Amethyst went on, and Steven finally turned to look at her. She was swinging her leg this way and that, mounted on her chair in a position that couldn’t have been comfortable. She was eyeing him with amusement, but some concern bled into her gaze as well.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, sorry, I was just… thinking,” Steven said, chuckling nervously. “I didn’t really tell anyone there that I was coming, so maybe we’d have to wait, or I dunno…”<br/>
</p><p>“So you have no idea when we’ll be back. I didn’t have much planned anyway,” she added, seeing the apologetic expression on Steven’s face.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m actually surprised that Garnet let me go that easily,” Steven confessed.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, she probably peeked in the future and saw the rampage you’d go on if she didn’t let you see your <em>precious</em> gem,” she said, wearing an obnoxious smirk now.<br/>
</p><p>“Amethyst, just stop,” Steven said, cringing.<br/>
</p><p>“What, or am I wrong?” she scoffed, and Steven was forced to admit that yes, he would have blown up if she hadn’t let him go. He missed Pink too much. Was it bad? Was it unhealthy? Steven rubbed at his face with his hand. He was so fucking tired of having these kinds of thoughts. But such would undoubtedly be Pearl’s words, if she was there for Steven’s talk with Garnet.<br/>
</p><p>“At least Pearl wasn’t there,” Amethyst said, as if reading his thoughts.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Steven let out a mirthless chuckle. “At least Pearl wasn’t there to tell me how sick it is that I want to be with Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, I mean, she wouldn’t say exactly…” Amethyst started. Steven sent her a sharp look. “Okay, let’s just leave the topic of Pearl for now,” she said, smiling nervously. Steven turned to stare at the star map showing their progression towards Homeworld. They didn’t talk more during the time it took them to get there.<br/>
</p><p>After getting through the outer layers of Homeworld’s atmosphere, the ship left the Diamond Palaces behind and parked exactly where the autopilot led it. Which was some kind of platform among the mass of tall buildings and winding tubes. Steven had no idea where they were. He got up from his seat, anxious, and looked around at the buildings, tall and imposing. Amethyst got up too. She put her hand on Steven’s arm and squeezed lightly, giving him an encouraging smile and a thumbs-up. Steven breathed out, nodded and started towards the exit.<br/>
</p><p>Outside, a lot of gems had gathered, probably drawn by their unexpected arrival. They were mostly Amethysts, Topazes and Jaspers, but Steven thought he saw some Nephrites and a couple of Pearls among them. They were all eyeing him and Amethyst with the sort of detached curiosity that Steven remembered from the ceremony where he had to sit by Pink’s throne, pretending he wasn’t bothered by such stares. Steven felt a shiver pass through him. However much he wanted to see Pink, being back on Homeworld wasn’t… It wasn’t easy.<br/>
</p><p>He felt Amethyst’s hand on his arm again and shifted his gaze to her. She snickered and then shrugged her shoulders in a manner that clearly conveyed, ‘Whatever with those gems, let them goggle if they so will’. Steven chuckled. Emboldened by her nonchalant attitude, he spoke in the general direction of the gem crowd before them, “I would like to, uh, meet with Pink Diamond, if… if someone here is willing to take me and my friend to see him?”<br/>
</p><p>Silence hung between them and the Homeworld gems for a couple of moments, and then a Jasper stepped forward. Steven recognized her immediately, it was one of the Jaspers that were assigned by Pink to follow Steven around the Palace.<br/>
</p><p>“I will take Steven and his… friend,” Jasper said, voice loud and commanding. The other gems, who had started whispering among themselves, quickly fell silent at that. Steven smiled at her, “Great! Thanks!”<br/>
</p><p>And so they started towards the nearest warp that would take them to Pink’s Palace. All around them gems were bustling about, pretending quite unsuccessfully not to look at the three of them. He should have waited until Pink was online and read his messages, but honestly, Steven just wanted to get to him, very selfishly. And the last thing he wanted was to wait an indefinite amount of time, stuck with his mind an agitated mess. Steven hoped that whatever meeting Pink was having, he was going to be done with it soon. He didn’t want to interrupt anything important, and right now every meeting of the Diamonds was crucial for Homeworld’s future.<br/>
</p><p>They got to the warp and then started crossing the endless corridors of the Pink Palace, glittering and cold. Steven had no idea why would the Diamonds need Palaces of such magnitude, but then again, they were the Diamonds, who knew what was in their heads. Walking past huge windows with the view over Homeworld, Steven remembered vividly how he used to walk through these corridors before, accompanied by silent Jaspers and bored out of his mind. He would stop sometimes and stare out these windows at the expanse of the alien city, still and unmoving but for quick flashes of light when something moved through the tubes. Homeworld, for all means and purposes, looked like a magnificent tomb. Steven felt that old ache sharply then, the deep sense of loneliness he used to get while walking through these passages. Even with Jaspers by his side, he still felt utterly and terribly alone.
</p><p>Steven winced. That wasn’t the best memory of the time that he spent on Homeworld. He couldn’t believe that he spent five months in these walls, with Pink at his side (or maybe, more accurately, with himself at Pink’s side). It felt almost like a dream, albeit a very real one.<br/>
</p><p>At last, one of the long, long corridors led them to a huge pink door, intricately carved with patterns symbolizing the Diamonds. Volleyball was waiting beside the door, along with Yellow and Blue Pearls.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven! A pleasure to see you here,” Volleyball greeted, smiling a genuine smile.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Volleyball,” Steven gave a smile back. What a random nickname Pink had picked for her. It wasn’t a bad one of course, just kind of unusual.<br/>
</p><p>“Though I wonder why I wasn’t notified of your arrival,” Volleyball added as their company walked closer, stopping next to the door.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, well, I haven’t sent any requests, or anything like that. And Pink was busy so he didn’t see my messages,” Steven said, sending her an awkward smile. He should have notified Volleyball of his arrival. He felt like a fool because now it was obvious that he could have written to her if he couldn’t reach Pink himself.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, it’s no trouble at all, let me just notify my Diamond that you are here,” Volleyball chirped, summoning her panel, and Steven rushed to say, “Wait, wait, it’s okay!”<br/>
</p><p>She stopped, her panel hovering in the air uncertainly.<br/>
</p><p>“I don’t want to bother him,” Steven went on, “it’s probably important since Yellow and Blue are also there, so… Do you know when they should be finished?”<br/>
</p><p>Volleyball frowned in thought. “In half an Earth hour, most likely,” she said after some moments of silence.<br/>
</p><p>“Great, that’s not long at all! I’ll wait here,” Steven said before she could protest. She looked at him, still uncertain, but she put away her panel. Steven turned to Jasper, who was still standing behind him and Amethyst, still, as if waiting for orders to come. Steven fumbled for a moment. “Thanks for taking us here, Jasper,” he said at last.<br/>
</p><p>“Of course, Steven,” she answered, then turned and headed back the way she came without another word.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, it is all too well that she met you up,” Volleyball exclaimed, as if just noticing Jasper’s presence. She was gesturing with her hands while she talked, “You have probably arrived in sector С-324-Р6, where these ships usually go. And Amethyst decided to visit us too, how exciting! So, how do you find Homeworld?” Not she turned and spoke to Amethyst, though her expression was definitely a little too cheerful to be genuine. Amethyst gave her a guarded look.<br/>
</p><p>“Uh, I’ve been here before, you know,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “A little too empty, if you ask me.”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, that is understandable. It is nothing like life on Earth, is it?” Volleyball nodded. Steven noticed that Yellow Pearl was looking at both Amethyst and Volleyball with a very disapproving expression.<br/>
</p><p>“You must all have a lot of work to do now,” he said to Volleyball and she nodded, “Oh yes, much more than before. It’s very exciting with all the changes though!”<br/>
</p><p>“It’s not exciting,” Yellow Pearl chimed in, voice firm and just as disapproving as her stare. They all turned to look at her and she straightened up even more before continuing, “All these changes are putting our Diamonds under a lot of pressure.”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, but it is what they <em>want</em> to be doing, isn’t it?” Volleyball countered with a smile. Yellow Pearl looked bewildered, as if she never dared to consider what the high and mighty Diamonds might want or not want. Steven suppressed a smile. It seemed like Volleyball was a good influence on the gems who were yet to figure out how to express their thoughts and opinions more openly. Yellow Pearl crossed her arms over her chest, obviously done talking to them.<br/>
</p><p>“I think the reforms are a good thing,” Blue Pearl said quietly from where she was standing. Steven relaxed a little and smiled at her. “Yeah. Me too,” he said. “But are the Diamonds making you all stay here for hours while they’re having a meeting?” he asked, getting a little worried. “Shouldn’t you… be doing what you want?”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, but our support is paramount in the work that our Diamonds are doing,” Volleyball told him. “Every meeting right now is crucial. Every document needs to be adequately accessed and compartmentalized for later reference. That is why we are here.”<br/>
</p><p>“Why are you not in the room with them then?” Steven asked. Volleyball paused for a moment. The other Pearls weren’t looking at them. Steven frowned.<br/>
</p><p>“There are occasions where we are not allowed to be in the presence of the Diamonds,” Volleyball conceded. “But you might want to ask my Diamond about it for more detail.”<br/>
</p><p>“I will,” Steven answered firmly, already wondering what may have caused the Diamonds to send their Pearls away like that. All of them were quiet after that. Steven, having nothing better to do, walked over to one of the windows and looked out at the view opening from it. Amethyst walked over to where he was standing and leaned on one of the pillars.<br/>
</p><p>The silence was almost oppressive. Almost. But it was always like that on Homeworld.<br/>
</p><p>“I never realized how huge Homeworld actually is,” Amethyst muttered, and it came out quiet. It seemed like the absolute silence of this place had an effect on her too.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Steven answered, his thoughts wandering somewhere far away.<br/>
</p><p>“Think that this place could have been my home. Lame,” she snorted, but it came out weak. Steven wanted to say that this place was <em>his</em> home for half a year, but ended up saying nothing. Nothing changed while he was looking at the view of the city. Homeworld looked lifeless, like a shell of a planet, left by its inhabitants long ago. Weird how it made Steven feel… cold and jittery, but at peace all at once. Steven hoped that the upcoming changes will bring more life to this world.<br/>
</p><p>He was standing there silently for a while, taking in the feeling and the view. Close, behind the enormous glittering door, the Diamonds of Homeworld were choosing the fate of this place and the gems who lived here. Steven swallowed. It felt surreal. And all of that started with Steven and his gem being torn apart.<br/>
</p><p>He wondered how else could the situation have played out. If he wasn’t taken away from his gem. If they had reunited back then, in White’s ship. Steven always thought that he was meant to be fused with his gem. It was all he knew, it was what felt right. He remembered then the terrified look Pink gave him after their accidental, momentary fusion. That time was <em>awful</em>, and Steven still didn’t exactly understand what happened. Steven would never deny Pink the choices having to do with their fusion, he wouldn’t force him, no, never. He wouldn’t force Pink to talk about it either. But… He still wished Pink would share what went through his head on that day. Steven could throw around suggestions in his own head (had done so on numerous occasions), but that wouldn’t bring him any closer to the truth. Why was Pink so scared back then? Steven sighed, propping his head on his hand, still looking out the window, but not seeing much, caught up in his thoughts.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, what’s on your mind?” Amethyst asked, coming to stand beside him and pushing his shoulder with her own lightly. Steven shrugged his shoulders, and then he heard the sound of the door opening. Steven turned around immediately, his heart beating faster. Finally, he was going to see him. His gem.<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t forget to send my Pearl the report, whenever it’s ready,” Pink was saying, his head turned towards one of the Diamonds in the room. He didn’t see Steven yet. He was <em>so close</em>, for the first time in <em>weeks</em>.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink!” Steven exclaimed, and Pink whipped around immediately. He was clearly completely unprepared for the sight before him. Steven laughed.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” the gem said, the name brimming with so many emotions. Steven’s heart picked up its pace again, and he couldn’t stop smiling. He took a step towards the gem, and the next moment he was swept off his feet, Pink cradling him against his chest like something precious. He wasn’t tearing his gaze away from Steven, seemed unable to.<br/>
</p><p>“Did you miss me?” Steven asked, teasing. Pink kept looking at him as if he couldn’t believe that Steven was actually here, in his arms. Then some worry showed on his face.<br/>
</p><p>“What happened? Why did you come unannounced? Did something happen on Earth?” he asked, and Steven shook his head.<br/>
</p><p>“I just… wanted to see you,” Steven answered, feeling a little embarrassed. Now he really wished he had notified Pink of his arrival. “But if you’re busy, I can—”<br/>
</p><p>Pink cut him off with a firm, “I’m not busy.” He turned to Volleyball then, “Volleyball, if you can be so kind as to sort the incoming documents. And postpone my meeting with the Emeralds and the Jades. If there are any requests, please send out a notification that I will be busy during the next cycle.”<br/>
</p><p>He was so polite now, that was nice. Pink was learning so quickly.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, my Diamond,” Volleyball inclined her head slightly. She didn’t salute him, Steven noticed. Then Pink turned and started walking away.<br/>
</p><p>“I can walk myself, you know,” Steven grumbled, but there was no heat in it.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Pink said very quietly, so that only Steven could hear. Steven looked at him and found the expression of joy and anticipation on the gem’s face, which made Steven blush immediately. Why did Pink have to look so hot when he was happy? “Let me do this, please,” Pink finished even more quietly, squeezing Steven slightly in his arms. Steven’s face felt even warmer now, but he didn’t protest. Feeling the gem close felt nice and so <em>right</em>, and his body was thrumming with energy and warmth. Steven forgot how good it felt to be so close to Pink. He closed his eyes and breathed out, letting himself relax into the safe, comforting embrace.<br/>
</p><p>After some time, he heard a door open and opened his eyes to find that they were in Pink’s room. The door closed behind them. Steven looked at his gem, and Pink looked back, gaze burning with adoration. Finally, they were together. Finally, they were alone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, seems like all the important talk will be saved for the next chapter. But I can tell you that the next chapter is going to be extra long and that it will have something more than conversations so be patient;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Finally alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>An important note for this chapter: there is detailed sex in it (finally:D) Well, if you’ve read so far then you know how I write smut and ‘detailed’ is no news to you. Still, I wanted to mention this, just in case.<br/>Anyway, I hope you enjoy this extra long chapter since it took me literal ages to edit it:D<br/>Also the name of this chapter is basically the last chapter’s last sentence haha</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It felt really weird to be sitting on the oh so familiar platform next to Pink for the first time in a month. Steven wanted to talk about so many things, yet somehow he didn’t know where to start. Pink was quiet too, sitting beside Steven and looking at him with an attentive expression. As if waiting for something. They often sat like that, in each other’s quiet presence, with Pink rarely breaking the silence, leaving Steven to be the initiator of most of their conversations. It felt so… familiar. Steven was hit with a sudden rush of nostalgia. Then he remembered his talk with Volleyball and the other Pearls. Right, he wanted to ask Pink about that.<br/>
</p><p>“Why did you tell Volleyball and the other Pearls to wait outside? When I asked them about it, they acted a little… I don’t know,” Steven finished uncertainly. Then he lifted his gaze to look at Pink, feeling more confident with his next question, “And why are they still serving you? Shouldn’t all gems be free now?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink was silent for a moment, his expression pensive. “It’s a process,” he settled at last on saying. “As I told you before, we have to support our gems in their slow transition. The simplest decisions are hard for them when they know they don’t have the Diamonds high orders to support them,” he frowned at that, and Steven frowned too. It seemed like Pink was right when he said that Homeworld gems will have a hard time adjusting to the changes, at least at first. “The truth is, we need our Pearls. We need constant reports, and documentation, and meeting plans, we need everything managed as efficiently as possible. Our Pearls are our experts. Volleyball clearly told me on several occasions that supporting me during the process of the reforms is what she wants to be doing. I do not know about Yellow’s and Blue’s Pearls, but we wouldn’t manage without them yet, so we cannot dismiss them, however much we’d like to.”<br/>
</p><p>There was silence as Steven was thought this over.<br/>
</p><p>“Why then have you sent them away? If you needed them to make notes and send you stuff?” Steven asked.<br/>
</p><p>Pink looked suddenly unsure, and that got Steven’s attention. “Pink?” he said, raising his eyebrows.<br/>
</p><p>“We sent them away because we were discussing the ways of growing new gems,” Pink confessed.<br/>
</p><p>Steven blinked. “That’s… a good thing, right?” he asked. Why was Pink looking unsure of making this confession then?<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, it is. But we didn’t make much progress yet. We wanted to combine our efforts.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven wasn’t really following. “And your Pearls couldn’t be there because...?”<br/>
</p><p>“Because of our power,” Pink said, eyes not leaving Steven. When Steven was quiet, waiting for the gem to continue, he did, “The Diamonds have a way of… affecting gems. We didn’t want our Pearls to be damaged or… changed.”<br/>
</p><p>“Changed?” Steven repeated. He didn’t expect to hear that, but then again, he didn’t know much about the Diamond powers, did he?<br/>
</p><p>“Yes,” Pink nodded. “When a Diamond creates a new gem, they exert a certain kind of… energy, you might say. We shape gems, we put a program in place, and all that comes with something you could call a… glow of a sort.” Pink’s eyes started shining brighter then. Steven forced himself not to flinch. The gem’s gaze had become distant, as if he was gazing at something that was so far away, so out of reach for Steven that…<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, I got the gist of it,” Steven rushed to say, voice a little too high. He didn’t think he wanted to know more about the ancient power of the Diamonds. Pink blinked, returning to the present.<br/>
</p><p>“So basically the high and mighty Diamonds now need their Pearls like air. Well, bad metaphor, but still,” Steven went on, eager to end this particular line of conversation.<br/>
</p><p>“Basically, yes,” Pink nodded.<br/>
</p><p>Steven remembered about Pearl who was waiting for him on Earth and winced. He tried to look as if he wasn’t thinking about the way Pearl was shouting at him. Nope, he wasn’t thinking about it, he was <em>over it</em>.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven?” Pink said at the same moment.<br/>
</p><p>“I got into a fight with Pearl,” Steven blurted, not sure how that sentence even left his mouth. He didn’t want to talk about it with Pink. Now that his brain betrayed him though, it seemed like Steven had to choice.<br/>
</p><p>“What happened?” his gem asked, frowning.<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed, then rubbed at his face with his hand. Now, how to explain it better? Steven didn’t want Pink to feel more animosity towards Pearl, but he didn’t want to lie about what happened either. He just had to soften it up a little…<br/>
</p><p>“She’s against our, uh, well, basically she wants us to fuse,” he finished clumsily, fiddling with his hands, not looking at Pink. He knew talking about their fusion would upset Pink, that was also why he would have rather left this topic of conversation untouched.<br/>
</p><p>Pink put his hand on Steven’s intertwined ones. Steven winced slightly, but he didn’t look up at the gem, staring at their joined hands instead.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you remember the time when Yellow and Blue wanted us to fuse?” Pink started quietly. Steven nodded. That wasn’t easy to forget. “Well, they weren’t right in any way. They weren’t taking what <em>we</em> want into account. You and me are the only ones who can decide over the question of our fusion. Such a choice is only ours to make,” the gem went on, voice firm. He gave Steven’s hands a gentle squeeze. “So Pearl is wrong too,” he finished.<br/>
</p><p>Of course, he was right. But why then did it hurt so much? Why did Steven feel so guilty? Why couldn’t he let this situation go, no matter how hard he tried?<br/>
</p><p>They were silent for what felt like a minute. Pink was stroking Steven’s hands with his own, a gentle, slow movement.<br/>
</p><p>Finally, Steven looked up at his gem and asked, “Would <em>you</em> want to?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink must have realized immediately what Steven meant. His face was a mix of caution and uncertainty.<br/>
</p><p>“To fuse with you?” Pink asked anyway, and Steven nodded, not looking away. Now Pink’s face was an emotionless mask, but Steven knew feelings were hidden from him behind it. Pink had closed himself to Steven, and Steven had no idea what the gem was thinking or feeling. Why did he think it would be different? He shouldn’t have asked anything.<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed, then freed one of his hands from under Pink’s and reached for his face. Pink flinched away sharply, eyes wide. Steven lowered his hand.<br/>
</p><p>“You’re scared,” he said, the realization sharp, immediate. Pink was silent, unmoving, but the fear shone clear in his eyes now. Steven wanted to cry. “You know I would never hurt you, don’t you, Pink?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink blinked slowly. Then nodded, a slow, cautious movement.<br/>
</p><p>“And I would never…” Steven swallowed a lump that formed in his throat from the very thought and went on, “I would never force you to fuse with me if that’s not what you want. The first… time was just an accident.”<br/>
</p><p>“It felt like disappearing,” Pink said very quietly, and Steven let out an immediate, “What?”<br/>
</p><p>“It felt like disappearing,” Pink repeated, voice dull, face expressionless.<br/>
</p><p>“When we fused?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh.” Steven felt tears gather in his eyes. He blinked furiously, trying to chase them away. He didn’t succeed much. “I didn’t… I didn’t know.”<br/>
</p><p>He hurt Pink. Unknowingly and unintentionally, but he did. Steven was sure that their fusion was something that would make them both happy and full in the end. That would make them one again. But he forgot about one thing. Their fusion with Pink wasn’t like any other fusion Steven had ever been a part of. Stevonnie knew that they were a fusion of Steven and Connie. It wasn’t at the forefront of their mind, but it was an unshakable knowledge somewhere in the back of their thought process anyway. And it worked the same way with everyone else who Steven had fused with before. Steven formed something new and beautiful with each of them, but he still knew who he was.<br/>
</p><p>With his own gem though… Steven was fused with his gem all his life, and <em>that</em> felt completely different. Thorough his life Steven was… he was Steven. Not a fusion of Steven and Pink Diamond’s gem. Just Steven, an unbroken, whole personality. <em><strong>One</strong></em> personality. Pink’s consciousness must have been in a dormant state, – or maybe it was something else, he didn’t know, he was, after all, the only human in the Universe who was fused with a gem in such a way.<br/>
</p><p>At least until four years ago, when they were ripped apart. If they had fused back then, maybe things would have been different. But with everything that happened to both of them, what exactly <em>happened</em> to Pink when him and Steven fused? Pink told him just now. He started disappearing. The gem must have started going back to his dormant state. What would have happened to Pink and his personality if they had stayed fused longer? If they tried fusion again? Would Pink disappear altogether then? The prospect horrified him. Steven started crying. Pink was quick to squeeze him in a warm, reassuring embrace.<br/>
</p><p>“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Pink said, his voice low, subdued. Steven hugged him back tightly and said, “I didn’t… I didn’t think, I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink was silent for a moment and then told him, voice firm, not hesitating, “None of what happened was your fault, Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>“I hurt you, and I shouted at you back then,” Steven went on, hiccupping lightly, unable to get himself together, to calm down.<br/>
</p><p>“You didn’t know,” Pink countered. Steven pulled back then, wiping at his eyes. Feelings were constricting his chest, locking up his throat, but he had to tell him.<br/>
</p><p>“That doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you. And I’m sorry, Pink,” he said. Pink blinked, and then his expression softened. He touched Steven’s cheek softly, wiping away at his tears.<br/>
</p><p>“Of course I forgive you, Steven,” he smiled, and Steven felt relief wash over him.<br/>
</p><p>They were sitting in an embrace for some time then, until Steven managed to calm down. Feeling Steven stop with the tears, Pink pulled back to look at him.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you need… the bathroom? Or maybe some fruits?”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not hungry, but the bathroom is a good idea,” Steven answered and got up.<br/>
</p><p>He paid a short visit to the bathroom, noting that nothing had changed since the last time he was in here. Then he came back to the platform and sat back down next to Pink. There was a question on his mind that he just had to let out, now that the more important things were dealt with.<br/>
</p><p>“What were you talking about with Connie back then? Or is it still a secret?” he asked. He was so curious about that, and couldn’t help but guess what was it they were talking about back then. Not that he’d had any luck with his guesswork.<br/>
</p><p>Pink sighed, and Steven sent him an amused look. “Since when do you bother with breathing like that?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink shrugged his shoulders, “I like it.” Then he sent Steven a wary look and continued, “Are you… sure you want me to tell you?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven chewed on his lip for a moment. Then he said, “I don’t want to force you to tell me. But I’m worried. I can’t stop thinking about what is it that you can’t tell me, but you can share with Connie. It’s just… It feels…” he trailed off then, unsure how to explain what he was feeling.<br/>
</p><p>“We were talking about you,” Pink said then. Steven looked at him, surprised. It was quite an obvious answer, but he was expecting something more… shocking.<br/>
</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you want to tell me about it if it has to do with me?” Steven asked. Pink averted his gaze. He looked… embarrassed? That was new. Steven was even more intrigued now.<br/>
</p><p>“I asked her… to look after you,” Pink admitted finally. Steven blinked. That was it? He just wanted to tell Connie to keep an eye on Steven?<br/>
</p><p>“That’s it?” he asked, and Pink nodded. Steven went on, “But… if that was all you wanted to say, why would you start the conversation by telling her that she’s special then? And why the secrecy?”<br/>
</p><p>“She <em>is</em> special,” Pink emphasized. “That is why I chose her. She understands.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven, in all honesty, understood very little at the moment.<br/>
</p><p>“Understands what?” he asked. Pink’s stare turned open, loving and tender then. Steven blushed hard. He forgot how expressive Pink could be with his gaze alone.<br/>
</p><p>“She understands <em>you</em>. She sees you better than anyone from,” then he cringed, “the Crystal gems. She cares.”<br/>
</p><p>“The Crystal gems care about me too! They’re my family,” Steven protested immediately.<br/>
</p><p>“No, I don’t mean it like that,” Pink shook his head. “She prioritizes you. Like me. She would never hurt you. She would never be like Pearl.”<br/>
</p><p>They sat in silence while Steven was mulling this over. He thought he understood what Pink was talking about now. Connie always supported him. He could trust her with his life and he loved her so much. She never accused him of things, never made him feel like his opinion didn’t matter. But… how did Pink know all that?<br/>
</p><p>“And you saw all that in less than a <em>day?</em>” Steven asked, his disbelief shining through.<br/>
</p><p>“I do have eyes, you know. I was <em>watching</em>,” Pink answered. Steven laughed. Pink was cute when he was pouty.<br/>
</p><p>“What’s so funny?” he grumbled, and Steven laughed harder. God, he was so relieved that he finally learnt the truth about his gem’s talk with Connie. He was so happy that it turned out to be another conversation about him. No secret confessions, no big plans made together, without him.<br/>
</p><p>Pink started smiling as well after a couple of moments. He looked relieved now. “You’re not angry,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>“Why would I be angry?” Steven asked, still giggling a little.<br/>
</p><p>“I talked to Connie privately because I didn’t want you to feel that I was… restricting your life again, even on Earth. I thought… you would be upset that I was, yet again, trying to control you…”<br/>
</p><p>“Pink,” Steven interrupted, laying a hand on the gem’s shoulder. “I’m not upset, okay? I like spending time with Connie, so it’s okay if you consider her my knight, cause honestly she is, in a way. I’m okay with that.”<br/>
</p><p>“She does possess an excellent skill in wielding a sword,” Pink said, as if letting Steven in on a piece of knowledge not available to him earlier. Steven smiled.<br/>
</p><p>“I know, you’re very observant, Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>“I asked her,” Pink explained.<br/>
</p><p>“And I also know that you decided to talk to Connie because you care about me,” Steven added and then moved closer so that their knees were touching. Steven put his hands on Pink’s forearms. Pink’s gaze softened. “Of course I do. You’re the most important to me. I love you,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>“I love you too, Pink,” Steven answered, smiling. “And I would really like to kiss you, preferably now.”<br/>
</p><p>Instead of answering, Pink moved closer, bringing their lips together. Steven opened his mouth immediately, deepening the kiss. He forgot how nice it felt to kiss his gem. Steven moved even closer, he wanted to be as close as he could get. Pink was squeezing him in his embrace, and it was almost painful, almost too much – but, at the same time, exactly what Steven needed. Steven moaned softly into their kiss, and Pink gave a moan back without pulling away. God, Steven just <em>adored</em> his gem, plain and simple.<br/>
</p><p>After some moments, Steven made himself pull away. Pink looked at him, as if looking for guidance, eager and timid all at once. Steven smiled and moved his hands to Pink’s shoulders, pressing lightly. Pink took the hint and lowered himself on the pillows, spreading his legs for Steven to sit in between. Steven moved closer again, closing the gap between their bodies, bringing their chests together. Then Steven kissed him. They were kissing for some time, and Steven felt himself getting helplessly, shamefully turned on. Very turned on. Pink pressed his hand to Steven’s shoulder, making him pull away, then sneaked his hand down to squeeze Steven’s hard cock. Steven let out a drawn-out moan.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink,” he sighed softly. “What are you doing?”<br/>
</p><p>“Do you want me to stop?” Pink asked, narrowing his eyes, preparing to draw his hand back if Steven so much as gave a hesitating look.<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t stop,” Steven gasped, and Pink tightened his grip on Steven’s cock. It was too much and not enough, the friction couldn’t be exactly what Steven needed through the jeans, and it made him desperate for more. Steven was thinking about very shameful and lewd, but also very enticing things. Maybe he could suggest to Pink… But what if Pink said no? What if he was disgusted? Steven’s thoughts were a mess, flying in every direction, Pink was so close, he was so warm and sexy, and Steven just <em>had</em> to ask. He <em>needed</em> him, needed him close, as close as they could get.<br/>
</p><p>“I want to… try to do… something together with you, but only… Only if you’d like to,” Steven said with effort. Pink looked at him attentively, not drawing his hand away, squeezing Steven’s cock through the fabric of his jeans. That almost made Steven forget about anything else that was on his mind. He was so damn horny, and Pink wasn’t helping.<br/>
</p><p>“If I’d like to what, Steven?”<br/>
</p><p>God, why was it so difficult to <em>just say it?</em> How was Steven planning on actually being close with Pink if he couldn’t even talk about sex without burning with embarrassment? He had to <em>get over himself already</em>.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you want to have sex with me?” Steven said very, very fast, his voice high, his gaze trained to Pink. Pink looked surprised for a moment. Then, slowly, he looked down at where his own hand was and the outline of Steven’s hard cock. Then he looked Steven in the eye again, wearing an anticipating, hungry sort of look now. Which was super fucking hot, especially with the way he was laid out under Steven, eager and pliant.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes,” Pink answered. “If it’s what you want too.”<br/>
</p><p>“It is,” Steven nodded, then added more quietly, “It has been for a while.”<br/>
</p><p>Hearing that, Pink put his hand on Steven’s t-shirt, right where the star was printed, and tugged at the fabric sharply. He used just enough force to make Steven fall into his embrace. Pink kissed him immediately, and it was deep, and needy, and shamelessly sensual. It felt amazing. But they had to pull away from each other eventually to deal with their clothes. Pink didn’t even have to move for his clothes to disappear off his form, which was just unfair. Steven felt his heart beating in his throat as he fumbled first with his own t-shirt, and then with his jeans and underwear.<br/>
</p><p>His body didn’t exactly meet society’s standards of beauty and he was always a little self-conscious of himself, even though he tried to accept and love his body the way it was. Pink was just laying there, watching, not rushing, giving Steven full control. But he was also naked, and so Steven avoided looking at him for the moment, afraid that it would make him more nervous than he already was.<br/>
</p><p>When he himself was naked at last, Steven looked at his gem, unwilling to let his embarrassment show. Pink spread his legs wider, getting a full view of Steven who was standing on his knees right before him. Steven had never been that open and vulnerable with anyone before, not even with Connie. It was nerve-wracking. It was hot. It was exhilarating and a little terrifying as well.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Pink said finally, looking entranced.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah?” Steven mumbled, feeling his hands shake a little. He was purposefully not looking between Pink’s spread legs, even though some part of him desperately wanted to.<br/>
</p><p>“I really want to have sex with you,” Pink said, words drawn out, echoing almost like a sweet, pleading song. Steven exhaled, feeling relief wash over him. Pink still wanted him.<br/>
</p><p>“Are you sure? You know you can say no whenever,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded, “I’m sure. Are you?”<br/>
</p><p>“Yes,” Steven nodded, feeling more confident now, when he saw Pink’s open desire. He moved closer and rested his hands on Pink’s knees, feeling the light shiver that passed through Pink’s body at his touch. Slowly, very slowly he smoothed one of his hands to caress Pink’s inner thigh, the skin thin and soft and so warm under his touch. Then his hand shied away, coming to rest on Pink’s hip. He kept looking Pink in the face. Steven was so, so inexperienced and it showed. He only knew what he had the nerve to look up on the Internet beforehand. Pink was nervous himself, judging by the expression on his face.<br/>
</p><p>Finally, he gathered his courage and looked down. He saw Pink’s vagina only once, and back then it was a fleeting glimpse. Seeing the smooth, flush skin made a shiver of pleasure run through his body, down his spine. He was so fucking hard.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Pink called, and Steven looked him in the face. He didn’t know what expression his own face wore, but Pink wore a desperate, craving look that really suited him in Steven’s opinion. “I want you to touch me,” Pink continued quietly.<br/>
</p><p>Okay, he will just… go slow. Steven moved his right hand from Pink’s hip to touch his vagina. Pink screwed his eyes shut and moaned melodiously. Steven’s face was burning, but he had no intention of stopping. He tried to touch the clitoris gently (that’s what he thought it was anyway), and Pink’s moan ended in a desperate, high-pitched whine. That was definitely a positive reaction. He did it again and earned another longing, beautiful sound. Steven was unsure for a moment, but then he remembered how he pressed his fingers inside Pink, back when the thought of having sex with the gem first crossed his mind. Putting aside his embarrassment for later, Steven tried to get one of his fingers inside, and it slid into Pink easily. He was warm and silky smooth and <em>perfect</em> inside.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink,” Steven breathed out, looking the gem in the face, seeing an expression of intense pleasure. Feeling him stop, Pink opened his eyes and looked back at Steven with such burning hunger that Steven felt a shudder of pleasure run through him.<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t stop, why did you stop?” Pink moaned. His legs were trembling and it seemed like he was trying hard not to buckle his hips up to meet Steven’s touch. Steven kept going, still unsure, and Pink gasped, shutting his eyes. He looked open and ready and craving for Steven’s touch.<br/>
</p><p>He’s mine, Steven thought with a sense of tentative awe. Yes, he was. And Pink was letting him do all these things. Pink was letting Steven pleasure him. It was completely alluring.<br/>
</p><p>Steven tried to get the second finger inside, and it moved perfectly into place. He tried adding another one.<br/>
</p><p>“You are so wet that they fit easily,” Steven said without thinking, amazed. His cock twitched, needing attention. The sight before him was just… too much. At that moment, Pink propped himself up on one hand and then squeezed Steven’s right arm with another. Steven stilled immediately. He slid his fingers carefully out of Pink’s body and met the gem’s gaze after that.<br/>
</p><p>“Should we st—”<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Pink interrupted. He looked very serious. “I don’t want your fingers. I want your cock,” he finished with a sense of finality.<br/>
</p><p>Steven felt his face heat up. “But I read that you need—”<br/>
Pink cut him off again, “I read a whole manual on how to have human sex. And I know exactly what I need. I need you to put your cock inside me.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven opened his mouth and then closed it. Why was it so turning on to hear Pink speak like this? He was assertive and straightforward, like usual, and it was so very sexy.<br/>
</p><p>“But only if you want that too,” Pink finished firmly.<br/>
</p><p>“I do,” Steven rushed to say. Then, seeing the smug look on Pink’s face, he blushed in embarrassment.<br/>
</p><p>“So I’m not the only one who is desperate,” Pink concluded and then laid back down, getting comfortable. “Go ahead, then.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven blinked, then put him hands on Pink’s knees again. “How should we, um… Which pose do you think is… better?” he squeaked, trying to sound confident and failing miserably.<br/>
</p><p>Pink smiled softly. “Come here,” he said, and Steven obeyed, moving forward, getting on top of Pink so that they were face to face. Pink spread his legs wide to accommodate him, his body was burning up, and it felt <em>amazing</em>. Steven pressed closer, moaning quietly.<br/>
</p><p>“Now I’ll help you,” Pink murmured, sneaking his hand down and grabbing Steven’s hard cock. Steven let out another moan, loud this time, because having Pink touch him felt like heaven. Pink guided him carefully, and when he was aligned, Steven pressed forward. He slid into Pink easily, like his fingers did before, and both of them stilled for a moment, panting, trying to get used to the sensations. Steven’s cock was enveloped in warmth, and he wanted to move <em>so badly</em>, it felt like everything else disappeared, leaving only his gem, his Pink, panting and helpless under him.<br/>
</p><p>“You okay?” he asked, and Pink nodded.<br/>
</p><p>“Move, Steven,” he whined, and Steven did. Pink was tight, and wet, and perfect, so perfect. Steven couldn’t help but gasp, “God, you feel amazing, this is just… Ahhh…”<br/>
</p><p>Pink’s long, quivering moan was his only reply. Steven set up a fast pace, snapping his hips forward sharply, burying himself deep with every move. Pink was letting out an endless string of singing, gentle sounds that weaved together, leaving Steven wanting more, <em>more</em>, just a little… He felt himself getting close already and slowed down. Pink’s song turned disappointed.<br/>
</p><p>“Faster,” he said, drawing the word out, turning his head for a kiss. Steven pulled back a little. Pink was breathing hard and his eyes were shining a fluorescent pink that almost hurt Steven’s eyes. He was so very warm, almost too warm to the touch.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m just…” Steven panted, stilling his movements completely, feeling embarrassed again.<br/>
</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Pink asked immediately.<br/>
</p><p>“No, everything is amazing, like, too amazing, I’m, uh…” Steven looked away. He was so close to coming that his cock was pulsating. He barely lasted a minute, didn’t he? Pink was going to be so disappointed.<br/>
</p><p>He felt a light touch of Pink’s fingertips on his cheek and met his gaze.<br/>
</p><p>“You can tell me anything,” Pink said softly, lovingly, cupping Steven’s cheek with his hand. Steven felt his heart melt, his embarrassment fading away somewhat.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m just… I’m close to, you know, coming,” he said finally. Pink’s face lit up unexpectedly. He looked excited. And turned on.<br/>
</p><p>“I want you to come,” Pink said, tone eager. He tightened his legs, making Steven’s cock go deeper inside him again. Steven gasped. “Steven, come inside me, <em>please</em>.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven stared at him for a moment, letting the words sink in. He was pretty sure it was the first time his gem had used the word ‘please’ in a conversation with him, and the way he said it was… Wow, just…<br/>
</p><p>“Okay,” Steven said quietly, pressing closer again. He started to move in Pink’s tight heat, and it felt like everything he had ever wanted. The pace he set was fast, and rough, and desperate. He moaned, and Pink did too, in his breathtaking, singing, warbling way. That was what sent him over the edge. Steven came with a low moan and eyes screwed shut. The pleasure was so intense that for some moments he lost his every thought, floating somewhere on the outskirts of the conscious mind. Then he came back to himself. He was panting, and sweaty, and still inside Pink, who was panting underneath him.<br/>
</p><p>Steven pressed up, looking at the gem. There was an expression of pure bliss on his face. Steven never thought Pink could look so pleased.<br/>
</p><p>“Are you… okay?” he asked, pulling out carefully.<br/>
</p><p>“That was…” Pink waved his hand in a noncommittal gesture. Steven sat up, lifting his eyebrows. Pink closed his eyes then, relaxing fully and not granting Steven with an actual answer.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you need clothes to, um, wipe yourself with or something?” Steven asked, getting up. Pink only hummed in response. Alright, Steven got it, he will leave him alone. Pink didn’t look upset. In fact, he looked the furthest from upset that Steven had ever seen him, so he wasn’t too worried. Steven himself needed a shower, right now.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you want to take a shower?” Steven decided to ask, and Pink cracked one eye open to peer curiously at him.<br/>
</p><p>“What?”<br/>
</p><p>“It will help with all the, uh, you know,” Steven made a vague gesture, first in Pink’s direction, then in his own. “It’s basically just water.”<br/>
</p><p>God, they just had sex and Steven couldn’t say the word ‘come’. Why was he such a blushing virgin? No, not a virgin anymore.<br/>
</p><p>Pink contemplated Steven’s offer for a moment, and then got to his feet. He moved with slow, lazy grace and Steven found himself staring.<br/>
</p><p>“Alright, show me your… shower,” Pink said, and Steven happily obliged.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Pink wasn’t too happy with the shower, but they cleaned themselves up successfully and returned to the pillows afterwards. They talked about some light-hearted, unimportant things, then just sat together quietly. Then there was a chime at the door, and they heard Volleyball’s voice, “Is my Diamond ready to continue with his work?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink sighed. Steven found it hard to get used to him breathing like that, he didn’t really know why.<br/>
</p><p>“I have to go now,” Pink said in a sour tone.<br/>
</p><p>Steven looked at him and smiled, “But we’ll meet again. When you’re not too busy.”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m never too busy for you,” Pink said, looking at Steven with an adoring expression on his face.<br/>
</p><p>“Should I stall things a little longer, my Diamond?” Volleyball piped in.<br/>
</p><p>Pink rolled his eyes. “I’ll be with you in a moment, Volleyball.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven giggled. It seemed like Pink wasn’t as tense or irritated around Volleyball anymore. That was good. Pink turned his attention back to Steven and said, “Come back any time, Steven. I’ll be waiting for you.”<br/>
</p><p>“I will,” Steven said. Then leaned closer and kissed Pink’s soft lips, knowing that it will be a while until he could do it again.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>On their way back Steven had to bear with teasing jokes and knowing smirks from Amethyst, but he didn’t mind much, calm and content after his meeting with Pink. When they landed on the beach, Pearl and Garnet were waiting for them. Steven and Amethyst got out of the ship and headed towards them. Garnet wore a guarded look, and Pearl looked unsure. All the pleasant thoughts that Steven had about meeting Pink and their recent activity disappeared at once. He felt apprehension instead and a vague sense of irritation. He really didn’t want to have another fight.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, guys,” Steven said awkwardly, when they got close enough.<br/>
</p><p>“What’s up?” Amethyst said, crossing her arms over her chest. She felt something build up too then.<br/>
</p><p>Pearl and Garnet looked at each other.<br/>
</p><p>“Um, how was your trip?” Pearl smiled nervously.<br/>
</p><p>“Good,” Steven shrugged. He remembered then how Pink looked with Steven’s cock buried deep inside him, and hastily looked away, his face feeling warm, his thoughts scattered. He really, really didn’t want to talk. When he looked back at her, Pearl seemed ready to say something so Steven quickly said, “Actually, I’m quite tired from all the… travelling and stuff. I think I want to just lay down for a while?”<br/>
</p><p>Pearl shared a look with Garnet. “Yes, of course, if that’s what you want,” she said, looking at him again.<br/>
</p><p>Steven headed towards the house, and his family followed. Garnet walked beside him.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, are you… okay? Do you want to talk about something?” she asked, reaching a hand towards him. He shied away from her touch, didn’t even know why he did it.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m alright, Garnet. Totally fine,” he said, wishing she would stop interrogating him.<br/>
</p><p>“Pearl wanted to talk to you,” Garnet added.<br/>
</p><p>“Pearl has every opportunity to do so,” he answered, tone biting, knowing very well that she was walking close behind and could hear his every word.<br/>
</p><p>“We just…” Garnet started, and Steven cut her off, “I know, Garnet, you’re all worried. Please don’t be.” He trudged up the stairs, then looked back at his family. Of course he found all three of them wearing worried expressions. For God’s sake.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m alright,” Steven told them firmly, and then headed into the house, eager to close the door of his room behind himself and be alone.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>When Steven left, Pink sat unmoving on the pillows for some time. He was supposed to attend yet another meeting, but he needed a little time to gather his bearings.<br/>
</p><p>He couldn’t stop thinking about Steven’s naked body that was so close to his own, his touch, his moans. His cock.<br/>
</p><p>They had human sex, and it was something quite extraordinary, in Pink’s opinion. He had quickly developed a taste for certain human activities, but sex was the best out of all of them so far. Pink had no idea that Steven wanted to have sex with him. Pink had no idea that having Steven’s cock in his vagina would feel as marvelous as it did. And Pink didn’t have an inkling before that feeling Steven’s come inside himself would be such an incredible experience. Now he was reliving these sensations and getting aroused again.<br/>
</p><p>No, now wasn’t the time. He had work to do. Pink got up, feeling determined. He will deal with the meeting and then he will come back to his chamber and pleasure himself, thinking about their sex. After all, Pink never came during the activity like Steven did.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>“Why are you running late, Pink?” White asked, tapping her nails on the armrest of her chair impatiently. Pink and her were supposed to be talking about a particular colony that could be difficult to convert to a free reign.<br/>
</p><p>“I was busy with Steven,” Pink answered, gently floating up to stand on the armrest, the most convenient place for talking. White’s face did a complicated series of expressions. Pink still didn’t know what she thought about Steven. He never talked to her about him. There were so many other things to discuss at all times.<br/>
</p><p>The real reason was, of course, that Pink felt anxious about discussing his human with White, who tore them apart and threatened Steven indirectly on several occasions. And the more Pink waited, the more it seemed like talking about Steven with her was a bad idea. Despite that, Pink still wanted to know if White’s opinion changed in any way. Maybe he could stop stalling and do the same thing that he did with Blue. The only way to know for sure was to ask White directly.<br/>
</p><p>“What do you think about him now?” he asked White in a steady voice, craning his neck to look up at her. Even when he was standing on her armrest, she was so tall that he couldn’t easily talk to her.<br/>
</p><p>White thought for a couple of moments. “Do you mean… Steven?” she asked then, and he nodded. She didn’t press for them to start talking about the colony in an attempt to change the topic. As far as Pink knew, it was a good sign.<br/>
</p><p>“I don’t know, Pink, what can I think?” she said at last, then brought one of her hands to rub at her temple. “It’s… <em>He’s</em> an organic who was… a part of you. He changed you completely in such a short amount of time that I couldn’t keep up. It’s simply unprecedented. You were never this rebellious before you had this… Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, I was <em>always</em> rebellious,” Pink scoffed. She looked momentarily surprised. “I just never had anything to be rebellious about. It was you who taught me that the Diamonds should be unyielding, remember?”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, I guess I did,” she smiled. Pink felt his gem warm up a little. During the time that he spent without his memories, trying to learn how to be a Diamond, he saw White from time to time. They talked more back when she was trying to teach him, even if White was quite self-absorbed during the process. Pink didn’t want to admit that he missed that. Just talking. No shouting, no arguing. It didn’t mean that he forgave her for what she did to him and Steven, but… they used to be close. They used to enjoy each other’s company, as much as both of them could.<br/>
</p><p>“You were very insistent on propriety too, though I never worried too much about that,” Pink said, remembering her incessant chatter about ‘setting an example for all of Homeworld.’ White loved talking about that. Back then Pink thought it was dull and boring. Now it was just a memory.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, yes. Stars, it took your Pearl forever to teach you how to greet high-ranking gems properly!” White laughed unexpectedly, a warm, happy sound.<br/>
</p><p>Pink smiled too. “Is that a good thing?”<br/>
</p><p>“It’s a nice memory,” White confessed. Then added unexpectedly, “I missed you, Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>He tensed instantly, narrowing his eyes. “And what exactly do you mean by that?”<br/>
</p><p>White’s face fell. She looked away. Heavy silence settled over them. Did she still think that Pink was not himself? It hurt to think that she still hadn’t accepted him as he was. That she was still trying to find traces of the old Diamond in him. It wasn’t fair. Hadn’t he proven himself enough?<br/>
</p><p>Finally, White spoke. “I understand that you are… someone new, Pink. I…” she paused. “I think I started to realize that right after I…” she fell silent, but Pink knew exactly what she meant.<br/>
</p><p>“Right after you removed all of my memories,” Pink said, tone biting. She could go through with such a thing, but couldn’t say it out loud? What a hypocrite she was. But White was always like that, wasn’t she? Pink regretted starting this conversation. He started to feel anger rising up inside, and that was when she said, “At the time, I thought it would be the best course of action. I was sure that the organic – Steven, that he did something to you. That I had to change you back. But I was wrong.”<br/>
</p><p>He looked up at her again. She looked at him with sadness in her eyes.<br/>
</p><p>“It was all your fault,” Pink said, clenching his fists. The anger was a bitter presence inside him, licking uncomfortably at his gem. “Everything. You being sad doesn’t change the fact that you <em>removed my personality completely</em>, that you erased <em><strong>everything</strong></em>, only to build me up again upon realizing your mistake. And I have to live now with the knowledge of how deeply damaged I was from the very beginning of my existence. That I started out broken, and only Steven helped me bring all the pieces together. And all of it is <em>your fault.</em>”<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, stars, you are right, Pink, it is,” White answered, her voice trembling slightly, her face scrunched up in a miserable grimace.<br/>
</p><p>“<em>You hurt me</em>,” Pink hissed through his teeth, trying to fit all his bitterness and pain into this simple phrase. He felt better saying this, admitting this. It was as if an ugly secret had been uncovered, and it hurt, but it was better with it out in the open, not festering inside Pink like it was all this time.<br/>
</p><p>White looked ready to cry. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and began to fall.<br/>
</p><p>“I know, oh Pink, I didn’t mean to!” she wailed unexpectedly and covered her face with her hands, crying loudly. “I thought I was helping you, I really did!”<br/>
</p><p>Pink blinked, looking at her huge, shaking form. Then he sighed, his anger dissipated somewhat. Of course she did. She was regretting it now. Well, there was only one way he could proceed from here, wasn’t there?<br/>
</p><p>“I think someone needs to be taught how to apologize,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>She paused in her sobs to look at him. “What?” she asked, voice thick with tears.<br/>
</p><p>Pink remembered how Steven explained the concept of apologizing to him. The thought of him made Pink feel warm, and the hurt bitterness that was gripping his gem moved away. Steven did so much for him, taught him so many things. Pink knew so much now, and he could use this knowledge to teach others.<br/>
</p><p>“One can apologize if they hurt another or wronged them in any way,” Pink explained. White was listening attentively. “Then one can say ‘I am sorry’ to indicate their remorse for their actions. Steven taught me,” Pink finished, looking at her. There were still tears glistening on her pristine cheeks. The sight was disconcerting to him.<br/>
</p><p>“Alright. I am sorry, Pink. For what I did,” she said, then looked at him questioningly. Pink nodded. Her admitting that she had wrong him in this way made him feel somewhat better. He wasn’t ready to forgive her yet, but that was normal. She hurt him deeply. She hurt Steven deeply too.<br/>
</p><p>After White was done with the apology, they started discussing the initial reason for their meeting, the colony. Then they talked about a list of reforms that White was unsure about. All of that lasted well over half a cycle, but Pink knew it would, it always did with her. For all her punctuality, the meetings with White Diamond always lasted longer than she initially indicated.<br/>
</p><p>After all of her questions were answered, Pink sat down on her armrest, getting comfortable. They worked quietly side by side for a while, each with their panel full of documents having to do with different aspects of their gems’ new way of life. Pink didn’t tell White about the meeting with Yellow and Blue, neither did he mention his growing concern about the expanse of Homeworld army and what was to be done with it now. He didn’t want to show any weakness before White, didn’t want to admit to her that in this case, he was at a loss for what to do. He spent such a long time trying to prove to her that he was a ruler in his own right, and she trusted him. No, Pink will figure it out by himself, or at least he will try.<br/>
</p><p>There was another thought that was nagging at him though, one that he could share. Pink closed his panel and looked up at White. She paused in her work to look back.<br/>
</p><p>“What were you planning to do if you had taken my colony under your control, like you planned?” he asked. She looked surprised. Then she waved her panel away, and Pink watched the graceful movement of her hand, the glitter of her black nails.<br/>
</p><p>“Why are you asking now?” she asked, and Pink returned his gaze to her face. He shrugged his shoulders. He wanted to know what her plan was, that was all. He knew she had one, and he was curious what it entailed.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, I was planning to turn that whole planet into a… less aggressive, less organized version of the Human zoo,” White said carefully, putting her chin on her hand.<br/>
</p><p>Pink raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t expecting that.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, what? Did you think I would blow that planet to bits? No matter how much I would have liked that, it wasn’t a viable plan. It wouldn’t have helped to calm you down.”<br/>
</p><p>“And making a zoo out of the planet would?” Pink asked incredulously.<br/>
</p><p>“The planet would have been under the Diamonds’ rule then, one way or another. I didn’t plan on… disrupting the life of organics there, but we would have watched over them, an unnoticed presence. All that life wouldn’t have a clue that Homeworld was there! We would have had things under control then. And maybe you would have agreed to return your own org– I mean, Steven, back to his natural habitat.” The more she talked, the more he understood what exactly White wanted from Earth. The more he didn’t like it. But it made sense. A controlled zoo of a planet. With how much Steven wanted to go back, Pink would have probably let him go. And if White’s plan succeeded, the planet would be official gem territory, which meant Pink could come and visit as much as he wanted, without it seeming strange.<br/>
</p><p>“You would be allowed to visit him as much as you would like and retain all of your privileges as a ruler,” White continued, as if aware of his thoughts. Pink felt uneasy. It could have worked. With Steven within his reach, but still far away, without their constant contact… Could Pink have changed like he did if Steven was back on Earth, on his home-turned-to-zoo? Would Pink want to change Homeworld then, with everything under his control? Pink didn’t know. He didn’t want to think or talk about it more.<br/>
</p><p>“Wouldn’t it be easier to take me under your control instead?” Pink snapped with more heat than he intended. It was a fear that he had before. Yellow and Blue also feared that if were they to step out of line, White would be quick to deal with them in such a way.<br/>
</p><p>She was silent for some moments. There was an unusual expression on her face, a mix of sadness, hurt and regret. He kept glaring at her, unblinking.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, Pink. I don’t think I could ever do that to you. Not after what happened,” she said, her voice full of unknown emotion. Pink was taken aback.<br/>
</p><p>“Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to do your bidding?” he asked. There was a deep, painful ache inside him, and his gem felt too warm, too tender.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, back then I did, but…” she paused. “Not like this, never like this. I want you to be you.”<br/>
</p><p>She stretched her hand towards him to touch his arm gently. One of her fingers was longer than Pink’s whole arm. He still found the difference jarring.<br/>
</p><p>White looked at him with a tender expression. He rarely saw this look on her face.<br/>
</p><p>“Even if you’re not her, you are still my Pink Diamond. My creation. My littlest one,” she said and then smiled.<br/>
</p><p>There was a pang of some deep, raw feeling inside him. It felt warm but somehow painful, a bizarre combination. His gem was pulsating in deep, long waves. Pink felt his eyes burning. He definitely didn’t intend to cry in front of her.<br/>
</p><p>“I… I should go now. There is a lot to be done,” he said in a strained, tense voice. She pulled her hand back immediately.<br/>
</p><p>“Of course. You can schedule another meeting with me whenever you have the time.”<br/>
</p><p>He nodded and then floated down to the floor.<br/>
</p><p>Pink really needed some alone time before he got to work again. And some of Steven’s love and light-hearted humor that he could get with the help of his panel.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The ones in power</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m a little late with this chapter, it’s another big one, hope you enjoy:3 Also starting from this chapter you may want to be warned that Steven will be experiencing clear symptoms of PTSD, anxiety and just a general sense of gloominess. If there will be something more, I will specify that in the notes to future chapters.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Steven’s visit to Homeworld everything went back to its usual routine. Steven met up with Connie, the Cool Kids and the Off Colors from time to time, he visited his dad, Sadie visited Beach City sometime too, and they met up and talked, mostly about her and her life. Sadie moved to Empire City, she liked it there much more and felt at ease with the busy, rushing city life.<br/>
</p><p>But with everything going as well as it was, Steven still felt anxiety gnawing at him every day. It was usually not strong enough to interfere with his day to day life, but it was a constant presence somewhere in the back of his mind. He started having nightmares again. About being locked up in Pink’s room, alone, without any hope of escape, about the Crystal gems screaming for help as they were poofed by someone – or <em>shattered</em>, while Steven could do nothing, weak, and human, and useless. Sometimes he dreamt about fusing back with his gem so there was no more Pink, just Steven, alone, and he woke up with his heart racing, tears ready to spring from his eyes. Steven dreamt about the corrupted gems and Jasper’s mutilated form, dreamt about not being able to heal them all, about them being mad at him and attacking him. But the worst were the nightmares about White. They were almost his constant, and they felt so very real, like every piece of emotion that Steven experienced back then was revived somehow. When he woke up from those dreams, he felt like shit, no other way to put it.<br/>
</p><p>He never told anyone about his dreams, not even Pink.<br/>
</p><p>The situation at home was… well, still not perfect. Steven felt like he couldn’t open up to his family about everything that had happened to him on Homeworld, even though it seemed like they were waiting for him to breach the topic. But he started talking to Pearl more, begrudgingly, still feeling like she was disappointed in him and his choices, even if she wasn’t saying it to his face. They hadn’t once talked about Steven’s relationship with Pink. Avoiding this subject made their other conversations stilted and artificial. Whenever Garnet tried to talk to Steven about it, he avoided the conversation by any means necessary. He felt guilty for it, but then again, if he was honest, it wasn’t Garnet’s business. This was between him and Pearl, and whatever wisdom Garnet wanted to bestow upon him, it wouldn’t have changed the situation.<br/>
</p><p>Lapis and Peridot weren’t much better. Peridot still didn’t trust Pink one bit, and she didn’t hesitate to make her position known. Lapis shared her opinion, and Bismuth mostly stayed silent, frowning pensively, whenever Peridot went on one of her rants.<br/>
</p><p>It was nice to hang out with Lars, but he worked a lot and, well, had his own life. At least the Off Colors were glad to have Steven back without the need to talk about his gem. Steven liked hanging out with them more and more lately. They were fun, they didn’t judge him or pried him for information he didn’t want to share.<br/>
</p><p>He was yet to talk to Connie about what happened between him and Pink last time they saw each other. Whenever he thought about it, he got so flustered and shamefully turned on, and it felt impossible to start talking then. In the end, Connie got tired of Steven trying to evade the topic and decided to take the situation in her own hands.<br/>
</p><p>“So, you visited Pink like three weeks ago,” she said one evening, without any preamble. They were sitting in Steven’s room, playing some fighting game on the console. Once the words left her mouth, Steven felt his face get warm. He kept his gaze stubbornly on the game, though not much was happening on the screen at the moment.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, feigning nonchalance. “Why?”<br/>
</p><p>She sighed in a way that betrayed her frustration. “You’ve been evading this conversation and you know it. I mean, we don’t have to talk about it if you really don’t want to, it just feels like something… happened between you two,” she finished, sounding unsure and a little embarrassed. Steven put away his control stick and looked at her then.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m… I want to talk about it,” he tried to sound confident, even though he felt anything but. “You’re the only one I can talk to about… all this. I just… don’t know how.”<br/>
</p><p>She smiled, looking relieved. “It’s not that hard, you know. I’ll ask and you’ll answer, that’s pretty much how it works. So what did you and Pink do?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven blushed furiously, and she smirked.<br/>
</p><p>“We, uh… we had sex,” he said in a very high voice. Now Connie got red in the face too.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh,” was all she said.<br/>
</p><p>At that moment, a thought crossed his mind.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not… I wasn’t unfaithful to you when I…”<br/>
</p><p>He never really thought about it this way, he loved Pink and he loved Connie, it felt natural. It felt good. But he had no idea what Connie thought about their… situation. Last time they talked, it was Steven pouring his heart out. Connie never really spoke her mind about the prospect of Steven having sex with his gem. Maybe it wasn’t normal of him to do such a private thing with someone that wasn’t her? But she supported him in this decision, right? But what if she—<br/>
</p><p>“No, Steven, everything is fine,” she reassured him. “I know that you two have a… special relationship, so to speak.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven let out a sigh of relief, the anxious flow of his thoughts subsiding a little. She wasn’t angry with him. They were silent for a while then. Steven, still feeling nervous, was unable to breach the silence.<br/>
</p><p>“So how was it?” Connie asked then, fiddling with her hands.<br/>
</p><p>“It was… amazing,” Steven said, his voice falling almost to a whisper.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh. That’s great. I’m happy for you,” she said, but she looked upset and a little embarrassed still. Steven thought that well, she had a right to be upset. He shared something very private, his first experience, and it wasn’t with her.<br/>
</p><p>“You know if you want to, we could try…” Steven trailed off, wishing he could have phrased it differently. He was looking anywhere but at Connie, who was sitting so close, in her shorts and her shirt, looking as beautiful as always. He had no idea if she even wanted…<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, well, yeah, maybe sometime… later,” she finished awkwardly. Steven felt better knowing that this topic was as difficult for her as it was for him. He felt relieved too knowing that Connie still wanted to be close with him, that she wasn’t disgusted or angry. He leaned closer and pecked her quickly on the lips. She smiled when he pulled back, a soft expression on her face. She didn’t look upset anymore. Steven was scared that this conversation would change things between them, but in the end, it didn’t. Things were the same. Things were okay.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Time slowly melted into one huge, dragging, indescribable thing, and Steven found himself less and less eager to get out of bed every morning. He kept worrying about one thing or another. He thought about the corrupted gems a lot. He knew he had to be patient. He knew Pink and the other Diamonds will be coming to Earth sooner or later to fix things. But these gems were his responsibility too. Steven wanted to help them now, not wait an indefinite amount of time for Pink and the others to finally show up.<br/>
</p><p>Steven knew he wasn’t being fair, that the work the Diamonds were doing on Homeworld was important, but he couldn’t help the way he was feeling. He almost resented the four of them sometimes, even Pink. Maybe it was because they were doing something, while Steven was stuck with having to figure things out by himself. It was difficult for him to adjust to life on Earth. Steven wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now that the huge task of changing Homeworld wasn’t his responsibility anymore, like it was for so long. Sure, he met with other people and gems, and that was awesome! He missed them so much and he was happy he could catch up on all the lost time now. His family kept crowding his space, relieved that he was back and okay. Both the Crystal gems and his dad tried to stay close to him, as if making sure that Steven wouldn’t be snatched away on yet another cosmic adventure with no way of getting back home. Even Pearl tried to be soft and not let her feelings about Steven’s gem show.<br/>
</p><p>Steven tried not to get tired of their near constant company, though that was easier said than done. Steven wasn’t alone much, but when he was, he didn’t feel much better. When he was laying in bed, preparing for sleep, or when he was making breakfast in the silence of the house, he felt almost… sad. Sad and tired. Which was weird, because he wasn’t doing much to be tired, and things were going too well for him to be sad. Well, except for the corrupted gems. Maybe it was them. Maybe once they were all healed, Steven could enjoy his nice, peaceful life.<br/>
</p><p>It was another one of those days when Steven woke up very early without any certain reason. He yawned and stretched. Sleeping in his bed was so much better than the pillows in Pink’s room. Steven sat up in bed, looking blearily around the room, and then froze.<br/>
</p><p>Right outside on his balcony Pink stood, leaning on the railing. The gem watched Steven open and close his mouth a few times with a smile on his face. Steven was out of bed in a flash. Pink was supposed to be busy! That’s why they haven’t seen each other for more than a month now. Steven didn’t want to distract him from his work, hoping he would be finished sooner that way. Pink showing up here unannounced… Did that mean something happened? Steven opened the glass door and walked up to his gem hurriedly.<br/>
</p><p>“What happened?” was the first thing that came out of his mouth.<br/>
</p><p>“Hello, Steven,” Pink smiled serenely. Steven relaxed a little. Pink wouldn’t be smiling like that if something bad had happened. But why then was he here?<br/>
</p><p>“I wanted to take you somewhere,” the gem continued.<br/>
</p><p>Steven’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Take me where?”<br/>
</p><p>“You’ll see,” Pink answered calmly. Then extended his hand to Steven. Steven frowned harder.<br/>
</p><p>“What are you not telling me?”<br/>
</p><p>“Just trust me.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven accepted his hand then and let Pink lead him back to his room.<br/>
</p><p>“Get dressed.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven did, feeling uneasy. What was Pink doing, coming to Earth all of a sudden, without even sending a message? Where was he planning to take Steven? And why was he being so cryptic?<br/>
</p><p>They went down the stairs and headed straight for the warp pad. The house was silent, no one was around and that was strange. At least Amethyst would usually hang out in the kitchen during the early morning hours, ready to cheer Steven up.<br/>
</p><p>“Where are we going?” Steven asked again. They were just a couple of steps away from the warp pad.<br/>
</p><p>“You’ll see,” Pink said. Steven sent him a seeking look. Pink looked back steadily. His face was unreadable.<br/>
</p><p>“Where is everyone?” Steven asked, his palms getting sweaty.<br/>
</p><p>“Already there, waiting for us.”<br/>
</p><p>“Waiting <em>where?</em>” Anxiety crept up on him slowly, inevitably. Pink stepped on the warp pad and turned to him. Steven stayed where he was.<br/>
</p><p>“Waiting where, Pink?”<br/>
</p><p>His gem sighed. “I’m not good at this. Maybe Connie should have sent someone else.”<br/>
</p><p>“Connie?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded. Hearing her name calmed Steven a little. Connie asked Pink to come and take Steven somewhere? Everything was fine then, right? No one was taking him away, Pink and Connie just wanted to show him something. He looked at Pink for a couple of seconds, and then stepped on the warp pad. Whatever it was, Steven will be ready for it. And he trusted Pink, right?<br/>
</p><p>They warped. Steven squinted at the bright light from the already risen sun. He looked around. They were… near mom’s fountain?<br/>
</p><p>“What are we do—”<br/>
</p><p>At that moment, Pink swept him off his feet and they moved forward on such a high speed that the landscape around them became a blur of colors. Steven felt nausea lurch in his stomach, but before he could even open his mouth, they stopped and Pink was putting him down. Steven swayed on his feet a little, trying to understand what was happening, and then a roar of voices shouted, “Surprise!”<br/>
</p><p>Steven staggered back, and Pink held onto his arm, supporting him.<br/>
</p><p>There were <em>so many</em> gems at mom’s fountain. So many bubbled gems floated in the air, all the Crystal Gems were there too, the Off Colors stood to the side, and the three Diamonds were gazing down at them from their spots in the fountain. They were actually sitting in the fountain, the rulers of Homeworld. Steven wanted to laugh, he was surprised, and relieved, and excited, and did all of this mean… Connie seemed to appear out of nowhere, tackling him with a fierce hug.<br/>
</p><p>“Happy Birthday, Steven!” she shouted right in his ear as he hugged her back, bewildered. Same cries were heard from the Crystal gems and the Off Colors.<br/>
</p><p>Then he remembered that today was, in fact, his birthday, which Steven planned on… not celebrating? And it was exactly what he told his family a week or so ago. And was getting the Diamonds to come to Earth to heal everyone their surprise for him?<br/>
</p><p>“You guys,” Steven said, close to tears. Connie pulled back, and now it was the Crystal Gems’ turn to hug him.<br/>
</p><p>“Is it really happening?” he asked Garnet, and she nodded, smiling at him. When everyone got their respective hugs, Steven turned to Pink, who was still standing close. Steven smiled brightly, and Pink smiled back. He looked much more relaxed now that he got Steven where he was supposed to be.<br/>
</p><p>“Shall we?” Pink asked, extending his hand to Steven once again, and Steven clasped onto it immediately. They walked to the fountain where the other Diamonds were sitting. Corrupted gems floated above the surface of the water, their bubbles reflecting the sunlight, shimmering softly, as if waiting. Steven felt suddenly nervous again. He looked up, meeting White Diamond’s gaze, and quickly averted his eyes.<br/>
</p><p>Him and Pink got into the water. Pink waved his hand, a soft beckoning motion, and one of the bubbles came down to graze the surface of the water.<br/>
</p><p>The bubble popped instantly, and the gem sank into the fountain. Steven held back a gasp when it started to reform. Now they will see if the joined power of the Diamonds will work on healing it. Everyone was silent, waiting intently.<br/>
</p><p>A moment later, a gem was standing in front of all their waiting gazes. It was a Cherry Quartz. She didn’t look like she was corrupted anymore, except for some discoloration on her body and the horns on her head. Steven tried not to raise his hopes yet. Pink said it was impossible to know what the lasting effects of corruption will be. There was a bewildered, uncomprehending look on the Cherry Quartz’s face, as if she had been wakened from a dream that lasted years.<br/>
</p><p>“What… happened?” Cherry Quartz said quietly. Then she noticed the Diamonds and turned to them immediately, arms folding in a salute.<br/>
</p><p>“My Diamonds!” she exclaimed, clearly overwhelmed. “Cherry Quartz Facet-7Q3M Cut-2GX, reporting.”<br/>
</p><p>The Diamonds all looked just as overwhelmed as she did. Her form looked stable, there were no distortions, and she was coherent. That was amazing news!<br/>
</p><p>“It worked!” Steven exclaimed, and Cherry Quartz started, turning around to face him and Pink. Her eyes were dark and attentive, sharp. Pink took a step forward, shielding Steven with his form.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh come on, Pink, it’s not—”<br/>
</p><p>“Welcome back, Cherry Quartz. Everything will be explained to you shortly,” Pink interrupted, tone clipped. “For now, report your status. You were in stasis for a very long time.”<br/>
</p><p>Cherry Quartz was looking at Pink with a shocked expression.<br/>
</p><p>“My… Diamond?” she said hesitantly after a long, tense pause. Pink nodded. He was standing as tall and unwavering as ever. She seemed to only have eyes for him, not noticing how many gems were around her, watching her.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, Cherry Quartz.” Pink’s voice didn’t falter for a second. Cherry Quartz looked a little less tense then. She seemed to recover from the initial shock of seeing a supposedly shattered Diamond who looked nothing like what she remembered. She saluted Pink and said, “The gem condition statistics read as normal, no anomalies detected. Physical form is optimal. Weapon is undamaged.”<br/>
</p><p>“What about your memory? Is it intact?” Pink asked. Cherry Quartz looked surprised at that.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, my Diamond.”<br/>
</p><p>“What is the last thing that you remember?”<br/>
</p><p>She was silent for a moment, looking around for the first time, noticing all the bubbled gems around her. She looked unsure then, small despite her big, imposing form, and scared, and alone. Steven felt the urge to come over to her and tell her that everything was going to be okay now, but he had to let Pink finish with his check-up first.<br/>
</p><p>“My last memory,” Cherry Quartz started hesitantly, “is my commander ordering us all to return to the ships, but… we didn’t make it, there was a bright light in the sky, blinding, expanding so fast, and we didn’t have time, I was running…” she sounded lost and wondering.<br/>
</p><p>Steven felt anger building up inside him. How could the Diamond have done such a horrible thing to their gems? It was incredibly cruel, but their initial plan of shattering every gem on the Earth’s surface was even more horrifying. Yes, they thought that they lost Pink because of the rebellion, but doing <em>this</em>…<br/>
</p><p>He looked at the three Diamonds sitting in the fountain. Yellow looked astonished and was leaning forward slightly, catching the healed gem’s every word. Blue sat with a puzzled expression on her face, and White… White was looking at Pink with an expression that bordered on pride. She didn’t spare a glance for Cherry Quartz, who got hurt because of her and who was standing now healed before her. Of course. Steven sighed. The least all three of them could do now was try to help all the gems that they had hurt so terribly.<br/>
</p><p>Pink asked Cherry Quartz some more questions while Steven was distracted with his thoughts and now seemed to be finished. He turned to the other three Diamonds.<br/>
</p><p>“She seems to be completely stable. No physical damage, except some minor changes in her form, no mental damage to be seen as well. No memories retained from the time spent under corruption, as you can see. She’s confused, but that’s understandable. Nothing a briefing can’t fix.”<br/>
</p><p>“Does that mean we can release the others?” Steven asked before anyone could get a word in. White looked displeased. Steven winced. Pink turned to him as if interrupting an important Diamond talk was the most natural thing to do.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, Steven, we can,” he said, smiling again.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s awesome!” Steven cried out, and several similar cries were heard from the direction of the Crystal Gems.<br/>
</p><p>“Just not at the same time. It’s easier to talk to them in batches.” He demonstrated, bringing some twenty bubbles down to the surface of the water. They all popped and started reforming immediately. Everyone around them got busy right away, explaining what happened to the newly formed healed gems.<br/>
</p><p>Steven was filled with pure joy, seeing more and more gems being released. They were okay. They were themselves. Finally, they were healed. He got busy himself then, helping the nearest Quartz out.<br/>
</p><p>At some point Steven went to stand a little away from where all the commotion and talk was happening. He leaned his back on the wall close to the stairs at the entrance to the fountain. Then he looked over the scene before him, happy tears forming in the corners of his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. He wiped them away, sniffling a little. Everything was so… great and perfect, and he was so happy.<br/>
</p><p>Connie finished talking to a Citrine and looked around, noticing Steven. She smiled, walked to where he was standing and put a hand on his shoulder.<br/>
</p><p>“You okay?” she asked, and Steven nodded, wiping at his eyes some more.<br/>
</p><p>“This… this is just… I’m so happy, Connie!”<br/>
</p><p>She gave him a bright smile. “They are all finally healed and free to be themselves,” she said. “It was so important for all of us, but I saw how important it was for you. Pink and the others were planning on coming like a month later, but I convinced them to make some adjustments,” she said, winking.<br/>
</p><p>“You organized all this?” Steven asked, bewildered.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, not all of it of course. Everyone took part in making this happen. But I came up with the idea,” she finished, looking suddenly sheepish. “I hope it was appropriate to make this kind of event a present for your birthday, I wasn’t exactly—”<br/>
</p><p>“Connie, this is amazing!” Steven exclaimed and hugged her tightly. She laughed, and he did too. When he pulled back, Connie looked at him with eyes sparkling, a huge smile on her face. She looked stunningly beautiful.<br/>
</p><p>“Can I kiss you?” Steven asked before he could become embarrassed about it and change his mind. She blushed and nodded. Her lips were nice and soft. Steven felt all warm kissing her, thinking about how much he loved her, how lucky he was to have her. They parted after some time, both of them flustered and smiling. Steven turned so they were standing side by side, shoulders touching in a comfortable manner. He looked around then, noticing Pink who was instructing a small Aquamarine. She was looking back at him with an awed, attentive look on her face.<br/>
</p><p>“I got worried when Pink showed up on my balcony, being all cryptic and stuff.” Steven said without thinking. He regretted his words immediately, because Connie looked concerned at once.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”<br/>
</p><p>“No, no, it’s fine!” Steven reassured her, putting on his best smile. “I just thought maybe something happened and I need to save the Universe again.” He laughed, and she smiled back, still looking worried. Steven looked at Pink again. He seemed to be done with Aquamarine, and his eyes found Steven immediately. Steven blushed. He missed Pink, missed the intensity of his gaze. Pink started to make his way over to where they were standing.<br/>
</p><p>“I’ll go now, give you two some privacy,” Connie said and headed back to the fountain before Steven could say anything.<br/>
</p><p>When Pink came close he gave Steven a pleased, happy smile. “How are you, Steven?” he asked.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m amazing! All of this is amazing, Pink!” Steven exclaimed, gesturing with his hands.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m glad,” the gem said, moving to stand next to Steven and putting his hand on Steven’s arm, squeezing gently. Steven felt a rush of warmth from their point of contact. He missed Pink’s touch so much.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry that I made you worried earlier. Everyone said to keep you out of the loop for as long as possible and I thought—”<br/>
</p><p>“It’s okay, I’m fine now,” Steven answered. “How is it going with the gems?”<br/>
</p><p>“Very good,” Pink said, looking relieved. “Their physical and mental state exceed my expectations. It’s unbelievable that the effect of corruption can be removed so completely. All the gems seem to be stable and in good condition. Every one of them!”<br/>
</p><p>“Thank God,” Steven breathed out, his shoulders relaxing. Pink smiled at him and added, “You did good, Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven blushed, Pink’s praise made him feel warm and accomplished. Yes. He was doing good. Steven helped them, all of them. From now on, everything will be going well with him.<br/>
</p><p>A thought crossed his mind, and he looked at his gem again.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s a great surprise. But how did you pull it off? How did Connie reach you guys? None of the ships were missing and—”<br/>
</p><p>“She used your panel to reach me. Once I granted the access, it was easy for us to communicate.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven felt embarrassed instantly. Connie could be very sneaky when she needed to be, but did that mean…<br/>
</p><p>“So she saw our conversations?”<br/>
</p><p>Not that there was something there he wouldn’t trust Connie with, but well, there was a lot of whining and silliness in his conversations with Pink. She probably thought now that Steven was a love-struck fool. Not that he wasn’t. It was just… he’d rather she didn’t have a glaring proof of that in form of their conversations with Pink.<br/>
</p><p>“No, she didn’t. The panel opened a new chat for her since she was a new user,” Pink explained.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, that’s good,” Steven said, relieved.<br/>
</p><p>“You don’t want her to know how much you have missed me?” Pink smirked, raising an eyebrow. For all his serious Diamond act, Pink sure liked to be smug and tease Steven at every given opportunity.<br/>
</p><p>“And what about her knowing how much <em>you</em> have missed <em>me?</em>” Steven teased back, and Pink laughed unexpectedly. Steven forgot what he wanted to say, watching him.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s true, I did miss you a lot, Steven,” Pink said, bringing his other hand to Steven’s cheek. He traced the skin with his fingertips.<br/>
</p><p>“I missed you too, Pink,” Steven said quietly, caught off-guard by how bright his gem’s eyes were shining, how happy he looked.<br/>
</p><p>“I would really like to kiss you now,” Pink informed him, leaning closer. Their noses were almost touching.<br/>
</p><p>“Everyone’s looking,” Steven started, but then he thought, didn’t everyone already know? He didn’t exactly keep his relationship status a secret. He could give Pink a quick kiss, even if everyone was there. He did it with Connie, and it wasn’t weird. And anyway, everyone was busy helping out the gems, no one was looking their way. But what would Pearl think? Did Steven even care now? She will never approve, no matter what he did.<br/>
</p><p>Pink was waiting patiently while Steven thought, neither moving closer nor pulling away, tracing gentle circles on Steven’s cheek with his thumb.<br/>
</p><p>“Alright,” Steven said firmly then, looking at him. Then both of them moved forward simultaneously, bringing their lips together in a soft kiss. It felt different from his kiss with Connie, but just as good. Then Pink tried to push his tongue in Steven’s mouth and no, Steven was definitely <em>not</em> doing that in front of his family. He pulled back quickly, ending their kiss, and opened his eyes. Pink did too, licking his lips. He looked so hot.<br/>
</p><p>Steven blushed furiously at the thought and moved away, breaking their embrace, getting some distance between himself and his gem. Then he finally looked around, noticing how quiet it had gotten. Everyone was either staring or pointedly not staring, even the Diamonds. Steven wished he could turn invisible for a minute or two. God, it was so embarrassing. Of course him and Pink kissing was a big deal to everyone, Steven didn’t know why he thought otherwise. Well, there was nothing he could do now, but try and alleviate the tension with some joke or…<br/>
</p><p>“We have just a handful of gems left,” White said suddenly, and everyone’s attention snapped to her immediately. “We left the Jasper too, like you asked, Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>The Jasper? Steven looked to where she was gesturing and saw a small pointed gem floating among several other bubbles. Oh, of course. That Jasper. Pink was planning on releasing her, right? Maybe he was worried because Jasper’s corruption wasn’t a result of the Diamonds’ attack. Jasper corrupted herself, didn’t she? Steven felt a pang in his chest. He couldn’t help her back then. But he could try to help her now. He hoped she would be healed and fine, just like the rest of the previously corrupted gems.<br/>
</p><p>Pink walked closer to the fountain, then floated up, landing gently in the water. He gestured with his hand, and Jasper’s bubble floated down, popping in the water, leaving the gem to sink and reform. Steven watched as Jasper reformed with baited breath. Finally, she did, standing tall in the fountain, as if no corruption happened to her at all. Her form was different now though, with green horns sticking out of her unruly hair and two splotches of green, one on her shoulder, the other on her hand. She blinked, disoriented for a moment, and then her gaze fixed on Pink who was standing just a few steps away, facing her. The blank look on her face faded in an instant, and her eyebrows drew up. Steven tensed, waiting for her reaction.<br/>
</p><p>“What is this?” Jasper said, a smirk appearing on her lips. Oh no, this was bad. Jasper wasn’t planning on riling Pink up, right? God, <em>of course she was</em>. What should Steven do? Will Pink be able to handle this? What is he gets angry?<br/>
</p><p>“Jasper,” Pink said, a clear warning in his tone.<br/>
</p><p>“Why do you look like this? Who are you trying to fool now, <em>Rose?</em>”<br/>
</p><p>“Not Rose,” Pink said instantly. Jasper started to laugh then, loud and aggressive. It didn’t seem like she noticed a crowd of gems around her at all, her focus solely on Pink. She looked almost like she was having fun, in a twisted sort of way. A sense of apprehension filled Steven. He still didn’t know if he should intervene. What if he makes it worse? What if Pink had it all under control? Jasper wasn’t easy to deal with, but Pink wouldn’t hurt her, right? He would make her see, just like with the other gems, right?<br/>
</p><p>“Well, who are you supposed to be now?” she asked between bouts of laughter.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink Diamond,” Pink answered calmly. Jasper stopped laughing abruptly. She stood up taller then, narrowed his eyes. Pink didn’t move an inch. Everyone around them was watching silently, the Diamonds and the other gems. Jasper still didn’t seem to notice them, zeroed in on Pink as she was.<br/>
</p><p>“Are you <em>serious?</em>” she spat, derision written all over her face.<br/>
</p><p>Pink’s form started glowing brighter then, the water in the fountain bubbling slightly as the gem’s form became hot to the touch. Definitely time for intervention.<br/>
</p><p>“Jasper, stop it,” Steven said, stepping closer to the fountain. Her sharp gaze fixed on him instantly. She cringed, but she looked surprised as well.<br/>
</p><p>“There are <em>two</em> of you now? As if one wasn’t enough,” she scoffed, but before Steven could say anything else, a new voice rose up, one that made Steven flinch.<br/>
</p><p>“Jasper,” White said, and Jasper almost jumped out of her skin, turning around to find the three other Diamonds right behind her. Her arms snapped into a salute at once.<br/>
</p><p>“My Diamonds!” she barked with no small amount of bewilderment and awe.<br/>
</p><p>“You will address your Diamond with the respect s— he deserves,” White said, tone authoritative.<br/>
</p><p>“My… Diamond?” Jasper trailed off, sounding completely thrown off.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, Pink is your Diamond if I am correct?” White went on, gesturing with her huge hand. Jasper turned halfway to look at Pink again. Steven stood closer now and could see that Pink looked pissed.<br/>
</p><p>“This… is Pink Diamond?” Jasper said again, looking at White for an explanation.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, well, Pink is…” White frowned, looking unsure. She looked at Pink, and Pink craned his neck to look up at her, still frowning. Steven had no idea if White knew how to explain to Jasper what exactly happened to Pink. “Pink is someone new. But naturally he is still a Diamond,” she finished, and Steven let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. That was as good an explanation as White could give. She even used the right pronouns. White seemed to be learning, and that was encouraging.<br/>
</p><p>Jasper still looked shell-shocked. She turned to Pink. “You…”<br/>
</p><p>“Choose your words carefully now, Jasper,” Pink answered sharply. Jasper sent him a wondering, almost seeking look that quickly turned to stifled rage and then morphed into grim understanding. Steven read all of her emotions clearly, Jasper was always very expressive with her face. She was still for a couple of moments, and everyone around them was still and quiet too.<br/>
</p><p>“I… I cannot bow for you,” she said at last, looking torn and almost miserable. Steven wanted to reassure her, to say that they changed all that and she doesn’t have to bow for anyone, but Pink started talking first.<br/>
</p><p>“She is confused after the corruption. Go and stay with the rest of the healed gems, Jasper,” he said. Steven looked at him, surprised. Jasper didn’t look confused. Did Pink expect her to bow for him and recognize him as the new Pink Diamond after just a couple of words and no detailed explanation? When she spent all this time stubbornly trying to get revenge for her “true Diamond” being “shattered”? Steven frowned, but didn’t get a chance to ask anything, because Pink moved further away, gesturing with his hand so that the remaining bubbled gems came down to the surface of the water, popping, the gems inside starting to reform.<br/>
</p><p>Steven looked at Jasper, who was standing without moving a muscle, watching Pink. Then she turned her gaze to Steven, narrowing her eyes. Steven took a step back without any conscious thought. He remembered how her helmet collided with his head, how he passed out from the blooming, blinding pain of the hit. Jasper was still for a moment more, watching him intently. Then she turned, lowering her gaze, not looking at anyone while she headed for the neat rows of newly healed gems that were standing close to the fountain.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>After they were done with the gems at the fountain, Steven, the Crystal Gems and the Diamonds warped to the old warship to help Centi and the other Nephrites. When Centi was finally fully healed, Steven felt close to tears again. He wanted to give her a hug, but she looked lost and unsure, shocked by the presence of all four Diamonds and fixed on them, so he decided to approach her later. Once all the healed gems were safely put on ships for a “briefing” on Homeworld, as Pink called it, everyone, meaning Steven and his family as well as Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth, went back to the house. White, Yellow and Blue returned to their ships, but Pink joined them in the house.<br/>
</p><p>“I am here to answer any questions you might have. Then I will join the others and we will leave,” Pink stated once everyone settled comfortably in the living room. God, Steven wished his gem could stay a little longer, but well, he was a ruler and had important things on his schedule. Steven will just have to deal. He wanted to ask Pink what exactly the briefing for the healed gems was, but Pearl started talking first.<br/>
</p><p>“Why do all these gems need to be taken to Homeworld?” she asked, her voice cold, her posture stiff.<br/>
</p><p>“Because they have been in stasis for thousands of years,” Pink answered. His voice and his face betrayed none of his feelings, but Steven knew he tensed the moment Pearl started speaking. He prayed for this conversation not to end in a fight.<br/>
</p><p>“Because they do not have a slightest idea how much has changed during this time,” Pink went on. Pearl opened her mouth like she wanted to object, but Pink wasn’t finished yet. “And also because they need to learn how to operate ships and make use of all the new technological advances on Homeworld. I advise all of you to take a course.”<br/>
</p><p>The Crystal Gems all looked affronted, except for Amethyst.<br/>
</p><p>“That would be cool,” she said, and Pearl fixed her with a displeased stare, crossing her arms on her chest.<br/>
</p><p>“What?” Amethyst shrugged her shoulders. “Would be nice to know how to pilot a Homeworld ship by myself.”<br/>
</p><p>“I know how to pilot a Homeworld ship,” Pearl bit out. She looked ready for a serious argument.<br/>
</p><p>“So, what will happen after this briefing?” Steven asked in a voice that was a little too loud. Everyone looked at him.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, we don’t exactly know yet,” Pink answered. “What we have planned so far is to get these gems all the information they need, and then see what they themselves think. Some of them will join different groups that have already been formed and—”<br/>
</p><p>“What groups?” Pearl interrupted. Pink fixed her with a stare.<br/>
</p><p>“Would you like a list?” he said in a clipped tone, and she frowned, standing taller, as if trying to seem more imposing. She didn’t tear her eyes away from Pink and he was glaring back. Steven thought that this was the moment where everything will dissolve into angry shouting.<br/>
</p><p>“So they won’t come back to Earth? Even the ones that took part in the Rebellion?” Garnet asked in that moment, and the tension broke a little. Pink looked at her.<br/>
</p><p>“We were actually thinking about setting up a… school? On Earth.”<br/>
</p><p>That was something none of them expected to hear, judging by how surprised everyone looked. “We”? Who did Pink mean by that?<br/>
</p><p>“How do you know what a school is?” Steven asked, as puzzled as everyone else.<br/>
</p><p>“We talked about it with Connie. She suggested Earth to be the perfect place for the gems to learn how to change and choose for themselves. And that all of you could help with setting everything up,” he finished in the same moment as Steven exclaimed, “That’s a great idea!”<br/>
</p><p>Pearl continued scowling, Peridot didn’t seem convinced, but Lapis and Bismuth looked less suspicious, and Amethyst perked up as well. Garnet’s tense posture relaxed a little.<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded. “You can start with the preparations for that as soon as you decide exactly how this… school is going to operate.”<br/>
</p><p>It was funny how Pink enunciated the word “school” carefully. It was also obvious that he didn’t have a slightest clue what exactly the word meant.<br/>
</p><p>Everybody looked thoughtful at that, and a short silence settled over all of them. Then Pink looked at Steven again and said, “I would like a moment alone with you.”<br/>
</p><p>“Sure,” Steven said before anyone could protest. Judging by the expressions on Pearl’s face, she wanted to.<br/>
</p><p>They went up the stairs to Steven’s room and closed the door after themselves. Not a moment later Pink was by Steven’s side, hugging him tightly. Steven relaxed into the embrace, feeling warmth and steady energy seeping into him. He breathed out, resting his forehead in the crook of Pink’s neck. Finally, he felt right.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry I wasn’t answering your messages much. I was busy with all the preparations and—”<br/>
</p><p>“Pink, it’s okay,” Steven interrupted, rubbing slow, soothing circles into his back with one hand. Pink hummed then, relaxing as well.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m so relieved that all the gems are alright,” Pink said quietly after some moments of silence. Steven knew it was time for him to let Pink go, that his gem was needed back on Homeworld. The ship stood on the beach, imposing in its’ size, the four Diamonds’ ships combined into one. All the gems were waiting, and the Diamonds too. It was rude to draw their waiting out.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m relieved too,” Steven said instead, matching Pink’s quiet tone. Then he remembered what he wanted to ask Pink back at the fountain, but never got a chance to.<br/>
</p><p>“Why did you say that Jasper was confused, when she said she wasn’t going to bow for you?” Steven asked, pulling away to look Pink in the eye. “I thought everyone had freedom now not to bow for the Diamonds?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink’s soft gaze turned serious then.<br/>
</p><p>“The Diamonds are still the leaders of Homeworld, Steven. We are the ones in power,” he said in the same authoritative tone White used to scold Jasper. “And we’re making a lot of changes in our gems’ lives right now. It’s important that we do everything together, as a coordinated unit, and that our gems trust us. We’re changing our whole society’s structure. Do you understand how big of a task that is? For this to work, we need to have our gems’ unquestionable loyalty.”<br/>
</p><p>“Still, with the bowing…” Steven started, feeling uncomfortable.<br/>
</p><p>“No one expected her to actually bow,” Pink cut in, tone brisk. “It was the meaning behind her words that mattered, not the gesture. I had to react in a way that would be appropriate. I couldn’t let the newly healed gems, half of whom were part of the Rebellion, see Jasper’s insubordination. She did enough damage as is. Undermining our authority now is a clear way to start another rebellion.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven... didn’t really think about it in this way before. Well, he guessed Pink was right. He understood Homeworld gems better than Steven did, and he was right, the Diamonds were in the process of changing almost every possible thing about Homeworld. Steven still felt bad for Jasper though.<br/>
</p><p>“I hope she will be alright,” Steven said, and Pink cringed. “What?” Steven went on. “Jasper is... not easy to deal with, but she’s not bad!”<br/>
</p><p>“She hurt you,” Pink muttered, and the dark expression on his face almost made Steven flinch.<br/>
</p><p>“You... wouldn’t hurt her, right, Pink?” he asked, suddenly unsure. Pink’s expression cleared a little and he shook his head.<br/>
</p><p>“She’s of no harm anymore.”<br/>
</p><p>A weird, high-pitched chime came from outside then, making Steven jump. Pink just looked irritated.<br/>
</p><p>“Was that... your ship?” Steven guessed, and Pink nodded. He let his hands fall reluctantly from where they were settled on Steven’s waist.<br/>
</p><p>“I have to go now,” his gem said, and Steven nodded. Pink kissed him one last time, lips warm and pliant, then pulled away and started towards the balcony. Steven looked at him with a strange longing sensation wedged somewhere deep inside of him.<br/>
</p><p>“I will visit you again, as soon as I’m able,” Pink said, giving Steven a smile, and then he was out of the room, leaving Steven alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Jasper</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really wanted to post this chapter and the next one together because I feel like they are closely connected, so the editing took some time. But now I can finally post both of them:3 Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Building a school for aliens who spent thousands of years corrupted and in stasis with the purpose of dismantling their harmful concepts and behaviors was no easy feat. First and foremost, there was the construction process itself, which, according to Bismuth, will be influenced by technologies and methods from Earth and Homeworld both. Among other important things, they needed some study plans, because none of the Crystal gems really knew what they were going to be teaching their newly acquired students. Sure, old friends and battle comrades will be among them, but so will other gems, the ones who fought for Homeworld. The Crystal gems now faced a challenge of changing thoughts and ideas ingrained in these gems since the moment they were made. That was neither the easiest thing to do, nor did it have a small scope of work. But everyone was filled with determination and so they got to work, taking one step at a time.<br/>
</p><p>The Off Colors were a huge help along the way. With them living first on Homeworld for a considerable amount of time and being Earth’s residents now, they had a lot of advice to offer on how to organize the school’s curriculum and activities, what to look for and what to avoid when dealing with Homeworld gems. Peridot and Lapis helped too, of course, but Steven tried not to be around them too much. He wasn’t keen getting into another fight because they still weren’t trusting Pink, who proved himself in every way possible to be trustworthy. So he stayed away.<br/>
</p><p>Surprisingly, Steven’s dad ended up being involved in the school project as well. Mostly it was by helping with all the necessary paperwork and buying the materials and tools that could be used in the construction process.<br/>
</p><p>Steven hoped that working on building the school would help to bring their family closer and resolve some conflicts, but that didn’t happen. Any important conversations about feelings that could have happened didn’t happen. Garnet was very busy, she took on the role of a leader, making sure they acted as a unit, watching the process move along and helping whenever they encountered a difficulty. Pearl was busy as well, and they weren’t alone much with Steven, but if they were, she tried to keep up some kind of polite conversation about nothing in particular. Amethyst was the only one who Steven felt he could be genuine with, laugh and joke and be excited together about the school.<br/>
</p><p>Steven tried to maneuver being involved in setting up the school and not breaching any uncomfortable topics with the gems working alongside him. Having to stay alert and aware of his words at all times was exhausting, but he managed. Concentrating on the school-related errands also helped Steven escape his own feelings and thoughts that were bothering him more and more when he wasn’t busy. He felt weird, but he was sure it was all going to be fine in the end. He was just worried about the school, naturally. And so he would cram his emotions back and put on his best smile, like he did so many times before. Everyone was working hard after all, Steven had to keep up and be in good spirits.<br/>
</p><p>During one of such days Steven was busy with hastily escaping from the construction site just as Peridot and Pearl got there to talk to Bismuth about some thing or other. Pearl was involved both in the building process and in creating the curriculum for the school so she was around a lot, and Steven didn’t want to deal with both her and Peridot. One of them was avoiding the topic of Steven’s gem completely, while the other never shied away from it.<br/>
</p><p>After making a successful escape to the nearby shed with construction materials, Steven breathed out in relief. A thin, flat metal sheet was dominating the space of the shed. It was propped up against the wall, no doubt shipped here from Homeworld. The metal was glittering softly, changing colors ever so slowly. Steven walked up to it and leaned his back on it. This was his usual hiding place, and he went here every time he didn’t want to interact with someone. He could stay here for a little while and then slip away unnoticed so Pearl wouldn’t think that Steven left because of her.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven?” a familiar voice called, and then the door to the shed opened, revealing his dad standing in the door opening.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, h-hey, dad,” Steven greeted, trying to look casual and not like he was hiding at all.<br/>
</p><p>His dad walked in, closing the door behind himself. “I just saw you going in here and you looked… I dunno. Are you okay, Schtuball?” his dad asked, walking over and leaning on the colorful metal sheet next to Steven. The expression on his face was kind, but also concerned.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m alright, dad,” Steven sighed. His dad didn’t look convinced.<br/>
</p><p>“You know if the school’s too much, you could always—”<br/>
</p><p>“No, no, I like it!” Steven rushed to assure him. “It’s just that...” he fished for an excuse. “It feels like we have so much to do and so little time.”<br/>
</p><p>His dad nodded. “Yeah, I get it. All the rush can be nerve-wracking. When did, uh, your gem say the brand-new students were supposed to arrive?”<br/>
</p><p>“Two weeks from now. That’s when their briefing will be done anyway.”<br/>
</p><p>“And how is it... between you guys?” his dad asked, looking unsure now. Steven remembered the thick silence at home and Pearl’s fragile, fake smile.<br/>
</p><p>“You mean...”<br/>
</p><p>“I meant you and your gem,” his dad said quickly.<br/>
</p><p>Oh. He meant Pink.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s okay,” Steven said cautiously, looking down at his shoes. “Of course we miss each other, but,” he shrugged his shoulders, “can’t do much about it.”<br/>
</p><p>“And how is your, uh, relationship getting along?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven didn’t even need to look at his dad to know that he looked uncomfortable. Why would he start talking about it then, if he didn’t feel comfortable? His dad was never like this when they talked about Connie, but with Connie everything was different. Steven’s and Connie’s relationship was considered normal, but whatever was happening between him and Pink was not, at least in their eyes. Well, Steven will definitely <em>not</em> be ashamed of Pink or of their relationship. If his dad wanted to be unsettled, then so be it.<br/>
</p><p>“We’re doing alright,” Steven snapped louder than he meant to. He started frowning without meaning to. He will not back away.<br/>
</p><p>When Steven looked at his dad, he looked surprised. “Hey, Steven, it’s okay,” he said, then put his hand on Steven’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. Steven felt his shoulders relax, his frown disappearing. So his dad wasn’t about to accuse him of anything, what a relief. Steven leaned back on the metal sheet, closing his eyes for a moment, willing his irritation to dissolve. When he looked at his dad again, Steven was more composed.<br/>
</p><p>“You know, every time someone starts talking about my gem with me, it either ends with an argument or me being blamed for an array of things,” he said in a flat voice. “Or me having to prove that Pink changed, which isn’t much better.”<br/>
</p><p>The expression on dad’s face softened. “You know I’m always on your side, Schtuball. And so is everyone else.”<br/>
</p><p>Doesn’t feel like it, Steven wanted to say, but that wouldn’t be fair, would it?<br/>
</p><p>“It’s just that, well... Everyone needs time to adjust,” dad went on. “Frankly, I still don’t fully get who exactly you gem is”, he chuckled nervously. “He looks like you, but he acts very differently, and he has Rose’s gem...”<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed. He felt bad for not explaining it to his dad in a way that he could understand. Of course it wasn’t easy for him, he barely knew anything about the Diamonds or Homeworld.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink is... someone new, dad. He was a part of me before we got split up, but he’s his own person now.”<br/>
</p><p>“Because his memories got... destroyed, or something?” his dad asked uncertainly.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Steven sighed again. They were quiet for some time. Steven picked at some loose screw lying on the floor with his shoe.<br/>
</p><p>“So what exactly do you think about our… relationship?” Steven asked finally, trying to make his voice sound less strained and failing miserably. Steven didn’t really know what were his dad’s thoughts on Steven’s relationship status. They were both quiet for some moments, and Steven stared to get anxious. He couldn’t look up so he kept his gaze the ground while trying to appear unfazed.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m... honestly not sure what to think,” his dad said carefully. “I barely know who Pink is, and I’m not really sure I understand your, uh, connection either.”<br/>
</p><p>That made Steven curl in on himself. He felt shame creeping up in a blush that bloomed on his face. God, why did Steven bring it up? His dad didn’t approve, what was there more to talk about?<br/>
</p><p>“But that doesn’t mean I’m going to blame you for anything, or accuse you of anything, you know that, right?” dad rushed to add, seeing Steven’s distress. “I’m not going to tell you how to live your life and who to be with. I will never try to control you in this way, I hope you know this. But you can always talk to me and ask for advice, if you feel like you’re in way over your head.”<br/>
</p><p>That made Steven relax a little. He looked at his dad and smiled. His dad smiled back. Steven still had his dad’s support, and that was encouraging.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Not everything was made in order when the Homeworld gems, soon-to-be students, came to Earth. There were a hundred details left to discuss. It took Steven and the others three months of incessant work to get the main buildings of the school ready (it was all thanks to Bismuth, her clever planning and experience with construction work that they managed at all), to make the curriculum somewhat understandable (thanks to Garnet’s and Pearl’s constant work) and to make sure that everyone who enrolled had a place to stay in and will fit in the groups that they planned on making (that was everyone’s accomplishment).<br/>
</p><p>Both Pink and Steven were very busy during these months, but both of them still found time to send messages to each other through the panel. When things weren’t going well for either of them, their connection meant a lot, even if it was only through the panel. Pink was the only one, besides Connie, who Steven could be most honest with. He tried not to bring up any unpleasant topics though. What was the point of getting both himself and Pink upset? And so Steven talked a lot about how the school organization was going, and not that much about Pearl or the situation at home, even if Pink asked sometimes. Talking to Pink about how good of a job they were all doing (<em>Steven</em> was doing) made Steven feel good and proud. They’ve accomplished so much in such a little amount of time! He didn’t need to think or talk about some minor difficulties, not with Pink. They were both working hard now, and Steven didn’t want to force his gem to babysit him. And after all, Steven was doing well, really! Especially now that their soon-to-be students were finally arriving on Earth. So many gems enrolled to study and learn in their newly built school! This was going to be so much fun!<br/>
</p><p>Steven was almost bouncing on his heels, when the big ship carrying everyone had arrived. The shape of it reminded Steven a little of the ship that Aquamarine had, but it was bigger and colored light orange. The ship made a soft landing on the beach where Steven and the Crystal gems were standing, ready to welcome their guests.<br/>
</p><p>Volleyball was the first who appeared on the sand.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Volleyball!” Steven greeted, smiling.<br/>
</p><p>She smiled back, “Hello, Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>Then she nodded to the Crystal gems, her smile turning artificial.<br/>
</p><p>“All is ready for the arrival of the gems who wished to be learning the new ways of our Empire here on Earth,” she announced. Then she gestured with her hand, and a lot of spheres appeared on the sand, revealing a moment after the gems inside. There were a total of 137 gems standing before them now, Steven knew that for certain. More gems were enrolled, but they didn’t have the capacity or the teachers for a bigger crowd, so they were starting small.<br/>
</p><p>“Welcome!” Steven exclaimed, spreading his hands and smiling widely. Most of the gems started. Some even smiled back! This was going to be <em>amazing!</em><br/>
</p><p>“We’re so glad that you’re here to be the first students of Little Homeschool!” he continued, noticing that the Crystal gems all looked as excited as he did. “All of us worked really hard to make this happen, and we’re sure you’re gonna love it here on Earth!”<br/>
</p><p>“Splendid!” Volleyball said in a high, loud voice. “If everyone can be so kind as to follow, the Crystal gems will show us the facilities now!”<br/>
</p><p>And after that all the future students and Volleyball followed them, heading in the direction of Beach City. Steven and the others talked to the nearest gems while walking, explaining one thing or another. Some of the gems looked excited, some apprehensive or tense, many of them tried to appear as unaffected as possible, but they weren’t succeeding much.<br/>
</p><p>The residents of Beach City, though they’ve been notified of a certain group of aliens coming through the city, were definitely not prepared for such a sight. Most of them either stared at the gems passing by in such big numbers, or tried to stare without being noticed and failing. Well, the gems didn’t look uncomfortable so Steven wasn’t too worried. These gems will be living near Beach City for a while now, and they had to meet their neighbors sooner or later. They will get to the stage of friendship from there sometime, Steven was sure of that.<br/>
</p><p>At some point, Steven noticed, to his surprise, that Jasper was following their group at a little distance. Steven was immediately curious. As far as he knew, Jasper wasn’t in the enrollment list. What was she doing here? He thought she hated Earth and the Crystal gems with passion. Why would she come back?<br/>
</p><p>The warp net hadn’t reached the school yet (though they were planning on it, they just needed time), and after leaving Beach City their group had to walk quite a bit. It was actually the intention. First, Homeworld gems will have a chance of seeing some of Earth’s nature and get some explanations to how things worked here on Earth in the meantime. Walking calmly was also a chance for the gems to lose some of their tension.<br/>
</p><p>Looking at the faces of the gems around him, Steven found that they had lost some of their apprehension, which made him even more excited. These gems <em>actually wanted</em> to learn how to be more than Homeworld servants, and it was exhilarating for Steven to be part of the process.<br/>
</p><p>Finally, their big group reached Little Homeworld. That’s how they decided to name the place where the gems’ little city was situated. They expanded from where the houses of the Off Colors and the greenhouse were.<br/>
</p><p>All of the new students were to be divided into three groups, with either Garnet, Amethyst or Pearl in charge. They would be explaining how their lessons were organized while also showing the gems around, giving them a little guided tour. Steven wasn’t in charge of any certain group. Instead, they decided that he would be overseeing their progress and stepping in to help anyone who was confused or unsure. Everyone appeared to be listening intently for now, and then the process of dividing into groups started.<br/>
</p><p>Steven spared a glance in Jasper’s direction. She was standing a little way off, leaning against the wall of a two-story multicolored building that was supposed to house gems soon. Her face was set in her usual scowl, and she didn’t join any of the groups. Steven had an inkling, judging by how their last conversation went, that it wasn’t the best idea to approach her. But then again, when did he ever listen to the voice of reason?<br/>
</p><p>“I’m gonna go talk to Jasper,” he told Garnet quietly when he judged the moment right. She nodded to him briefly, still holding the attention of her group of students.<br/>
</p><p>“Will you be alright?” she asked just as quietly. “She doesn’t look pleased.”<br/>
</p><p>“I’ll be fine. Will you guys be fine dealing with everyone else?” Steven said.<br/>
</p><p>“Of course. Good luck,” Garnet wished and then went on with her explanation of the curriculum and the list of subjects that were available.<br/>
</p><p>When the three groups moved away, each guided by one of the Crystal gems, Steven slipped away, making his way purposefully over to where Jasper was standing. She cringed when she saw him approach, no surprise there.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Jasper,” Steven greeted when he walked up to her. He was a little hesitant, but he tried to appear confident. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. “Why are you not with the rest? Don’t you want to get a tour—”<br/>
</p><p>“I don’t need any tour,” she snapped, interrupting him.<br/>
</p><p>Steven lifted an eyebrow. “Then why are you here?”<br/>
</p><p>“None of your business.”<br/>
</p><p>Well, that went as well as expected.<br/>
</p><p>“I thought you hated Earth. Isn’t it weird to come back here?” he tried again.<br/>
</p><p>She crossed her arms over her chest, standing taller, her face set in a mix of determination, irritation and distaste. Steven winced a little. She won’t beat him up for asking questions, right? He never knew with Jasper. Steven looked around nervously, noticing that everyone went away, even Volleyball. The little square was empty now. His heart started beating faster. But no. He was going to be okay. He told Garnet he would deal with this. This was just Jasper. She was annoyed, but she was always annoyed, right?<br/>
</p><p>Steven looked at her again. She was eyeing him with an offended look. Now what?<br/>
</p><p>“I would never fight you now, when you’re this puny and weak,” she said in a conversational tone, and Steven relaxed a little. Yeah, he wasn’t that hard to read, was he?<br/>
</p><p>“Well, that’s... good I guess,” he chuckled, scratching at the back of his head .<br/>
</p><p>“How is being weak a good thing?” Jasper grumbled, but before Steven could open his mouth she continued, “No, don’t answer that. This conversation is pointless enough as it is. Is your misplaced sense of curiosity satisfied yet? Will you finally leave me alone?”<br/>
</p><p>She sounded like she was bored out of her mind. Steven felt suddenly angry. Here he was, trying to talk to a gem that clearly hated him, trying to help her and get to know her, and she was just... Infuriating is what she was!<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, I’ll leave you alone then, if it’s such a burden to talk to me,” Steven said in a flat voice, not letting his anger show. Jasper scoffed, but stayed silent otherwise. Steven looked at her then, and the anger bubbled over the edge of his self-control.<br/>
</p><p>“You’re just... Not even going to answer me?”<br/>
</p><p>That made her scowl again. She bent down, slowly, purposefully, so that their faces were on the same level. She was close, too close for Steven’s comfort, and her eyes were glinting. He swallowed.<br/>
</p><p>“What do you expect me to say? I told you to get lost already. Do you want to hear more? If you are so eager, then listen to this. <em>I can’t fucking stand the sight of you</em>,” she hissed with feeling, and Steven flinched away as if struck. He didn’t expect her to say such a thing. Where did she even learn curse words? And why, for God’s sake, did she hate him so much?!<br/>
</p><p>Steven heard voices then. Garnet and her group were coming back. Steven hurried back to where he was standing before he decided to go have a friendly chat with Jasper. He even managed a smile and thumbs up for Garnet, who looked happy and proud and excited. Steven felt anything but. Jasper’s words were still ringing in his ears.<br/>
</p><p>While everyone was discussing the new curriculum and making plans for the upcoming day, Steven stood aside, looking for an opportunity to go home. Everyone else knew what they were doing, but Steven felt anxious and unable to concentrate, much less explain stuff to the gem students. He didn’t know why the talk with Jasper would even upset him. He knew she hated him. Why was he still thinking about it? Why did it rattle him so much? Steven didn’t know.<br/>
</p><p>When the opportunity to walk Volleyball back to the ship presented itself, Steven felt relieved. She couldn’t stay long because Pink needed her, she explained, as they headed off in the direction of the city and the beach where the ship was.<br/>
</p><p>“How is he?” Steven asked. He talked to his gem online on a regular basis, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him in person and being by his side, helping him change Homeworld little by little. Steven felt briefly jealous of Volleyball, even though he knew the feeling wasn’t rational, nor was it fair. Pink needed all the help he could get, and Steven should he happy that Volleyball was so devoted. And anyway, Steven himself was busy with the school, he couldn’t just go to Homeworld whenever he pleased and leave everyone hanging.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, my Diamond is doing well,” Volleyball said, pulling Steven from his thoughts. “Busy as usual. Everyone wants a piece of his time,” she added with an airy laugh.<br/>
</p><p>“Of course they do,” Steven smiled half-heartedly, feeling a prick of that same jealousy again. He couldn’t wait to get rid of the feeling, so he decided to ask about something else.<br/>
</p><p>“Why is Jasper back on Earth?” Steven asked. Pearl hummed thoughtfully.<br/>
</p><p>“She went through the training with the others, even though had no need to, her stasis barely lasted anything. I don’t know the details, just that she wasn’t very happy to learn about the changes on Homeworld. When my Diamond learnt about that, he decided to have a talk with her himself. That wasn’t easy to fit into his schedule,” she added. Steven wondered how that talk played out.<br/>
</p><p>“And what did they talk about?” Steven asked, and Volleyball shrugged her shoulders.<br/>
</p><p>“It was a private meeting, but after that Jasper decided to join the crew that was heading to Earth. She’s not here as a future student, that I’m sure of.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven frowned in thought. So Jasper and Pink had a chat. What was it they talked about?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The iron fist of Homeworld</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Explicit sex in this chapter. Just saying;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Of course Steven asked Pink about Jasper later, but Pink told him that it wasn’t something they should discuss through the panel. So Steven was left with making his own assumptions. Not that he had much time for them anyway.<br/>
</p><p>After a couple of days spent on getting to know their gem students and the final preparations being made, the school started working in earnest, which meant Steven, as well as the other gems, were super busy with the organization process and the classes and all the new activities. It was exciting, but God was it difficult. Steven felt so done by the time he was home that he barely had the energy to eat, write a couple of messages to Pink and fall deeply asleep. It felt like no matter how much he slept these days, it wasn’t enough.<br/>
</p><p>The days flew by fast. There were rare moments of peace, when Steven didn’t have to help at the school or didn’t have any immediate work and could relax. During such moments Steven usually laid in bed, chatting with Pink or Connie or just lazying around, enjoying doing absolutely nothing. Well, except for cooking, but if he was especially lazy, he didn’t bother with it and simply ordered some pizza.<br/>
</p><p>During one of such slow, lazy mornings, Pink showed up unexpectedly on his balcony. It seemed like it was his favorite way of entering Steven’s house. Steven jumped up from the bed immediately. Just some minutes ago he was chatting with his gem through the panel, and Pink didn’t say a single word about a meeting.<br/>
</p><p>Pink opened the balcony door, smiling, and stepped inside. The first thing they did was exchanging a tight hug.<br/>
</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Steven asked, pulling back. His gem looked so happy that Steven started smiling as well.<br/>
</p><p>“I decided to pay you a visit,” Pink answered simply.<br/>
</p><p>“So that’s a surprise then, not an emergency?”<br/>
</p><p>“Depends on how you look at it,” Pink said, a smirk appearing on his lips.<br/>
</p><p>“God I missed you,” Steven breathed out and then kissed him. Pink answered eagerly, pulling Steven flush to himself. His hand went straight under Steven’s t-shirt, smoothing over his skin, sending waves of heat in their wake.<br/>
</p><p>Steven gasped when he felt Pink’s other hand sneak down to grab his ass firmly. Steven pulled away then, breaking the kiss, feeling very flushed and very turned on. Pink’s hands stayed where they were and he was looking at Steven with his diamond shaped pupils blown large.<br/>
</p><p>“Maybe we shouldn’t,” Steven said awkwardly.<br/>
</p><p>“Why not? You don’t want to?”<br/>
</p><p>“I do,” Steven rushed to assure him. “It’s just that the gems, they, well—”<br/>
</p><p>“Won’t be back for another hour at least,” Pink finished. Steven’s eyebrows drew up. He had no idea Pink kept a close look on their schedules.<br/>
</p><p>“What? I wanted to meet with you and you alone, I can do my research if I want to,” Pink all but purred. Steven stared. Pink was so... intense all of a sudden.<br/>
</p><p>Seeing his surprised stare, Pink seemed to get himself together a little. His eyes returned back to their usual level of shiny.<br/>
</p><p>“I missed you a lot, Steven,” he said quietly, not taking his eyes off Steven. “I know we both had been busy, but I couldn’t wait more. I didn’t want to wait.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven blushed at that. “Yeah, I know. I missed you too,” he said, matching Pink’s quiet tone. The gem leaned closer.<br/>
</p><p>“Then why don’t we use our time together wisely?” he said in a low whisper, clearly teasing. Steven felt another hot wave of arousal run through his body, heading straight to his cock.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay,” he said.<br/>
</p><p>Pink kissed him again, demanding, possessive, and that was so incredibly sexy. The gem started pushing him back softly until the backs of Steven’s legs hit his bed. Steven took the hint and laid down slowly, trying not to break their kiss. Pink bent after him, chasing his mouth with a sense of urgency. Then Steven pulled away finally and laid down, letting Pink get on top and press closer, as close as he could get. The gem was warm and his weight was almost stifling Steven, but it felt so <em>good</em>. Steven moaned as they shared another kiss. Pink let out an answering moan instantly. Oh, wow. This was going to be <em>amazing</em>.<br/>
</p><p>Encouraged by Pink’s eagerness and wanting to match it, Steven put his hands on Pink’s hips, his grip a little unsure. Pink covered one of his hand with his own then, without breaking the kiss, and moved it, pressing it between his own spread legs. Then Pink broke the kiss to look at Steven and ask, “Is that okay?”<br/>
</p><p>He was panting, his lips wet from their chaotic kissing, a desperate look on his face.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s okay,” Steven reassured him, moving his hand a little, pressing down, drawing a sweet gasp out of the gem. Pink jerked his hips forward, like he wanted to grind down on Steven’s hand, and Steven let out a moan, watching him.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, I wanna fuck you,” Steven whispered without thinking. Pink’s gaze turned curious, and Steven felt immediately and deeply embarrassed. Why did he say that?!<br/>
</p><p>“Fuck?” Pink repeated. Steven felt even more embarrassed then. Of course Pink didn’t know what the word meant.<br/>
</p><p>“It’s, uh... It’s when you want to have sex with someone. A lot. And it’s not a... polite word,” he finished awkwardly, turning his gaze away.<br/>
</p><p>Pink hummed and then said, “I want to fuck you, Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven’s gaze snapped back to him immediately. He was so shamefully hard. Pink’s face was still so close to his own.<br/>
</p><p>“We... We could do that,” Steven said, licking his lips. Pink watched the motion like he wanted to be the one licking Steven’s lips right now. Steven was so red in the face. Everything was moving fast, but it felt incredibly good. He missed Pink and his intensity so much.<br/>
</p><p>“Can I take your clothes off?” Pink asked, removing his in a blink of an eye.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, okay, “Steven nodded, trying not to look lower than Pink’s neck.<br/>
</p><p>He had no idea why he was still so embarrassed, why he felt so unsure. They had sex before, right? Shouldn’t it have given him confidence?<br/>
</p><p>Steven helped Pink get his t-shirt and pants off. Then he pulled off his underwear, letting Steven’s erection spring free, which made Steven blush again.<br/>
</p><p>“You look incredible,” Pink whispered, touching his chest lightly with something close to reverence. Steven didn’t know how to answer that, but some warm feeling bloomed inside of him after Pink’s words.<br/>
</p><p>Pink sat up then, pulling away, touching Steven’s cock with his hand. He pulled it once, twice, a firm, confident movement. Steven shut his eyes and moaned. Then he felt something wet pressing to the tip of his cock and opened his eyes. Pink was still sitting on top of him with his knees on the bed on either side of Steven, his hips lifted up. And the wet and warm that was pressing to Steven’s cock was... Pink tried to get Steven’s cock inside himself again, and Steven rushed to say, “Wait!”<br/>
</p><p>Pink stilled immediately, his eyes fixing on Steven.<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t you, uh, need some kind of preparation or—”<br/>
</p><p>“No,” Pink answered firmly, and then carefully guided Steven’s cock inside himself, lowering with slow precision. He was so overwhelmingly warm and nice and slick. Once Pink got comfortable, he didn’t waste time sliding down the length of Steven’s cock in one fluid motion. Steven let out a choked moan, gripping onto Pink’s hips.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes,” Pink hissed, drawing the last letter out. He sounded like he finally got exactly what he wanted. Steven was panting, looking at Pink with an amazed expression. The gem was so hot like this, sitting on top of him with all of Steven’s length inside him. Pink started moving, and both of them moaned. Pink didn’t take his eyes off Steven and he was moving slowly, very slowly. Steven felt close to coming already, because God, how was he supposed to hold out when Pink was looking at him and moving like this? Steven couldn’t stop moaning either, he was still gripping onto Pink’s hips, not guiding or pressing, just taking everything the gem was giving him. Pink’s gaze turned more intense, almost desperate, he was picking up the pace slowly, but surely, his movements easy, natural.<br/>
</p><p>Steven gasped, feeling the pleasure quickly build up. “Wait, I’m going to—”<br/>
</p><p>“I don’t want to wait,” the gem cut him off suddenly, not slowing his movements. “I want your come inside me.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven moaned brokenly, shutting his eyes and giving in then. Pink was moving fast now, and he was perfect, tight and so warm, and Steven couldn’t wait anymore, he was going to come, oh, and it will feel amazing to come inside Pink, knowing that Pink needed it, craved it. Steven gripped Pink’s hips harder and came with his eyes screwed shut, listening to the singing moans of the gem above him. It felt like Pink’s body was accepting his come readily, easily, and if that wasn’t fucking hot, Steven didn’t know what was.<br/>
</p><p>When he felt that he was done, Steven opened his eyes to see a very pleased expression on Pink’s face.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s better,” he smiled, and Steven blushed furiously. Pink slid off his sensitive cock.<br/>
</p><p>“We should probably take a quick shower?” Steven said, his thoughts sluggish, his body content and relaxed.<br/>
</p><p>“Hm, yes, I don’t want to be leaking your come on the upcoming meeting,” the gem mused.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink!” Steven exclaimed indignantly, getting even more red in the face.<br/>
</p><p>“What?” Pink asked innocently.<br/>
</p><p>God, his gem was so hard to deal with sometimes.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>When they were done with the “shower” and Pink assured Steven that he had some more time, they settled on his bed with Pink holding Steven in a lazy embrace. This was exactly what he needed. Some time with his favorite being in the Universe. Pink sighed, pleased, and buried his face in Steven’s neck.<br/>
</p><p>“You seem very content now,” Steven laughed. Pink missed hearing his voice so close, missed the warmth of his body.<br/>
</p><p>“I am very content,” Pink agreed easily, nuzzling into Steven’s neck which made the human giggle.<br/>
</p><p>“You were so, uh, eager before,” Steven said in a quieter tone.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, yes. I kept my mind solely on work for too long, and you were very, <em>very</em> enticing. And I believe you weren’t opposed to us having sex either,” Pink finished, voice turning smug. He felt rather than saw Steven blush.<br/>
</p><p>“God, Pink, you’re just…” he sighed and fell silent.<br/>
</p><p>They laid like this for a little while, relaxed and happy to be close to each other. Then Steven started speaking again, and the tone of his voice suggested that he was thinking about something serious.<br/>
</p><p>“I wanted to ask you something, Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink raised his head so he could look Steven in the eye. He was frowning, and the look in his eyes was distant, as if he was remembering something.<br/>
</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Pink asked. Steven sent him a more present look.<br/>
</p><p>“What did you talk about with Jasper?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink felt instantly exasperated. It was just Jasper? Why was Steven so invested in this gem?<br/>
</p><p>“You shouldn’t worry so much on her account,” Pink said in a clipped tone. “She didn’t agree with some changes that we were making, and I decided to meet with her and remind her who exactly the rulers of Homeworld were.”<br/>
</p><p>He remembered Jasper’s grim stare and how her fists clenched when she walked into Pink’s meeting room. She was a strong-willed gem. It was a shame that all this will was turned against Homeworld at the moment. And that was exactly what Pink had told her.<br/>
</p><p>“Did you threaten her?!” Steven cried out, sitting up on the bed and looking at Pink with a tense, disapproving expression. Pink sighed, sitting up as well. There was going to be no more cuddling, not when Steven was so serious and eager for answers.<br/>
</p><p>“I didn’t, though I could have. I don’t think it would have worked with her. Jasper is a picture of a perfect soldier. Unbreakable, strong. Devoted to Homeworld with every fiber of her being. Once I reminded her that fighting change means fighting not me exclusively, but all of the Diamonds, she was quick to understand her mistake.” Pink quieted for a bit. Steven was listening with an attentive look on his face. “It must be hard to accept that everything you think happened to your Diamond was a lie. She clearly thinks I’m an impostor, but as long as she doesn’t share her opinion, I’m willing to let it slide. I told her that too. Then she went to Earth.”<br/>
</p><p>Her gaze and her stance changed then, Pink remembered. For a while she was accessing him. And then he suggested she goes to Earth for a while, takes a pause from all the change that has been happening around her. If she needed time, Pink understood. However twisted the change must seem to Jasper, she wouldn’t do anything to harm the Empire, Pink knew that with a certainty born from being a Diamond and looking at his gem. He could tell from the start that Jasper was one of the most devoted gems he had ever met.<br/>
</p><p>In the end, she agreed to come to Earth. She must have realized how crucial it was to not hinder the Diamonds in any way. And Pink thought that Jasper did need time, a lot of it, to assess the situation she was in, giving consideration to all the facts she was presented with. And hopefully, to change. Maybe Earth will help her with that. He told her that too, very carefully.<br/>
</p><p>Steven was still quiet, and the look that came over his face Pink knew all too well.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven.” He looked at Pink, still deep in his thoughts, but at least he was listening. “Jasper doesn’t need your help.”<br/>
</p><p>That made Steven frown again. “What are you talking about? Of course she does! She’s on Earth now, and she’s lost and confused and—”<br/>
</p><p>“Jasper is not lost. And neither is she confused,” Pink interrupted, tone firm. He really didn’t like the thought of Steven interacting with Jasper. She wouldn’t attack him, that was out of the question, but she could hurt Steven in other ways than with a punch. “Her grasp on the situation is accurate and very concise.”<br/>
</p><p>“Because she’s a good soldier,” Steven said in a flat voice. Pink nodded. “But she’s not a soldier anymore, not with the change that we’re making!” Steven exclaimed, gesturing with his hands in a frustrated manner. Pink thought that he really was invested too much in this one gem. Why would that be?<br/>
</p><p>“And that’s exactly why she needs time to adjust. All our gems require that. But it doesn’t mean that you have to be the one helping them with that.”<br/>
</p><p>“But I want to help!” Now Steven looked angry.<br/>
</p><p>“And you <em>are</em> helping,” Pink said, touching his arm, trying to be soothing. Which was a hard thing to do when he had no clue what prompted Steven to get so emotional. “You’re helping a lot of gems at your school. They’re the ones you <em>can</em> help. But I suggest you leave Jasper alone.”<br/>
</p><p>A stubborn expression crossed Steven’s face, but then he nodded. Pink relaxed. Now he could go back to Homeworld without worrying that Steven will try to talk to Jasper. The last thing Jasper needed at the moment was a reminder that her purpose is no more and that her “true” Diamond is long gone.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>When Pink got back to Homeworld, he headed straight to White. She told him that she wanted to talk about Homeworld fleets, some of which just got back from the called-off exploration missions. They need to be reassigned somewhere else, and Pink had to made a very difficult admission. The truth was, he still didn’t have any idea how to go about the reassignment process. He contemplated this question for a long time now, to no avail, and it was time for him to admit it. He was failing. He couldn’t make it work, not alone.<br/>
</p><p>When he walked into the meeting room, White greeted him politely. She didn’t comment on him being a little late, which was nice but also not really like her. Once Pink settled on the armrest of her chair, White didn’t waste any time on pleasantries.<br/>
</p><p>“I take it you have some suggestions as to what we should do with our war fleets,” she said. She looked serious, very serious. Pink would not flinch, and he would not back down. But he will have to tell her the truth, there was no way around it.<br/>
</p><p>“Some of our returning war gems will be helping the research groups and some could be assigned to constructing all the necessary facilities on the colony planets,” he said, trying to keep his voice even, self-assured. They will need a lot of new contraptions once they start growing gems again, in a non-harmful way. White was nodding along, but it was clear she wanted to hear what else he had in mind. Pink felt his gem constrict unpleasantly once, twice. He didn’t have anything else. Nothing. The look on White’s face slowly changed and she realized it too.<br/>
</p><p>“There are <em>so many</em> of them,” Pink said, dismayed. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long while, ever since I started planning on making changes, but I…” he quieted down, suddenly unsure. But he didn’t tear his gaze away from White. He needed to know what her reaction will be. Disappointment? Anger? Will she reprimand him, like she did on countless other occasions?<br/>
</p><p>White pursed her lips. “Changing Homeworld like that, with so many war gems existing and ready, you should have thought carefully about what their purpose will be. To leave them without one is asking for troubles, and you know that. You were careless. But you cannot afford to be careless at a time like this.”<br/>
Pink frowned, hurt but also knowing that White was right.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not sure I could have solved this even if I thought for cycles.” The admission hung between them, a heavy, inescapable thing. Silence followed it. Pink wasn’t looking at White as he went on, “Some time ago… I met with Yellow and Blue.” It was a while ago, right when Steven came to Homeworld without Pink knowing about it. He asked Pink then what were they doing in the meeting room without their Pearls. Pink told him the truth, but that was only part of what the three of them were trying to accomplish in the big, echoing room, their gems shining bright, their arms extended.<br/>
</p><p>Pink shook himself out of the memory with a shudder and continued, “We were trying to see if we could… change these gems somehow. I wanted to see if we could delete their exceptional skills in wielding dangerous weapons without touching on the information of their personality, but…” he suppressed another shudder, remembering the blank look on the face of a Quartz as him, Yellow and Blue looked for a way to inflict such a change. They never found one. They let the Quartz go as she was, and Pink had close his eyes and breathe, calming himself. They didn’t change her. She was alright. She was still herself. It was so easy to hurt her, to cause an irreparable change, but they <em>didn’t</em>. Pink didn’t. That was what mattered, in the end. They backed away carefully once it was clear that they couldn’t change the Quartz without damaging her.<br/>
</p><p>“The personalities of the war gems are inextricable from their skills,” White said after some moments of silence. “This is how I created them. This is how all of us had created them. You cannot just cut it off.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink flinched hard. His gem felt small and feverish in his form. He wondered how it must have felt for White to burn away all of Pink’s former personality. How she must have cut away at things until nothing was left, not a trace, not a single piece of programming.<br/>
</p><p>“But you would never do such a thing, Pink,” White went on, voice softer now. “You would never hurt the gems in your keep like that.”<br/>
</p><p>“I had to find another way,” Pink said, voice quiet, so quiet he wondered if White even heard him. He felt suddenly small and powerless and exhausted. “But I couldn’t.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink wanted to show White and everyone else that he was ready, that he knew what he was doing. They were all counting on him to make a successful change in their society. But something as big as dismantling the expanse of Homeworld armies in a peaceful manner while giving them clear purpose so that they don’t become frustrated and try to cause an unrest was a task that was out of Pink’s league. Pink knew that, he knew it from the very start, even if he didn’t want to admit it to White.<br/>
</p><p>“You’re eager, but you’re young, Pink,” White said, and she sounded condescending, but gentle at the same time. Pink looked up at her finally and found her smiling lightly. She didn’t look disappointed or upset, and Pink let himself relax a little. Maybe she could help him find the answer this time. “You haven’t existed for even a decade, and you want to take on a task as big as this. You were always ambitious,” her smile turned proud at that. Pink decided not to mention that all his ambition came to good use only because of Steven and his help.<br/>
</p><p>“If you don’t wish to completely change or bubble thousands of gems, then we, as Diamonds, have to give them a new purpose,” she went on. Pink nodded.<br/>
</p><p>“I have an option for you, you know,” her tone was almost conversational, but Pink could see that she was proud of herself for coming up with something when Pink couldn’t. “It’s not an easy one, but I believe it is the most adequate one in our current situation.”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m listening.”<br/>
</p><p>White intertwined her fingers and rested her chin on them before speaking. “Since our war gems need a structure and a purpose, we could still send them to explore the Universe for us, but with a different purpose. Instead of our war gems conquering worlds, they will be seeking other planets in a more peaceful manner. No destruction, absolutely no violence,” she went on.<br/>
</p><p>Pink frowned, thinking this over. He considered the possibility of assigning Homeworld fleets with the task of finding new planets without doing any actual harm. But their war gems were proud, strong and unyielding. Exactly like Jasper. If the Diamonds told them to travel to another end of the Universe just to find a fitting colony and then leave it alone, that would make them very angry very fast.<br/>
</p><p>All of the gems worked towards making Homeworld flourish, that was true. But their war gems were meant to bring the Empire’s glory across the Universe, they were leaders in their own right, refined to the point of being perfect. Brought together, they were unstoppable. And if their only purpose in the new society will be no more than that of scouts, the iron fist of Homeworld fleets could turn against the Diamonds in the blink of an eye. None of these gems would dare to hurt the Empire. But that was true only if the Diamonds themselves could be seen as working towards making the Empire glorious. If their war gems start doubting them and their work...<br/>
</p><p>“I know what you’re thinking about, Pink,” White said quietly. Pink looked at her then. “With all of your work towards a more open society you overlooked one thing. Our army isn’t built on openness. It isn’t built on gems doing whatever they please. It isn’t built on freedom; these gems aren’t built for it. And even if some express this tendency, the majority, I assure you, will not. I know my gems, and you know yours. This is exactly why you have been stuck with the question of what to do with them for such a long time. Because you know you cannot force them to be free and expect them to be happy about the change. Maybe with any other gems you can. But not with our war gems. You cannot change what had been put in them to such an extent, not when we have so many of them, not when they were refined from their very first formation to be the best, to be fast and strong and smart and to wield weapons that could be dangerous even to us if turned against us,” she paused, looking at him, her gaze all-knowing. “Now you have realized why every gem, especially a powerful one, should know what they are here for. They can be a threat otherwise.”<br/>
</p><p>He wanted to object, but White was right, oh so right. Her every word hit straight on the nerve. Pink narrowed his eyes, his anger burning a low dangerous note in the center of his gem. “Why did you create them like this? Why make <em>us</em> create them like this? This is… wrong.”<br/>
</p><p>She lifted her eyebrows at that. “Wrong? Maybe it is wrong by our new standards. But what do you want me to do about it? Most of these gems were created a long, long time ago.”<br/>
</p><p>“Stars, why did you have to give <em>everyone</em> a prearranged purpose?” Pink said, voice low with how upset he was. And now their war gems had to carry the burden of their mistakes. He wasn’t really expecting an answer, but White hummed thoughtfully and when he looked up at her, she was wearing a pensive expression.<br/>
</p><p>“Why create you like this? A question I don’t get asked often. I remember the last time clearly, and I am sure I will remember this one too. I will explain it to you again, Pink, why I created you all the way you are.”<br/>
</p><p>Then White turned to look at him, and her gaze was distant, as if the depth of time long gone was suddenly opened up before her. Pink was struck with a realization of how just old White was. She was <em>so old</em>, and sometimes he forgot.<br/>
</p><p>“Alone, afloat in a staggering immensity of open space,” she muttered quietly, as if to herself alone. “Do you know what that feels like, Pink? To watch the stars form and die in an endless cycle, creating matter for future worlds to be born.” White’s gaze was morphing, turning intense, all-knowing, piercing, <em>ancient</em>. Pink suppressed a shudder. Her pupils shrank, bathed in a sea of white of her irises, shining an indescribable hue. It was beautiful. It was terrifying.<br/>
</p><p>They hadn’t talked about the time before Yellow and Blue came to be. Before everyone came to be. And there was a reason why.<br/>
</p><p>White continued without tearing her gaze away from him, “I was here long before any of you. I was here to listen, here to learn, knowing deep in my mind that I could keep the wisdom that I’ve learnt until the end of time. For I will be here a long, long time. And as I watched the endless Universe unfold, I realized one thing. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I didn’t want to be alone and without a purpose. And just like the Universe created its worlds out of stardust, so I created my first gem. My own creation.” Pink watched, transfixed, as the oldest Diamond spoke. In her eyes a bright, pure light was glowing. The power to create and to destroy, to shape others as she sees fit. The ever reaching, unbearable, pure light. A sharp, stinging ache pierced Pink’s gem, but he couldn’t move. “And I intended to make them perfect. To make all of you perfect. Because you were mine, and because I wanted you to experience living. Yellow and Blue started creating their own gems in turn, and so it all began. With a handful of gems and one old planet full of resources. And with us. You were the last one, the smallest one, Pink. But you are a Diamond too. We are the Diamonds. We are wise for we are infinite. There is nothing we cannot overcome. Never forget that.”<br/>
</p><p>The light glowed brighter for a moment – or an eternity – and then faded from White’s eyes slowly, almost reluctantly. She blinked. Pink did too, and then shuddered, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh Pink, did I hurt you? I’m sorry, I got carried away when I shouldn’t have,” White started fretting, her voice returning to its usual rhythm and flow. Pink blinked a couple more times, trying to get his scattered thoughts together. His gem was still aching, faintly, but it was familiar somehow. Pink swayed a little and decided to sit down before he fell.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink? Is your gem alright? Let me see,” White reached for him, and Pink snapped an immediate, “No.”<br/>
</p><p>Her hand twitched and she drew it back just as quickly. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly.<br/>
</p><p>“I will be alright. I need a moment,” Pink said in a measured voice, trying to blink away the burning imprint of White’s light from his eyes and from his mind. The first was a considerably easier thing to do than the second. White was powerful, in more ways than one. She could affect gems if she reached for some of that ancient power locked within her. But it was locked up for a reason. It could be blinding, maddening when it wasn’t filtered. Pink drew in a couple of breaths, revelling in how human it felt to breathe. He remembered Steven suddenly, with a jolt. Right. He had to think about Steven, his favorite human, his most precious creature in the Universe.<br/>
</p><p>That finally brought him back to reality. A swaying, liquid body of his thoughts stopped sloshing painfully in his head and went back to its usual gentle flow. Everything went back to normal. He experimentally clenched and unclenched his fists. Then got back up on his feet. Only then did he look at White. Her face was scrunched up in worry and remorse.<br/>
</p><p>“Are you alright?” she asked, trying to make her voice sound softer. He nodded.<br/>
</p><p>“Can we go back to discussing the fleets?” Pink asked. White nodded vigorously, “Oh, yes, the fleets. As I was saying, we can set before them a purpose of discovering worlds peacefully, but that cannot be all there is to it. We cannot afford to make our war gems into some lowly scouts. I suggest they retain their older purpose, with some adjustments.”<br/>
</p><p>“And what exactly would that entail?” Pink asked, raising an eyebrow. Their older purpose was, after all, the destruction of other planets in the name of the Empire. It calmed him to be back on the safe topic of discussion again. Pink came back to his senses quicker than he thought he would after experiencing the harsh glower of White’s true power.<br/>
</p><p>“Our glorious armies could look not only for suitable planets, but for highly organized, intellectually developed life forms specifically. Like on Earth,” she proclaimed. So she meant like humans. White looked at Pink then, self-assured to the point of being smug. Now she was in her element. Methods of ruling and their gems; purpose was her favorite thing to discuss. Pink didn’t get where she was going with this yet. Why would they look for such type of life specifically?<br/>
</p><p>“We will bring the light of the Empire to other creatures, like human beings. In a peaceful way, of course,” she rushed to add, seeing the look on Pink’s face. “We will not destroy anything or touch their natural habitat. We will not force anyone to work with us. But I have an inkling that whatever life there is, it <em>will</em> want to work with us. We have technology, we have access to valuable resources, we have the ability to communicate with other creatures in a very efficient manner. Those would be diplomatic missions, you see.”<br/>
</p><p>“And we would send armed war gems to act as our diplomats?”<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t be silly, Pink. Of course we will have diplomats. But don’t you see, a task as big as this will fill our armies with faith. They will trust us. And that is what we need right now. Later we can start getting rid of unnecessary weapons, we will not create more war gems as of yet, and slowly we will take it down a notch. But we cannot disband them, nor can we ignore them.” Seeing Pink hesitate, she continued, “It will give a lot of gems a new purpose. We will be establishing contact with other creatures instead of destroying them.”<br/>
</p><p>“And what if they don’t want contact? What if they think we’re trying to attack them?” Pink asked, trying to find flaws.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, but we won’t let our gems bring any dangerous weapons onboard, if it’s a diplomatic mission. Anything that is lethal to organic life I mean. And all procedures must be reported back to us, naturally. Every diplomatic mission will be a slow, calculated and orchestrated process. We will not allow any disobedience when it comes to not hurting the organic life existing on the planets.” She said and then added, “And if that life would not wish to establish any form of contact, we will leave those creatures alone, of course. Forcing such contact would be all kinds of wrong.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink thought for some moments. White’s idea… actually seemed reasonable. It was much better than nothing. And they needed <em>something</em> now. This plan would give their armies something very important and necessary at the moment – a true purpose.<br/>
</p><p>“But as I said before, it is just a suggestion,” White said. “The decision is always yours.”<br/>
</p><p>He looked up at her again and nodded. She recognized his right to deny her idea.<br/>
</p><p>“In any case, we will send all of the arriving fleets to the briefing,” Pink mused, opening up his panel and going through the list of war gems that will be on Homeworld in a couple of cycles or so. There were quite many.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, all of them will be sent to the briefing. And all of them will be encouraged to try something new and… discover themselves,” White finished. It seemed like she learnt some of Pink’s documents by heart. It was nice, in a way, that she took his ideas so seriously.<br/>
</p><p>“But for those who don’t want that…” Pink said, looking at the list and thinking it over. “For those who don’t want that it will be important to have a solid purpose being offered. And your suggestion gives them that. I will think more about it,” he concluded, closing the panel and looking at White again. “Thank you for meeting with me.”<br/>
</p><p>White nodded, smiling. “Thank you, Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>They were all learning to express their gratitude in words. Being polite Steven called it. Right, Steven. Better he doesn’t know about this part of changing Homeworld. Pink knew Steven wanted to disband Homeworld armies, but stars, that would never work. Pink didn’t intend to put their own society, as well as Steven and his Earth, in danger. He had to protect them all.<br/>
</p><p>They will have to balance their new priorities of gems discovering themselves with the rigid power structure of Homeworld fleets and their need for a clear and strong purpose. But White said it herself. They were the Diamonds. There was nothing they couldn’t overcome. And Pink fully intended to make all of this work, no matter how hard he will have to try.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. When everything starts falling apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some warnings that I want my readers to be aware of in relation to this chapter are Steven’s symptoms of anxiety and PTSD, his anger issues and a lot of self-deprecation. I put some of Steven’s thoughts in parentheses, these are the thoughts that he tries not to acknowledge and instead buries them as deep as he can. Needless to say, they are not the happy kind of thoughts.<br/>Also while writing this chapter, I watched this amazing video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EahryXV771c made by CertifiedGeek, so you can give it a try to set the mood.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lately the only feeling Steven was capable of experiencing fully was pure exhaustion. The school was taking a lot out of him, the to-do lists and notifications on his phone never seemed to end. There was a lot of talking, and planning, and looking over documents, and preparing new things for the classrooms and slowly building the warp that would connect Little Homeworld to actual Homeworld. No wonder Steven was so busy all the time. For a time, he even entertained the idea of teaching the gardening class, but he got so nervous for some reason and cancelled everything at the last moment.<br/>
</p><p>Pink was buried neck deep in work as well, and they didn’t talk almost anything through the panel, much less met in person.<br/>
</p><p>And anyway, things Steven that preferred to do during his dwindling free time weren’t that exciting. He would stay in bed and mindlessly scroll through the feed on his phone or play easy, forgettable games. And sleep.<br/>
</p><p>Most nights when he went to sleep, Steven had dreams that went in a weird, nonsensical circle and led him nowhere. Whenever he had those, or the nightmares, it felt almost like he wasn’t getting any sleep at all. Most mornings Steven would wake up already feeling the beginnings of exhaustion, and the feeling only increased during the day. Sometimes he woke up energetic, but it was a nervous kind energy that quickly turned to frustration whenever something went not according to his expectations or plans. It could be something serious, or the most mundane of things. Burnt breakfast. Being five minutes late. Rain instead of the usual sun. Lion bothering him with seemingly no reason at all. His phone dying because he forgot to charge it the previous day.<br/>
</p><p>Steven was frustrated or even angry more often than not, and he didn’t understand why. He got everything he wanted, didn’t he? The Diamonds had ended their reign of terror, Pink was doing really well now, the corrupted gems were healed for the most part, though the Crystal gems still found some here or there and brought them back to be bathed in the Diamond essence. Steven was back in Beach City with his family and friends, and everyone was doing <em>so well</em>. Except for him. It seemed like no matter what happened, Steven just couldn’t be happy, and that annoyed him to no end. What was his problem?! Why did he always feel like something was going to blow up in his face? Why were his panic attacks longer and worse than before? Why couldn’t he have the happy life he deserved after everything he did, after all the help he provided? It was maddening, and Steven tried not to think about it, because it made him angry and frustrated.<br/>
</p><p>One day Steven was sitting on a bench in his usual state of quietly simmering frustration. He wasn’t far from Little Homeschool, and right now he wasn’t even sure what triggered his anxious, aggravated state (someone was talking at length about Rose Quartz. Again.). He tried taking deep breaths, tried to calm himself down. He almost blew up on an unsuspecting student. That wasn’t okay. He needed to get himself together, now.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Steven,” a voice called, and Steven whipped around to see Amethyst standing nearby with a concerned expression on her face. “You okay?” she asked, coming closer. Oh no. He didn’t want deep emotional conversations. Not now. (Not ever.)<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine,” he answered with false cheerfulness. Amethyst raised her eyebrows. Steven felt his face heat up in embarrassment, but she didn’t say anything about that, thank God.<br/>
</p><p>“Can I sit with you?” she asked instead. Steven shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. She landed on the bench, getting comfortable, content to just sit in silence for now. Steven still felt the frustration like a hot, twisting thing inside of him. All of it was directed at himself.<br/>
</p><p>“So…” Amethyst started after a couple of minutes spent in silence. “Those gems in there… real chatty, huh?”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, I guess,” Steven said, making his voice sound as disinterested as possible. He got his phone out of his pocket and started scrolling through some app without any need to. He was gripping it so hard that if he was still half gem he would have totally broken it to pieces. If he was still… No, he wasn’t following that train of thought.<br/>
</p><p>Amethyst perked up. “Oh, speaking of which, Pearl wanted—”<br/>
</p><p>“Ugh, Pearl wants this, Pearl wants that. If she wanted something, she could have told me <em>herself</em>. And why exactly are you still trying to force us to talk,” Steven demanded, turning to face her, raising his voice as he spoke, “if I already told you <em>so many times</em> that there’s <em>nothing</em> to talk about?!”<br/>
</p><p>She looked taken aback. “Dude, I—”<br/>
</p><p>“It’s like there’s always this expectation of me having to make amends, even if <em>she’s</em> the one who started everything?! And she can’t even talk to me herself! Instead, here you are!”<br/>
</p><p>Amethyst looked even more surprised and worried. Steven didn’t mean to shout. He realized he was breathing heavily and that his hand hurt from how hard he was gripping his phone.<br/>
</p><p>“Uh, I just wanted to say that Pearl needs a new phone for her class. Someone broke the last one by accident again,” Amethyst said in a quiet voice. Steven felt all warm from embarrassment then. God, he misread everything, didn’t he? Why did he have to snap at her like this? (They’ve been trying to pressure him into talking with Pearl, with Garnet being more persistent and Amethyst gently nudging from time to time, as if Steven was dumb somehow and couldn’t see right through them. He was <em>sick of it</em>.)<br/>
</p><p>“Are you okay, dude?” Amethyst asked.<br/>
</p><p>Steven had no idea what to say. Still feeling terribly ashamed, he just squeaked, “Sorry, gotta go,” then got up from the bench abruptly and headed off in the direction of his Dondai.<br/>
</p><p>“Woah, hold up—”<br/>
</p><p>“Please don’t follow me, Amethyst,” Steven cut her off without turning to look at her. Something was terribly wrong with his mood lately. He didn’t want to be near anyone in such a state. (He didn’t deserve to be near anyone.)<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Because of how much the Off Colors helped with setting up Little Homeschool and also because Pink was pressing them to accept more students soon, it was decided that after just four months of studying the Off Colors learnt everything they could from Little Homeschool. Which meant the graduation party!<br/>
</p><p>Steven got to work organizing everything. Of course he wasn’t doing it alone, but Steven loved to organize such things, so he figured he should be the one doing most of the work. It was a bittersweet event, but the Off Colors all agreed to step in as teachers of Little Homeschool, so that more students could be accepted. So they weren’t really going far. Still, Steven felt like it was a significant milestone for them. They’ve learnt so much, and they were so eager to become teachers themselves. They knew what they wanted to do with their lives (unlike Steven), and it was awesome!<br/>
</p><p>It was decided that the event will take place on the beach near their house on Friday night, and Steven was especially busy during the last week of preparations. When everything was finally ready, the scene built and the guest lists completed, Steven suddenly got a call from Sadie, who also wanted to come to the party. Steven was surprised, him and Sadie didn’t really talk much these days. She was living her new life in Empire city, and Steven was busy with the school. That’s what he told himself anyway.<br/>
</p><p>Steven recently learnt that Lars and Sadie broke up. When they talked about it, Lars mentioned it like it was just another thing that happened, but Steven knew he was upset. How could he not be? They were such a perfect couple! How could they break up? Yeah, Lars had said, scratching at the back of his head, things just happen. It’s not a big deal. It <em>was</em> a big deal to Steven, and he knew it was a big deal to Lars. But he decided not to press for more details at the time.<br/>
</p><p>Ever since he learnt about their break-up, Steven was a little… withdrawn from both Sadie and Lars. But he was happy that she called and he was happy to put her on the guest list.<br/>
</p><p>“I’ll be bringing someone, if that’s okay,” she told him on the phone. It sounded like there was a lot of traffic around her. Steven wondered what she was doing there, what kind of new, exciting things she was up to.<br/>
</p><p>“Lars is already invited,” Steven said without thinking.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I know,” she answered. “It’s someone else. My partner Shep. Is it okay for them to come?” she asked, voice brimming with excitement, and Steven’s heart dropped for some reason.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, sure, of course,” he laughed nervously. “Um, anyway, I gotta go do this thing…”<br/>
</p><p>“Sure, see you at the party!” Sadie said. She sounded so happy, so content. For a moment Steven felt like he was about to cry, and he didn’t know why.<br/>
</p><p>“See you!” Steven answered and ended the call. Then he sighed, putting his phone away.<br/>
</p><p>So there wasn’t any chance of Lars and Sadie getting back together? Lars will probably be upset. Steven knew he himself was upset. Lars and Sadie were just… they fit perfectly together, didn’t they? Steven was so happy when they finally realized their feelings for each other. What had happened since then? Why did everything have to be so different now?<br/>
</p><p>Steven rubbed at his face. He felt so tired. He also felt stuck in time, like an insect in bright yellow amber, unchanged, while everyone went on with their lives. What was he even doing? Where was his place in all of this? (Did he even have one, now that he was human?)<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>The graduation, despite Steven’s concerns, was actually going… fine. Yeah, it was going fine. Steven was finished with his speech, and it felt so nice to see the happy, proud looks that all of the Off Colors wore. They’ve adjusted so well to Earth, they were enjoying it here, and Steven was so proud and relieved. They were an amazing example to all their new students too! They will all make such amazing teachers for Little Homeschool!<br/>
</p><p>Steven tried to be happy and at ease. He also tried not to look in the direction of Sadie and the mysterious Shep. They will come and introduce themselves at some point, but Steven wasn’t going to go over himself and make it awkward. Instead, he decided to go talk to Lars who was standing nearby and seemed to be finishing his conversation with Rhodonite.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Lars!” Steven greeted, coming over to him.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Steven!” Lars smiled. He looked happy. Steven wondered whether Lars was good at pretending, or if he really didn’t mind Sadie being this close and happily hanging out with another person in her new relationship. “You did a great job, this is an amazing graduation party!” he went on.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, uh, thanks. How are you… doing?” Steven ventured, unsure.<br/>
</p><p>Lars raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? I just told you that the party is great.”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, yeah, but I mean…” Steven scratched at the back of his head. “I mean how are you feeling and… stuff?”<br/>
</p><p>A look of understanding crossed Lars’ face. “Oh, did your gem tell you already? Shame, I wanted to be the one to break the news.”<br/>
</p><p>Now it was Steven’s turn to be confused. “Told me about what?”<br/>
</p><p>“That I’m going to Homeworld,” Lars said. Steven stared.<br/>
</p><p>“You… what? <em>Why?</em>”<br/>
</p><p>“He didn’t tell you then. Well, I’m going there to help other Homeworld gems,” Lars explained. Steven still didn’t understand, and Lars went on, “You know, with all the changes they’re making, the Diamonds really need someone who knows about, like, free ways of living and stuff like that. They’re trying to teach that to the entirety of Homeworld. And the colonies are another thing… To keep it simple, they have a ton of work and they were happy when I asked them if—”<br/>
</p><p>“You talked to the Diamonds? When? How?” Steven demanded. Not that he didn’t like them, but, if he was honest, he didn’t want them anywhere near Lars. Well, except for Pink maybe.<br/>
</p><p>Lars raised an eyebrow again, looking unimpressed. “You do know the Off Colors all have their panels, right? And that you can schedule a meeting with the Diamonds if you want to discuss something? I mean, they have a huge waiting time usually, but since they knew I wouldn’t bother them without a reason—”<br/>
</p><p>“But <em>why</em> would you want to go to Homeworld?” Steven interrupted again, feeling lost and suddenly small. Why would Lars want to go there on his own free will? Why was he so <em>happy</em> talking about it? (Wasn’t he afraid?)<br/>
</p><p>“I just told you, to help Homeworld gems. Are you okay, Steven?” Lars asked, a look of concern crossing his face.<br/>
</p><p>“But why can’t you stay here? You can help the gems here, what’s the problem with that?” Steven asked, getting agitated. He definitely didn’t want Lars going off to Homeworld. Sure, everything was fine there now, but it was a place filled with gems, and the Diamonds, and…<br/>
</p><p>Now Lars looked annoyed. “Sure I could, but I <em>want</em> to go there. I want to explore Homeworld, Steven, and if I can help, then I want to help.”<br/>
</p><p>“Is this because of Sadie?” Steven asked, feeling suddenly angry. That was the case, the underlying reason for all of this, wasn’t it? Lars couldn’t bear to be on Earth anymore, since him and Sadie broke up.<br/>
</p><p>“What? What does this have to do with her?” Lars looked genuinely confused.<br/>
</p><p>“I mean, with her and Shep?” Steven raised his voice without meaning to. “You broke up, and I get it, it’s sad, but it doesn’t mean that you have to go to <em>Homeworld</em> of all places just to get away from your feelings!”<br/>
</p><p>He might have spoken louder than he meant to. (He just shouted at Lars.) Lars looked surprised for a couple of moments, but then clear anger appeared on his face. “Steven, what’s your problem?! I’m happy for Sadie, and I <em>just told you</em> why I want to go!”<br/>
</p><p>“Well, why didn’t you tell me about it before?”<br/>
</p><p>“I’ve been meaning too, but we haven’t had a proper talk in like three months! It’s like you keep avoiding me or something!” Lars answered, raising his voice. Steven felt his heart clench. Lars was right about that at least. He went on, “And anyway, I’m allowed to live my own life, make my choices, do you have a problem with that or what?”<br/>
</p><p>“Fine! If you’d rather avoid your own feelings, fine!” Steven cried, throwing his hands up in frustration. Lars crossed his arms, frowning, and stayed silent.<br/>
</p><p>A heavy silence hung around them. Steven looked around and found that everyone was staring at the two of them.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, is everything fine?” Sadie said cautiously. She stood much closer now, Steven didn’t even notice her approach. “Steven? Are you okay?”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m peachy!” he said, voice tense. He was so angry. So upset. It felt like the mess of emotions came upon him simply out of nowhere. (But no, there was a reason for all of this, he just didn’t want to think about it, did he?) “You and Lars broke up, just like the Suspects have, and Lars is going to Homeworld to hang out with the Diamonds. I was never better!”<br/>
</p><p>Seeing the surprised expression on Sadie’s face, Steven felt suddenly and terribly guilty. All of his anger dissipated, leaving behind a sour, hollow feeling. He looked away from her, and found that the Off Colors were staring at him with concern. Buck, Jenny and Sour Cream looked ready to jump into the conversation as well, Shep seemed uncomfortable and concerned, standing some steps away.<br/>
</p><p>God, what was Steven even doing? He didn’t mean to shout, to get angry. And now he ruined the party. What was wrong with him? Why did it upset him so to hear about Lars leaving to Homeworld?<br/>
</p><p>“I’ll just... go. Sorry,” he mumbled and hung his head, not looking at anybody. He started in the direction of the house.<br/>
</p><p>“Wait, Steven, don’t go, can we talk?” He heard Sadie’s voice and hunched his shoulders, walking faster, eager to get away. He made everyone so uncomfortable. He did enough as it was.<br/>
</p><p>Thankfully, no one else said anything more, so Steven got to the house unhindered. It was empty and quiet. The gems were on a mission to retrieve some corrupted gems they found high in the mountains. He was glad they were gone. He needed some alone time.<br/>
</p><p>Steven kicked off his sandals and landed face first onto his bed. He was such a wreck. He didn’t understand why. Of course Lars had his own life, and Steven respected his choices, but he was... he was just worried. Steven couldn’t be happy when Lars said he was going off to Homeworld. Why couldn’t Lars understand? Why couldn’t he <em>stay? Everyone</em> was leaving. Everyone had new, more exciting things to do. Everyone but <em>him</em>. Why couldn’t he have that? Didn’t he do a good enough job? Wasn’t he a good person? Maybe it was because he was human?<br/>
</p><p>Steven pressed his face into the pillow and started crying. Why did it feel so bad to see everyone go? Change was supposed to be good, wasn’t it? Why then did Steven feel so miserable?<br/>
</p><p>He didn’t know how long he cried, but at last his tears had dried. Steven turned to lie on his side then, staring at the wall, his head empty. At least the thoughts didn’t bother him anymore. He felt detached from them, as well as from his emotions. That was good. No anger, no pain squeezing at his heart.<br/>
</p><p>He started to doze off, when he heard the balcony door open. Steven jumped up on the bed, heart beating fast in alarm.<br/>
</p><p>Pink was standing in his room, full of his usual grace, his form glowing softly. Steven breathed out, relaxing. It was just Pink, no one else. He wanted to feel happy for his gem’s arrival. Instead, he just felt empty.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven? What’s wrong?” Pink asked, coming closer.<br/>
</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Steven croaked, his voice hoarse from crying.<br/>
</p><p>“Lars wrote to me. He said something happened to you and—”<br/>
</p><p>“Nothing happened to me,” Steven interrupted. “Honestly, it’s me who happened to them. I ruined the party,” he cringed, then sighed and fell back on the bed.<br/>
</p><p>“Can you tell me what happened?” Pink asked, coming closer. He looked concerned, of course he did. Lately it was the only expression anyone was looking at Steven with. He felt annoyance flare up, but no, he told himself firmly that he was too tired for emotions now. Being in this hazy, calm state felt much better. He should cry more often. He should put it in his schedule and—<br/>
</p><p>“Steven?” Pink touched his hand gently, and Steven welcomed the steady flow of energy it brought him. He hummed quietly.<br/>
</p><p>“I shouted at Lars for wanting to go to Homeworld,” he answered simply.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh. Is there something… wrong with that?” Pink asked cautiously.<br/>
</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me that he met with you guys?” Steven asked instead of answering. Pink frowned. He was cute like this, all intense and concentrated on Steven.<br/>
</p><p>“I thought he would tell you himself. You are friends, aren’t you?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven smiled. It was a bitter, crooked thing. The frown on Pink’s face deepened.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, I’m worried. Why don’t you talk to me?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed. “I’m pretty tired now, Pink, and the last thing I want is to talk.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven closed his eyes. Some seconds of silence followed. Then, “Alright. What do you want then?”<br/>
</p><p>“I want to rest,” Steven mumbled. “And you can honestly just go back to Homeworld.”<br/>
</p><p>His gem must have a lot to do. How did Lars put it? A ton of work? Yeah, seemed about right. Pink had his own life now. Steven felt ashamed for tearing him away from that life. Pink didn’t have to babysit him. The feelings were all distant though, Steven was still mostly covered with a thick blanket of indifference. It felt nice, soothing. He needed that after his outburst.<br/>
</p><p>“You... don’t want to see me?” Pink sounded hurt.<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed again. “You know I do. Just not now. Now I want to be left alone.”<br/>
</p><p>And you have a lot of work to do anyway, Steven wanted to say, but he found himself too tired for words all of a sudden. Yeah, he was exhausted. He needed to sleep. A lot.<br/>
</p><p>“Well... Alright then. See you, Steven,” Pink said, tone gentle, and drew his hand back. Steven felt tears gather up, but he kept his eyes stubbornly closed. Now he really wanted to tell Pink to stay, but he didn’t deserve that, did he?<br/>
</p><p>Soon Steven was left alone in the dark. If he cried more, then no one saw it.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>The next day Steven decided on not going to Little Homeschool. Better take a break, stay home and let the embarrassment from yesterday die down a little. He was spending his time great, eating breakfast in bed, skipping lunch and sitting on his phone all thorough the day. When the Crystal gems got back in the evening after spending all day teaching and being productive, Amethyst knocked on his door and got into the room quietly. It was almost tentative, the way she was moving, as if one wrong movement could set Steven off again. Steven felt immediately and terribly guilty. He was treating his family so bad. They didn’t deserve such an attitude from him.<br/>
</p><p>“Uh, hey, dude, how is it going?” Amethyst asked, smiling a little.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey,” Steven managed a smile back, and she relaxed a little. Steven felt even guiltier. “How was Little Homeschool today?”<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, you wouldn’t believe what one of the Agates did during my class,” Amethyst started, eyes shining with excitement. She was so happy with being where she was right now, teaching other gems how to adjust to life on Earth, encouraging them gradually to make their own choices. She would start off small, with preferences in activities, smoothing the hard edges or too violent interests. Right now she was rambling about something with a happy smile on her face, and Steven was smiling too, not really following her story, just enjoying her company.<br/>
</p><p>“But anyway, how are you?” she asked at some point, some of the wariness returning to her face. Steven sighed.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry for shouting at you back then, you know… at the school. I just got… upset,” Steven said, feeling uncomfortable and not right somehow. He fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, not knowing what to do with his hands. “But now it’s better. I think… I think I want to take a break from Little Homeschool.”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, of course, if that’s what you need,” Amethyst answered, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. Steven sighed, not looking up at her.<br/>
</p><p>“Lately I’ve been feeling so… confused. Everyone is doing so well now, and I should be too, but I just… I don’t know what to do with myself now when we have this… peaceful life. And I’m not a gem anymore, so it’s… I don’t know,” he finished, tugging at his hair a little with his hand. It was so hard and frustrating to try and explain his feelings, partially because it was all one big mess and Steven didn’t understand it himself exactly.<br/>
</p><p>“Maybe you should talk to Greg? Or Connie?” Amethyst suggested. Steven looked at her, and she shrugged her shoulders. Was it all she had to say about all of this?<br/>
</p><p>“I mean, <em>they</em> are humans. They know more about human way of living than anyone, and maybe that’s what you need right now. And Greg always has some great advice to offer, doesn’t he?” she explained.<br/>
</p><p>“Huh. I didn’t even think about that.” Steven felt his heart lift a little. His dad always knew what to do. He will be able to help for sure. And Amethyst had a point, his dad was living a human life for so many years now. He was an expert. Steven brightened up at the thought.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, I think you’re right. My dad knows everything about being human.” He smiled, genuinely this time, and Amethyst smiled back.<br/>
</p><p>“But don’t hesitate to talk to us if anything,” she added.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Steven answered, already thinking about whether his dad was free so that he could give him a call. “Sure.”<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Steven’s dad was more than happy to share his fatherly advice. He suggested they go on a little trip around the country, looking at places where Steven had never been before. They could see what other people’s life was like, and maybe Steven would end up getting closer to finding himself. The idea sounded awesome, and Steven was excited. He used to love riding around in the van with his dad when he was little.<br/>
</p><p>But what was meant to be a fun carefree trip turned unexpectedly into a long drive, a lot of fast food, some dirty toilets, stiff neck from sleeping while sitting in the car and Steven being so caught up in his thoughts that he barely noticed the change of scenery around him. When his dad tried to talk to him, Steven struggled with words or preferred to nod at the right moments or give short answers when his dad expected to hear them.<br/>
</p><p>No matter what he tried, everything just seemed… wrong. Or maybe it was him who was wrong? Did Steven simply lose the ability to be carefree and effortlessly happy? (Was he ever like that, really?) Steven didn’t know, and when his dad asked him for the umpteenth time what he was thinking about, Steven snapped something not nice and then stared out of the window silently until they stopped to eat. What was he supposed to tell his dad? He was doing everything he could, and Steven still wasn’t happy. Instead, Steven was selfish, and rude, and… God, he couldn’t bear to be in his own head, not when such thoughts kept circling there on repeat.<br/>
</p><p>“So dad,” Steven started, and his dad hummed, watching the road, a small smile on his face. He was happy to spend time with Steven, even if Steven wasn’t exactly the friendliest right now. Steven felt a stab of guilt. “How did you become who you are now? How did you find your purpose? Maybe there was something specific that made you think something like yeah, that’s who I am and that’s what I want to do with my life? Or… something?” Steven finished, sounding unsure.<br/>
</p><p>His dad practically glowed with excitement then. “Oh, Steven, I’m so glad you asked! There <em>was</em> exactly such a thing! You know what, I can even show you!”<br/>
</p><p>That lifted Steven’s spirits a little. “Really?” he asked.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah!” his dad beamed.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Steven wasn’t sure if sneaking into your parents’ house was a crime or not, but he definitely wasn’t comfortable with it. When they finally got out, Steven felt a little sad, but also very relieved. They didn’t get caught or get into an awkward situation, that was a win. On the other hand… his dad’s old house seemed so nice and cozy. Like a proper house should. Steven imagined himself growing up in a house like that, having meatloaf every Thursday, going to school and hanging out with other kids there. Being a normal kid. Maybe then he wouldn’t have felt so lost and confused now. Maybe then he would know what to do with his life. Right now, as his dad put the old CD that he found in his room into the player, Steven started having doubts about this whole trip.<br/>
</p><p>Then the song happened, and as Steven watched his dad’s happy, excited, <em>inspired</em> face he felt like he suddenly couldn’t breathe. What was he supposed to get out of this? He got nothing, he felt none of that inspiration, he just felt hollow and <em>wrong</em>. This was all too much. When the song ended, his dad turned to Steven with a hopeful, glowing expression on his face, and Steven <em>just couldn’t bear it anymore</em>.<br/>
</p><p>“Is that it? Was I supposed to suddenly get all the inspiration my life needed from <em>this?</em>” Steven snapped, and his dad’s face fell. “Don’t tell me… you didn’t take <em>our name</em> from this song?”<br/>
</p><p>“Uh, yeah, I did,” his dad said, scratching at the back of his head sheepishly. Steven couldn’t believe what he was hearing.<br/>
</p><p>“After you had all that?! After having a normal family, you decided to– to what, abandon everything and live <em>in a van?</em> Was <em><strong>this</strong></em> what I was supposed to get from our trip?”<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, you don’t know what it was like to grow up under my parent’s roof. It was awful! <em>They</em> were awful!” his dad protested. Steven’s anger rose to the surface suddenly, like a wave, no stopping, no turning away from it, he couldn’t do anything but… but scream.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, well I grew up in a <em><strong>van!</strong></em> I <em><strong>never</strong></em> had a normal childhood, I never went to school, I hadn’t had the chance to learn how to <em>be</em> human, and now that I actually am one I have <em>no idea</em> what to do and it is <em><strong>your fault!</strong></em>”<br/>
</p><p>His dad pulled over then and stopped the van. He looked at Steven, who was breathing heavily, his hands clenched into fists. The rage inside him just wouldn’t calm down, there was <em>something</em> there demanding his attention. He couldn’t look away anymore, couldn’t hide from what he was feeling. There was no escape from it, the feelings clenched inside, making his body tremble. He was barely able to contain himself. He was <em>furious</em>.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, I’m sorry,” his dad said, a sad expression on his face. Why would he be sad <em>now?</em> It’s not like he could change anything. “I really thought it would be better for you, and I never thought that it would all… happen like this. I thought having freedom was—”<br/>
</p><p>He couldn’t listen to this anymore. “Stop it. Just… stop,” Steven interrupted, and his dad fell silent. How could he? How could his dad just leave everything that he had behind? Just like Rose did! Just like everyone seemed to be doing now, without a care in the world! Well, <em>Steven</em> cared for what was left behind. Because in the end, <em>he</em> was the one they were leaving behind. And <em>no one</em> understood. (Why couldn’t he come with them? Didn’t he deserve to come with them?)<br/>
</p><p>Steven unbuckled his seat belt, then turned the handle of the car door.<br/>
</p><p>“Wait, Steven, hey, where are you going?” his dad asked, sounding worried. “We’re still far from—”<br/>
</p><p>“I will find my way back,” Steven interrupted, tone firm. “I have the card, I can pay for the bus.”<br/>
</p><p>“But it will take you hours to get to Beach City! Please, son, I—”<br/>
</p><p>“I need time, dad. To think. I need to be alone right now,” Steven answered and got out of the van.<br/>
</p><p>Before he shut the door, his dad said, “Please don’t turn your phone off so I can call you if anything. And stay safe.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven nodded, shut the door and started walking away, head hanging low, not really looking where he was going. He needed some time for himself to mull over the information that had come to light unexpectedly as a result of their trip. And Steven definitely needed some time away from his dad to step away from the pit of anger in his gut.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. If anyone knows what to do, it’s you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In all honesty, I have no clue how the American educational system works, so there could be some mistakes/inconsistencies, but other than that enjoy!:3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now Connie was a diligent, hardworking student. When one wanted to apply to University of Jayhawk, one had to be. And when the applying period started drawing near, Connie found herself very busy with studying things in advance, getting all the documents ready and slowly preparing to move to Jayhawk.<br/>
</p><p>This Friday evening Connie was home, busy as per usual with some thing or other. That is, until someone rang the doorbell. Was she waiting for someone? She didn’t think so.<br/>
</p><p>Connie walked down the stairs and opened the door, preparing to be met with “Good day, our company’s product will make your life much easier if you just give it a try”, or something of the sort. Instead, Steven was standing on the other side of the door, his smile maybe a little too forced.<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Connie! Sorry for coming unannounced like this,” he said, scratching at the back of his head and chuckling nervously.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, hi. It’s no problem at all, come in,” Connie said, smiling reassuringly, but a wave of concern washed over her. Steven looked like he always did, but at the same time there was something... off about him. He hadn’t written to her that much these last days, they were both busy, and she understood. But… did something happen?<br/>
</p><p>They went straight to Connie’s room.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you want anything? Water? Maybe you’re hungry?” she asked, turning to look at him while walking up the stairs.<br/>
</p><p>“No, no, I’m fine. I just want to talk,” he smiled again. There was something off about his smile as well. Connie felt even more worried then, but she didn’t want to pressure him. He came to her to talk, and she will let him take things at his pace.<br/>
</p><p>“I thought you were supposed to be taking a trip with your dad. How was it?” she asked.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh, good, good, we finished it a little… early, yeah... I don’t know,” Steven signed. Connie turned to him, frowning a little. That wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. Steven was excited for the trip, but now he sounded… disappointed. And tired. Steven didn’t meet her eyes, instead he looked around the room, noticing the mess of books and documents on her table. “Oh, are you busy? I didn’t mean to—”<br/>
</p><p>“It’s okay!” Connie reassured him instantly. “I’m not busy. Let’s sit down and talk.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven nodded. He looked less tense now, and kind of excited, and she felt relieved and curious at the same time. Whatever he wanted to talk to her about wasn’t bad. But what was it that was so urgent and important that Steven didn’t even check in with her before coming over?<br/>
</p><p>Steven settled on the futon, while Connie went to close the window. It was around five in the evening, which meant a lot of cars and a lot of noise. Once she was done with that, Connie sat down on the chair, facing Steven. He was fiddling with his hands nervously.<br/>
</p><p>“So, I’ve been thinking and...” he started and then fell silent. Connie waited for him to continue patiently. Steven looked tired, and he wasn’t meeting her eyes again. Connie wondered if he was getting enough sleep.<br/>
</p><p>Finally, Steven seemed to gather up his courage. He looked up at her and said, “Connie! Let’s go to college together!”<br/>
</p><p>She stared. That was the last thing she expected him to say. College?<br/>
</p><p>Steven managed a small smile, looking nervous again. He continued fiddling with his hands.<br/>
</p><p>“You... you want to go to college, like me?” Connie asked, getting over her astonishment.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah!” His excitement shone through again, more noticeable this time. Connie realized just how much he actually enjoyed the idea. He had probably given it a lot of thought. But… <em>why?</em><br/>
</p><p>“Then we could be together and I could start my normal human life!” Steven went on.<br/>
</p><p>Normal human life? What did he mean by that? Connie frowned a little.<br/>
</p><p>“Why... I mean, haven’t you already started your life here? You’ve been helping with Little Homeschool and—”<br/>
</p><p>“That’s not what I want to do,” Steven cut her off, sounding impatient. He moved a little on the futon, restless. “I want to be with you. And I want to live as a human now.”<br/>
</p><p>That again, what did that even mean? Live as a human? Wasn’t he already doing that? And did Steven really think it would be that easy to get accepted to college? She wished it was, of course, but things didn’t work that way unfortunately. And why was Steven suddenly so keen on going to college? He was never interested much in that, not to mention that he hadn’t been to school, not once! He wanted to be with her, he said. They managed that pretty well even without him studying, didn’t they?<br/>
</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Steven asked, some of his excitement diminishing. Connie shook herself out of her thoughts.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” she started cautiously, not wanting to upset him, “you must know a lot to be accepted to a college program. It takes a lot of time and a ton of work. Are you sure that this is what you want?”<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah! And I can always learn, it can’t be that hard!” Steven said, practically beaming. That didn’t ease her doubts one bit. She was still so surprised that they were discussing Steven going to college of all things. Was <em>this</em> really what he wanted to do? Why had he never mentioned it before? Why was she getting a feeling that there was something else there, something that she just couldn’t grasp no matter how hard she was trying.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, people spend twelve years in school, that’s <em>a lot</em> of time. We learn a lot of things there, and you will need to work hard—”<br/>
</p><p>“I can work hard. Don’t you know I can work hard?” Now Steven sounded frustrated on top of impatient. Connie looked at him closely. She still didn’t understand what was going on. But if Steven really did want to get an education, then…<br/>
</p><p>She frowned in thought. “Hmm, well if we get your documents done – though I have no idea how that will even work – then maybe you can go through some kind of sped-up program. I’m not sure how long that would take, but definitely less than the usual one.” She looked at Steven. He was smiling again, his hands moving in his lap, nervous energy coming off of him in waves. Connie was still getting a feeling that something was wrong, but she didn’t know how to ask Steven about it.<br/>
</p><p>“See, I knew it! If anyone knows what to do, it’s you! So you think I could make it in time for when you start studying?” he asked, looking at her with eyes full of hope.<br/>
</p><p>“What? No, I didn’t mean college, I meant school. You have to go to school first. I was thinking if we manage to make some adjustments, maybe five or six years will be enough?” she mused. “Since you have some knowledge already. It may be far-fetched, but it could still be a basis for further education.”<br/>
</p><p>The hopeful look on Steven’s face disappeared. “But if I have the knowledge, why can’t I just follow your lead and go to college right now?” he demanded, like Connie was making it more complicated than it actually was. But the thing was that she was simplifying the situation, for his sake.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, do you know who our current president is? And the one before him?” Connie asked. Steven frowned in thought. She went on, “Do you know what an algorithm is? And what atoms and cells are made of?”<br/>
</p><p>Now he looked puzzled. “Why would I need to know all that?” he asked.<br/>
</p><p>Connie couldn’t suppress a smile at that. It was such a Steven thing to say. He frowned and pursed his lips, and she wiped the smile off her face in an instant.<br/>
</p><p>“Because you need to know such things before applying for college. And you have to have a certificate from your school as well. These are the rules,” she answered simply. They spent some moments in silence as Steven thought it over. Then he let out a deep sigh, his shoulders hunching. He looked defeated, and Connie didn’t like that at all. She felt like something went wrong in their conversation. There was something she was still missing.<br/>
</p><p>“So there’s no way for me to go to college with you?” Steven asked, voice small and somehow fragile. He looked so tired, the bags under his eyes prominent, a distant look on his face. Connie felt her heart clench. Why did Steven look like this was his last hope? Maybe it was that he didn’t know what to do with himself now, that everyone he could possibly help had their own lives and didn’t need his support? That was her best guess. Maybe Steven thought following Connie’s lead was the only possible way to move forward. But that was <em>so far</em> from the truth.  Connie wanted to support him so much. She wanted to tell Steven how amazing he was, that he was the kindest, most loving person she knew. Steven deserved to find what he wanted to do with his life and be happy, not just follow someone else’s path.<br/>
</p><p>Connie reached and put a comforting hand on his arm. He still wasn’t looking at her. “Steven,” she said, voice soft, “why do you want to do what I do? If you want to figure out what to do with your life, you don’t have to follow my, or anyone else’s lead. It’s <em>your</em> life. You can do whatever you want! There’s nothing bad in going to college, but that’s not the only way there is. There are so many options!”<br/>
</p><p>“Are there?” Steven asked, and his voice sounded empty. Connie frowned, her concern spiking up again. He <em>never</em> sounded like that. He was never this hopeless. What was happening?<br/>
</p><p>“Of course there are, you just have to figure out what you enjoy doing,” she reassured him, already thinking up of a way to finally ask him what happened. Steven never liked to discuss himself and his feelings much. But she was worried. In the end, Connie couldn’t come up with anything better than, “Steven, did something happen?”<br/>
</p><p>Steven looked at her then and smiled. She could almost believe it. “I think I understand now,” he said, sounding a little less empty. “I should probably go now.”<br/>
</p><p>“But Steven—”<br/>
</p><p>He got up from the futon and started heading towards the door without another look in her direction. It was clear that he didn’t want to listen to what she had to say. Connie was hurt, but she brushed the feeling aside for now.<br/>
</p><p>“Can’t we talk?” she asked, getting up as well.<br/>
</p><p>“We just did. And I think I heard what I needed to hear. Thank you.”<br/>
</p><p>He sent her another smile and then went out of the room. Connie stood still for a couple of moments, because his smile and his face were so full of feeling, and because she couldn’t figure out what that feeling was. He didn’t sound upset, but... She followed him out of the room. He was already at the front door.<br/>
</p><p>“See you, Connie,” Steven said, opening the door.<br/>
</p><p>“See you,” was all she said before he went out of the house, shutting the door quietly after himself, as if he was never even here in the first place.<br/>
</p><p>*<br/>
</p><p>Since that talk Connie tried to meet up with Steven several times, and all her attempts failed for one reason or another. Steven made perfectly valid excuses, he wasn’t ignoring her messages, but still Connie felt like he didn’t want to see her, didn’t really want to talk to her. She was at a loss for what to do. Should she give him space? Should she insist that they meet in person? But Steven clearly didn’t want that. It must be hard for him, trying to figure his life out. She thought he wanted to help all these gems at Little Homeschool, he was excited about that before, but something must have changed now.<br/>
</p><p>Steven went through so much, and Connie just wished she could help. But she didn’t know how. She didn’t know how to treat this version of Steven, a glimpse of which she saw when they were talking about going to college together. This Steven, who was brimming with nervous energy one moment, only to be replaced by inexplicable sadness the next. She couldn’t get the way he looked that evening out of her head. Like he was ready to give up, in a way. She had never seen him look like that before. But <em>why</em> did he look like that? What <em>happened?</em> Was this about college and finding himself, or was there something more to it? She didn’t know, and Steven was like a closed door now, and she didn’t have the key.<br/>
</p><p>Connie thought about contacting Pink, but she was unsure about it. She wrote to him just fine before, when they were talking about the corrupted gems and the surprise for Steven. But well, that was different. <em>This</em> was personal, much more personal. And it also felt like Connie couldn’t really put all of her concerns into words. What would she tell Pink? That she thinks something happened to Steven, but she doesn’t know what it was exactly? And how would she explain it all, explain the way Steven was looking at her, as if he was counting on her to make sense of his life? She didn’t know anything anymore, and she didn’t have answers. All she had was a feeling. A hunch. And she didn’t want to go to Steven’s gem, whom she barely knew, with no more than that.<br/>
</p><p>That’s when, with Connie buried deep in her doubtful thoughts, something unexpected happened.<br/>
</p><p>She just got back from the store, sorted out the products and put some in the fridge, then went up to her room. Her parents were supposed to get home in an hour and a half. Connie walked up the stairs, humming something under her breath, and then froze in the doorway. Near her table, Steven’s gem was standing, tall and glowing, his piercing gaze turned towards her. He looked so out of place in her familiar room, now basked in warm evening light. The gem looked like a statue, distant and perfect and cold, like he belonged in a museum with other pieces of art.<br/>
</p><p>“Connie,” he said, tone mild. His voice was a little deeper than Steven’s. They gave off such different energy, even though they shared the same appearance. Connie felt instantly on guard.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink. What are you doing here?” she asked, stepping into the room. The diamond shaped pupils followed her every move.<br/>
</p><p>“I wanted to talk,” he said. Connie stopped in front of him, frowning a little.<br/>
</p><p>“Did something happen?”<br/>
</p><p>His gaze seized her up again, as if he was analyzing her. Connie stood up taller. She wouldn’t back down. He was one of Homeworld’s rulers, true, but Connie dealt with all kinds of gems thorough her life, Diamonds included.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes. It has to do with Steven,” Pink confessed, his expression unwilling, as if he’d rather not share this with her.<br/>
</p><p>“What happened? Is he okay? Should we go to Beach City now?” she asked, taking a step closer, her concern rising instantly like a tide. Pink’s gaze changed then. It felt to Connie almost like she just passed some kind of test. Pink sighed, his posture relaxing slightly. It was weird to see the gem breathing after how perfectly still he was.<br/>
</p><p>“No, we don’t have to go to him. But I needed some… advice. And I didn’t know who else to ask.” Another admission that Connie felt Pink was very reluctant to share.<br/>
</p><p>“So you’re saying… that you need my help?” Connie asked and received a curt nod. “And this is about Steven?” Another nod.<br/>
</p><p>Connie sighed, moving out of her stiff stance to go and sit down on the sofa right under her bed. Then she patted the futon next to her. Pink looked apprehensive, which would have made her giggle, if the circumstances weren’t as serious as they were. Then he walked over and settled on it gracefully. It was kind of funny to see him maintain such a regal posture on Connie’s soft futon.<br/>
</p><p>Now it was time for Connie to make some confessions. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you as well,” she said. Pink looked at her, raising his eyebrows. Connie was hit with how familiar some of Pink’s mannerisms were, though Steven himself was much more expressive with his face.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, so me and Steven had a talk about college some days ago… Well, you don’t know what college is. Okay,” she drew in a breath, thinking of the best way to relay their talk with Steven to the gem. “So basically Steven wanted to see what I was doing with my life, because I’m human, and he is now too. And he seemed… unsure about his own life, and about what he should be doing now that all the fighting is over, and…” she fell silent, remembering the defeated look on Steven’s face. “And he couldn’t really do what I was planning to do with my life, and that… I think it made him really sad.” Connie looked at Pink, who was staring at her intently, catching her every word. “I’ve been trying to meet up with him ever since, but he’s been making excuses and we’ve only been chatting through the phone and—”<br/>
</p><p>“So he’s been answering <em>your</em> messages?” Pink interrupted. He looked visibly upset.<br/>
</p><p>“He… hasn’t with you?” Connie asked, and Pink shrugged his shoulders stiffly. “It’s been… strange between us,” he said. “It’s as if Steven is… drawing away. And I tried talking to him about it, but he doesn’t seem to want to talk. Or see me.” Pink’s face wore a blank expression, but his hands were clenched into fists in his lap. Was he merely upset? Or was he angry? Could Steven’s gem try and <em>make</em> Steven talk to him? Could he take him away again?<br/>
</p><p>“And how does that make you feel?” Connie asked cautiously, tensing up. Pink looked at her for two long beats before his hands unclenched.<br/>
</p><p>“It makes me upset.” He didn’t seem to want to add anything more.<br/>
</p><p>“And you came to me because…” Connie started, hoping the gem would continue.<br/>
</p><p>“Because you know Steven in a way that I do not. We both know that,” Pink stated flatly. Connie breathed out, relieved. Pink didn’t plan on taking Steven away to make him talk. Instead, he came to Connie. That was good.<br/>
</p><p>“I think something is going on with him,” Connie said. She had already made up her mind. “And I also think that we should help him. Steven doesn’t like sharing his problems with others or talking about his feelings. He’d much rather distance himself from them. Well, maybe now it kind of got… too much? Maybe he’s distancing himself from us too, so that he doesn’t have to talk about it?”<br/>
</p><p>Pink looked like he was deep in thought. Connie had a fleeting thought about how beautiful he was, a stern, perfect kind of beauty, paired with the grace he possessed – but now was <em>definitely</em> not the time. She pushed the thought away, back into the corner of her mind.<br/>
</p><p>“These are just my thoughts,” Connie added. “But if I’m right in any way, if Steven is having it hard right now, then we should help him. We should talk to him. He doesn’t have to go through whatever’s he’s been going through on his own. We should show him that he’s not alone.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink looked up at her, drinking up her words. Then his mouth set into a hard line.<br/>
</p><p>“We have to help him,” Pink nodded and got up. “We’re going.”<br/>
</p><p>“What, right now?” Connie asked, surprised that he agreed with her so easily. Pink looked at her like the answer was obvious.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes,” he stated, and then headed out of the room. After a moment, Connie hurried after him.<br/>
</p><p>“Are we… taking a bus there or something?” she asked as they descended the stairs.<br/>
</p><p>“You do realize that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Pink answered, and Connie stifled the giggle that threatened to spill out of her. Now was <em>not the time</em>.<br/>
</p><p>They got out on the street, then Pink turned to Connie abruptly and swept her off her feet in one swift move. Connie tensed up, surprised and wary and then they were moving <em>so fast</em>, time seemed to drag as the world around them smeared into an indistinctive blur of forms and colors. She let out a surprised breath, unable to tear her eyes away from the shapes of cars bleeding away and the houses and the people all merging into one big mass of indescribable colors. It felt as if her and Pink were the only ones real out of everything around them.<br/>
</p><p>“So that’s how it feels,” she mused quietly, and Pink made a questioning noise, gazing forward with a concentrated look on his face as they moved – flowed? It couldn’t be called movement in this mess of forms, with the world creasing and folding and flowing on edges all around them.<br/>
</p><p>“This power,” Connie answered in a subdued voice. Steven never knew that he had such a power. Was Pink manipulating matter or time? Were these questions even valid when it came to the magical power that the gems possessed?<br/>
</p><p>And that’s when a wall of sudden, violent nausea hit her. Her mind and body couldn’t comprehend what was happening to her, and Connie wasn’t surprised. It’s not every day that one gets to travel at a speed that shouldn’t even exist. She tried to take deep breaths and then gasped, feeling a wave of vertigo and a strange pressure behind her eyes. The rolling sensation in her stomach moved higher, oh God, she was going to throw up…<br/>
</p><p>“It will feel better if you close your eyes,” Pink said, his voice calm, collected, a soothing wave. Connie obliged immediately. The nausea subsided a little, and so did the vertigo. Now, with her eyes closed and her body not protesting their movement, Connie noticed the way her own body was pressed to Pink’s. It was… not unpleasant. He was warm, and the material of his dress felt unusual, almost like running water against her skin. Connie blushed and then told herself firmly to get herself together. Now was not the time. They had to help Steven. He needed them now, but he would never admit it. Because Steven was like that. He would do everything in his power to help others, but he would never ask for help himself. Sadness and regret curled up inside her at that thought. Connie would give so much for Steven to be more open with her. With all of them. Instead, it seemed like Steven was going through something serious, all by himself. Connie felt bitter with guilt then. She should have known. She should have figured it out sooner, should have been more persistent with her questions, and then maybe…<br/>
</p><p>“We’re here,” Pink said and then put her down unexpectedly. Connie opened her eyes, wobbling unsteadily on her feet. Pink held her arm firmly, supporting her. Then the gem took a step forward, tugging her along with him.<br/>
</p><p>“Wait,” Connie gasped, trying to get her breathing under control and stop the world from spinning. “Just a moment.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink stilled. They were right outside Steven’s house. The sun was setting slowly and a quiet, warm wind was blowing. Connie took two deep breaths and then said, resolute, “Okay. Let’s go.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. We need to talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven was scrolling mindlessly through his phone and listening to music when he heard muffled voices downstairs. Whatever may be happening there couldn’t be that important, he mused, not moving from his place on the bed. Maybe Amethyst and Pearl got into a fight, that happened sometimes. Steven wasn’t feeling up for seeing anyone or acting as a peacemaker now though. They can deal with it themselves.<br/>
</p><p>He barely managed to convince the gems to leave them alone as it was. Garnet looked the most reluctant out of the three, but after a firm glare from Steven she finally left his room too. Which was just perfect, really, because Steven definitely didn’t need company. Steven needed to be alone. (What else was he good for other than lazying around in bed and being useless anyway?) Yeah, he felt pretty useless right now. But whatever. Not like it mattered.<br/>
</p><p>Why were the voices so loud? Steven pulled out his headphones, frowning, definitely annoyed. He could hear Pearl’s displeased tone, but couldn’t make out what exactly she was saying. And was that… his gem’s voice?<br/>
</p><p>Steven was out of bed in an instant. He hesitated for a bit near the door, but then got himself together and opened it.<br/>
</p><p>“What’s going… on here,” Steven finished, stopping halfway down the stairs.<br/>
</p><p>In their living room Pearl was standing, tall and imposing, with her arms crossed over her chest, Garnet by her side. Amethyst was perched on the table, looking unsure, and near the door Pink and Connie were standing side by side, with matching determined expressions on their faces.<br/>
</p><p>Hearing his voice, all the gems and Connie turned to look at him.<br/>
</p><p>“I’ve been trying to tell them that you’re resting, Steven,” Pearl said, her mouth getting tight with disapproval. “But they insist on talking to you.”<br/>
</p><p>“Alone,” Pink added. He looked tense and he was glaring daggers at Pearl. Okay, time to get the two of them away from each other, before anything happens.<br/>
</p><p>“I have no idea what you two are even doing here, but okay,” Steven sighed, feeling exhausted and not ready for any kind of talk. They left him no choice in the matter anyway. “Let’s go to my room.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink nodded and started crossing the living room, with Connie tagging along silently. Pearl’s disapproving stare was following the two of them closely. Then she suddenly looked at Steven, and he averted his eyes as quickly as he could.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Garnet said abruptly, and he looked at her. She looked worried. (Of course she did.) “Will you be okay?” she asked, sounding unsure.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, whatever,” Steven waved his hand dismissively, and then started walking up the stairs.<br/>
</p><p>“If you need anything, we will be downstairs,” Pearl said, and Steven mumbled a quiet, “Okay”, which she probably didn’t hear.<br/>
</p><p>When he got into his room, his shoulders slumped in relief. He was glad to be away from the gems’ pressing presence, even if it meant facing another undoubtedly conversation, which will no doubt be uncomfortable. Steven walked over to his bed to give Pink and Connie space in the center of the room. He turned to them then, crossing his arms over his chest, unconsciously defensive. Under normal circumstances he would have been more than happy to see both of them, but right now all the feelings inside him bled into one big anxious and jittery mess. He felt angry too. Couldn’t they at least have sent a message before coming unannounced like this, making a scene, worrying his family and Steven himself?<br/>
</p><p>“You could have at least sent a message before showing up like that,” he grumbled, voicing his thoughts.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry that we didn’t,” Connie said.<br/>
</p><p>Steven sighed. “It’s okay. What are you doing here anyway?”<br/>
</p><p>“I came to Connie because I needed advice,” Pink explained, his face impassive, but his fingers twitching a little, giving out his nervous state. Steven felt a pang of jealousy then, quick and strong and surprising. Why would Pink go to Connie for advice? Steven and Pink hadn’t seen each other for a while, but when the opportunity presented itself, Pink decided to go visit her instead? Maybe Pink didn’t need him then. (No one needed Steven as of late.)<br/>
</p><p>“Advice on what exactly?” Steven asked, tone biting even though he meant to appear unfazed.<br/>
</p><p>“You,” Pink stated. Steven frowned. “Me?”<br/>
</p><p>“Yes.”<br/>
</p><p>“What about me?”<br/>
</p><p>“Lately it felt like our interactions were… forced, in a way. As if you draw away from me at any given opportunity. I was worried and so—”<br/>
</p><p>“And so, instead of talking about it with me, you decided to go to Connie?” Steven said, feeling anger creeping up on him again. Pink was sorting out his relationship with Steven through Connie. Oh, this was just great! And it seemed they’ve been getting along so well too! (They looked so good together. They looked like they didn’t need him, not one bit.)<br/>
</p><p>“I tried writing to you, but you barely answer any of my messages,” Pink deadpanned.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, well, I was busy,” Steven answered, his voice taking on a defensive note. He really <em>was</em> busy lately. He had an enormous task of figuring his life out, all by himself, and it was looming over him, day after day after day. Sometimes he just didn’t have time or energy to deal with Pink.<br/>
</p><p>“But you’ve been answering Connie,” Pink said, looking affronted and a little hurt.<br/>
</p><p>Steven opened his mouth, a retort ready, and then Connie took a step forward, getting in between them.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, slow down a little here. Yes, Pink came asking for advice, but that was because he was very worried about you, Steven.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven blinked. “I’m fine,” he said. He didn’t need more people or gems worrying about him.<br/>
</p><p>“And I’ve been worried about you too,” she continued, tone gentle, but gaze firm. “That’s why we came together. We wanted to talk to you. We can see that something is happening—”<br/>
</p><p>“Nothing is happening,” Steven interjected, trying to look at self-assured as possible. The last thing he wanted right now was getting interrogated by both Connie and his gem.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s not true,” Pink said, eyes not leaving Steven’s face. Pink just couldn’t take no for an answer, could he?<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, we want to be here for you,” Connie said, laying her hand tentatively on Stevens forearm.<br/>
</p><p>“Well, thank you, guys, but there’s literally nothing going on, so sorry for getting you worried…”<br/>
</p><p>“Please don’t apologize. We’re worried because we love you,” her voice turned quiet and her eyes were full of so much feeling that Steven had to look away. He blinked a couple of times. Why did it feel like he was about to break down in tears? There was literally nothing wrong. (Everything was wrong.)<br/>
</p><p>“I… love you too, both of you,” he said, swallowing the rush of emotions that got stuck like a lump in his throat. “But honestly, there’s nothing to worry about—”<br/>
</p><p>“But you’re not happy,” Pink cut in, taking a step closer. His voice was loud and maybe a little desperate. “You won’t even look at me,” his gem finished, sounding genuinely hurt. Steven felt a wave of guilt come over him. They didn’t deserve such treatment from him, did they? (He was treating everyone around him so badly, no wonder no one wanted to stay. He was awful.) Steven pulled on his best smile and looked up, meeting their seeking stares.<br/>
</p><p>“I promise you I’m fine.”<br/>
</p><p>They had to believe him now, they had to. It was the truth, right?<br/>
</p><p>Connie opened her mouth to say something, but Pink was faster. “You’re not telling the truth!” he exclaimed, frustration showing on his face, ringing a high, clear note in his voice. He took another step forward, coming almost face to face with Steven, and that was too close for Steven’s comfort. Steven felt a rush of anger (fear, he was scared, why was Pink yelling, he had no right to yell at Steven like that).<br/>
</p><p>“Pink,” Connie started, a clear warning in her tone. She put her hands on Pink’s shoulders, trying to get him to move away from Steven. But nothing could have moved the gem now, his eyes with diamond shaped pupils were burning bright, boring into Steven, and his fists were clenched.<br/>
</p><p>“Why can’t you talk to us?” Pink shouted in his face, and Steven felt suddenly overwhelmed, it was <em>too much</em>, his gem was pushing him, why was he always pushing <em>so much?</em> Steven felt another stab of fear that was quickly overshadowed by his rising anger.<br/>
</p><p>“And you just can’t take no for an answer, can you, Pink?” he shot back, his voice getting louder as well. “I thought maybe you would have learnt by now.”<br/>
</p><p>Pink’s face turned shocked. Steven leaned closer then and spat the words right in his face, “What are you going to do? Take me to Homeworld again? Lock me up there? <em>Make</em> me talk?”<br/>
</p><p>An open, hurt look crossed Pink’s face. His fists relaxed. “You know I wouldn’t do that.”<br/>
</p><p>Steven gritted his teeth, unwilling to let the guilt sway him. Pink was just shouting in his face, not listening to what Steven had to say. (God, Steven hurt him a lot now, just like he did with everyone else. Pink didn’t deserve that, no one deserved that. What was <em>wrong</em> with him, he wasn’t supposed to <em>be</em> like this…)<br/>
</p><p>The door to the room burst open in that moment.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, are you okay?” Pearl cried out, standing in the doorway, with Garnet and Amethyst right behind her. Steven looked at them, then back at his gem, who was still standing close, too close. Steven wanted to take a step back, get a little more space between them, but he was already standing right at his bed, his shins touching the side of it.<br/>
</p><p>“Everything is fine,” Connie told them in a mild tone, and then turned to look at Pink. “Pink, you need to take some steps back,” she told him quietly, voice turning urgent. She was standing close to the gem’s left side, both of her hands still on his shoulders.<br/>
</p><p>Pink’s relentless gaze was still turned to Steven. “If you tell me to leave, I’ll leave,” he said very quietly. Steven should apologize. But right now he just wanted to be <em>left alone</em>. (He felt like he was going to break up in tears otherwise.)<br/>
</p><p>“It would be… best for now,” Steven said with an effort. His anger died down into a feeling of deep exhaustion. Guilt started settling in as well. (Steven was awful. A truly awful person. His gem was leaving, and Steven <em>deserved it</em>.)<br/>
</p><p>Pink turned around immediately. Connie drew back, and the gem left through the balcony door without saying another word. The silence he left after himself was deafening.<br/>
</p><p>“You really can’t tell us what happened?” Connie asked. She sounded close to tears, and her voice cracked a little at the end of the sentence. And that crack… Steven just couldn’t take it anymore, the emotions that he had been holding back welled up, wanting to be let out. Steven thought his head would crack open if he didn’t let them out <em>now</em>.<br/>
</p><p>“Can’t you see it yourself?!” he cried out, not meeting her gaze, tugging at his hair harshly, welcoming the pain. He deserved it fully. “Connie, I’m <em>awful!</em> Nothing happened, no, <em>everything</em> happened, but it <em>doesn’t matter</em>. What matters is I’m <em>awful!</em> I keep hurting everyone and getting angry, and I’m <em>never happy</em>, but I don’t deserve to be happy because I’m so awful.” His voice cracked at the last word. He felt tears slipping down his cheeks. He couldn’t look up, he just couldn’t look at Connie and his family right now, couldn’t bear to see the confirmation of his words in their eyes. “I don’t deserve to even be near you, so can you please just leave me—”<br/>
</p><p>At this moment, Connie squeezed him in a tight hug.<br/>
</p><p>“I told you, please, just please—” Steven rambled, and then a loud hiccup swallowed the end of his sentence. The tears wouldn’t stop.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere,” Connie said, hugging him tighter, and Steven couldn’t keep it all in anymore, he just couldn’t. He started crying in earnest then, loud and wet and ugly. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl joined in the hug after some moments, whispering reassurances, apologizing, speaking in soft, comforting voices, and Steven just <em>couldn’t</em>. It felt as if he would never stop crying. It was all too much. They shouldn’t even want to be near him after they saw how he treated Pink earlier. After the awful way he treated all of them at some point. And still they were here, hugging him close, telling him that they <em>loved him</em>. How could they love him, if Steven couldn’t love himself?<br/>
</p><p>At last, his crying fit came to an end. The embrace broke. Connie pulled back and looked him in the eye.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven, you’re <em>not</em> awful. You are the kindest person I’ve ever met.” He wanted to contradict, but she kept going, voice firm, not allowing any argument, “You were hurting, all this time, you <em>are</em> hurting, and it’s <em>us</em> who should be apologizing to you for not reaching out to you sooner. You shouldn’t go through this alone.”<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not,” he hiccupped, “not going through anything, Connie.”<br/>
</p><p>“You are, Steven. But we’re here for you now. And we will help you.”<br/>
</p><p>If his eyes weren’t so sore from crying, Steven would have probably started with it again. Connie looked so self-assured, she kept saying that something was happening to him, and… could she be right? Could all this… have some kind of reason behind it? All his jumbled emotions and anger and sadness. Could it be that Steven… wasn’t actually awful? That thought was too much for him right now, so he decided to look at the Crystal gems instead, anticipating and fearing their reaction at the same time.<br/>
</p><p>“Dude, I had no idea you were thinking such things, and I’m… I’m sorry,” Amethyst said, sniffling and wiping at her eye, “I knew something was up, but I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to push you, and…”<br/>
</p><p>“It’s okay, Amethyst.”<br/>
</p><p>“No, it’s not,” Garnet told him firmly. Her visor was gone and there were tears in her eyes, making their way down her cheeks. “Connie’s right. We should have helped you. We’re your <em>family</em>. You should be able to come to us for help. But we didn’t do enough. We weren’t thinking about what you need. Only what we need,” she finished in a whisper, an expression of guilt and shame on her face. And that… that wasn’t true at all!<br/>
</p><p>“That’s not true! You all tried to help me in your own way, it’s just that I’ve been pushing you guys away,” Steven rushed to reassure her.<br/>
</p><p>“I didn’t. I was making it worse,” Pearl said unexpectedly. Steven looked at her, and she looked so <em>upset</em>. So sad. “Oh, Steven, I had no idea. I was so selfish.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I was only thinking about myself and my feelings in the end. Not about you. I pushed you away, I hurt you, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” She covered her face with her hands and started crying.<br/>
</p><p>“Pearl, no,” Steven started, reaching a hand in her direction, wanting to comfort her.<br/>
</p><p>“Steven,” Connie said in the same moment, tone sharp. Steven looked at her, meeting her unyielding stare. “You can’t keep denying it. We are <em>right</em>. We should have done more, all of us. You were <em>always</em> here for us when we needed you. Now <em>you</em> need <em>us</em>, and I promise to you that I will be <em>right here</em> no matter what happens. I love you so much, Steven, we all do,” she finished, her expression gentle. Steven’s lips trembled, he blinked the new tears from his eyes.<br/>
</p><p>“Connie’s right. We’re not going anywhere, man, no way,” Amethyst said with a wobbly smile, stepping closer.<br/>
</p><p>“We will help in any way we can,” Garnet added.<br/>
</p><p>“Please, forgive us,” Pearl wailed and threw her arms around him. Steven hugged her back, smiling a little.<br/>
</p><p>“I forgive you,” he gave in, even though he didn’t feel like they should be apologizing to him. But maybe he understood better now. It felt so good, freeing in a way to let it all out, to be his worst possible self in front of them and get the reassurance that they still wouldn’t leave him. That he was still worth their love. They were all so supportive, and loving, and kind. Steven was <em>so lucky</em>.<br/>
</p><p>Then he thought about Pink and about all the things he had said to him. A new wave of guilt came over him. Steven let Pearl go and said, “I have to go get Pink.”<br/>
</p><p>Pearl looked immediately anxious. “Do you want us to come with you?”<br/>
</p><p>“No,” Steven shook his head firmly. “I have to talk to him. Alone.”<br/>
</p><p>He had to apologize for all the things he had said. His family was reluctant, but they let him go, and Steven hurried outside. He expected to see the ship Pink arrived in somewhere on the shore, but all Steven saw was a small pink figure walking quite far away near the edge of the water. Steven’s heart clenched. He didn’t mean to say what he said. He was just... He was hurt, and he wanted for Pink to be hurt too. Wasn’t this awful? Wasn’t <em>he</em> awful? No, no time for that thought. Steven had to hurry and talk to him.<br/>
</p><p>Pink was out on the beach near the water. He had gotten quite far away, but he was walking very slowly, and when he heard Steven’s panting breaths, he stopped altogether, his gaze turned to the expanse of sea before him. Steven finally caught up to him and tried to calm his breath, which was hard to do since his nose was stuffed from crying.<br/>
</p><p>“Pink,” he said finally, looking at the gem. Pink visibly flinched from Steven’s voice and then turned to look at him. God, Steven felt so guilty and ashamed. “I’m sorry for what I said,” Steven said, his lower lip trembling a little. Pink was important, so important to him. Steven always ended up hurting people that were close to him, even though his intention was to love them unconditionally.<br/>
</p><p>“No. You were right.” Pink’s voice sounded like an empty echo. It was a while ago since he sounded like that. (He sounded like that when he was sad and alone and miserable, not knowing what to do with himself.)<br/>
</p><p>“No, I wasn’t. Pink,” Steven reached for him, and Pink flinched away. Steven stopped immediately.<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t. You’ll make it worse,” Pink said. His voice trembled, and he started crying in his usual silent way, tears illuminated by the soft glow of his skin.<br/>
</p><p>“God, Pink, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” Steven felt close to tears himself.<br/>
</p><p>“No, you were <em>right</em>. I took you away and I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have pushed you to share with us, but I did. I shouldn’t have gotten angry, but I <em>did</em>. I hurt you so much. I never wanted to hurt you,” his voice dropped almost to a whisper. Steven started crying too then, even though his eyes felt so sore and his nose was still stuffed. It was just too much.<br/>
</p><p>“Don’t tell me you want to leave me,” Steven said, trying to stifle his sobs, clear desperation creeping into his voice.<br/>
</p><p>“Isn’t that what you want?”<br/>
</p><p>“No!” Steven cried out immediately. That was <em>the last</em> thing he wanted. “Please, Pink, I was upset. You… you hurt me, that’s true, but you were hurt as well! Half the time you didn’t even understand what you were doing!”<br/>
</p><p>“That is <em>not</em> an excuse,” Pink interjected. He looked so miserable, and Steven’s heart was aching. He couldn’t bear seeing his gem so upset.<br/>
</p><p>“I know, but… I still want to be with you.” Steven fell silent, wiping at his eyes. He was afraid that this wasn’t enough, that his words weren’t enough. That Pink would leave him in the end, no matter what Steven said. But it was Pink’s decision after all. Steven was so scared to be left behind, but his biggest fear was now overshadowed by the thought that if Steven begged hard enough, Pink would stay, no matter how he himself felt about it. Steven would <em>never</em> want to force his gem to do such a thing, never. God, he was so <em>tired</em> of thinking, of being afraid – yeah, of emotions in general. A lot of what Steven had been thinking silently to himself for a long time had been drawn out of him this evening. Right now only a small trickle of emotion was left, smothered by waves of exhaustion and his building headache.<br/>
</p><p>Both of them stopped crying and were quiet for a little while. The sun was setting, and the sea looked beautiful, a world of gold and rich blue. Seagulls were crying loudly in their usual fashion. Waves were lapping at the sand, their soft murmur and the seagull cries the only sounds to be heard.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m tired of crying and feeling guilty for what I did,” his gem said at last, looking to where the sun was sinking into the water slowly. “Will it ever stop?”<br/>
</p><p>“I don’t know,” Steven answered honestly. Pink looked at him again, and his tense posture relaxed a little. Steven took a tentative step forward, and then, when the gem didn’t back away, another one.<br/>
</p><p>“Can I hug you?” Steven asked quietly. Pink looked at him, then wiped away at his tears.<br/>
</p><p>“I’m not exactly in the best of shape,” he admitted, and Steven smiled when he said, “You are beautiful.”<br/>
</p><p>He stepped even closer and hugged Pink carefully. Pink sighed and relaxed into his embrace, not squeezing back, just keeping his hands loosely around Steven.<br/>
</p><p>“I keep making mistakes and messing things up,” Pink mumbled quietly, pressing his face into Steven’s neck.<br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Steven answered, matching his quiet tone. “I think maybe that’s okay.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I feel like the song Be Kind by Halsey &amp; Marshmello fits well with Steven’s state of mind in the last chapters, and with this one especially. The message and the lyrics of the song could be from Steven to himself, because he was hiding from and lying to himself first and foremost.</p><p>Also, it is hard for me to admit that I’m planning on taking a break with this story. I really wanted to finish it and I definitely have more planned plotwise, but I just feel like now I don’t have the time and energy to post.<br/>I can’t really tell when or whether I’m going to come back to this story, but it feels like this chapter, with some of the major conflict finally being resolved, is a good place to take a pause, so that is what I’m going to do. Huge thanks to everyone who read, liked, enjoyed and commented on my fanfic, it is thanks to all of you that I’ve gotten this far with posting it!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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